My Lady of the Lantern

I remember Kmina once said that one forgets the early baby days pretty fast. I think she said that in reference to the arrival of Stevie and the early days.  I had the same feeling, and except now, my memory is coming back.  Figlia used to raise hell when she was hungry...she would cry miserably. That happens with M, when he has pooped. He will sound the alarm and is calmed only when he has been changed. Figlia loved bathing enough to get her displeasure noted when removed from water. M does not resist bathing, but he does not fuss much over being removed from the water. He gets fussy more because he is now hungry.  Figlia was as happy on the bed, as she was in my lap. M is more a lap baby. Figlia has started asking for cartoons to be put on TV. She asks for a specific one, but still settles for anything animated...mostly those that have animals (both farm and wild ones) and cars/trains. Why this is significant is because my daughter would not watch ...

M is just a little bit over 5 weeks old (count Tuesdays of every week).  He is now becoming more and more aware....he sleeps best from 0300 hours onwards, and my mum can vouch that she is more sleep deprived than me at this point of time.  Yesterday (24th) was cluster feeding evening/night. He just wouldn't get full! I am glad that we are not depending on just my milk-maids. He wanted to be continuously held, and well, continuously fed.  Finally he slept a little after 3 a.m. today, and woke up around 6 a.m. ish...and napped again without taking his usual feed amount!  He has started making these cute noises...he rests his feet and pushes himself, he turns himself (I do not think it is deliberate), follows the sounds, and can lift his head when put on belly or when held vertical for burping...he is gaining strength. His next immunization was scheduled for 30th, but we are post-consultation with SuperPed preponing it to 28th... as we might travel ...

I recently re-connected with someone I knew from my school days. We were acquainted, but never that close. She is married and her only child is a couple of years older than Figzy.  'Talking' to her, and our almost daily exchange later, I feel like she's thrown a bucketload of issues on which I can work upon. She did not tell me what was amiss with me...it was more a exchange of our mental frames, that made me more aware. Incidentally, we have both tried Vipassana. Incidentally, I make no use of it, except possibly, Anapana, which brings me back to the moment. However, I am a wild mare, I want to thump my hoofs and stomp off the scene. It takes a leash to make me stay put.  And here she was admitting what a mess she had been into, and it was mostly her mind's work. And being mindful has taken her off the crazy.  Oh yes, I know that word! Mindful, is it? Yes sir, I can be that. But I remember being that only in post-mortem analysis.  I have sha...

This time around, I deliberately avoided the hormonal support route to manage the bleeding. Rather than fooling the internal system, I wanted to allow an environment where my uterus became Zen on its own. I went back to the tonic due to which finally my twice a month periods had tamed down to once a month post-Figlia. This time....I mostly have bouts of bleeding....fresh red spurts that die in a brownish climax. However, bad boy uterus still acts up sometimes...like it happened last evening when the gush was so strong that I was afraid of moving, and with children around, not moving was not an option. I again resorted to le pill to kill the bleeding.  --- M knows when he is in my arms and I find it tougher to settle him on the bed than if anyone else is handling him. One morning, he and I slept such that he slept on me. It was a good stretch of sleep but I can hardly make it a permanent habit. --- We want to travel in the next week, but it hugely depends on m...

I wanted to write something else, and I hope to jot that down too, but yesterday's Pe.shawar attacks are on my mind heavily. I only caught the initial news part, and have tried to stay away from the debates on it, the endless discussion on what must happen next, and the politics happening at all levels on the same. They were children - killed for the fact that they were children of the army personnel. I don't know and don't understand the reasons. I do not want to know that they were shot and how they were shot. I don't want to know that some of them were beheaded, and that fellow students were made to watch. Teachers were set on fire, and the class was made to watch. That those who are left behind will never be the same again.  I can't think of the parents. So, I read the first news in, and have pretty much not looked at any more media coverage of it because it is too much for me. I was talking about the attacks on one platform yesterday, and it shocke...

I am done with having kids. That chapter from my life is closed.  And so, I am done with a pursuit that spanned a decade. - - - I am really looking forward to not cycling, and auto-estimating CD 10 - CD 24 of the coming cycles. - - - I am more rested this time around than I was after Figlia.  I do not nap in the day, and hardly get a full night's sleep, but to be able to manage 4-5 hours at a stretch is bliss too.  My inner guns will fire in the basetown, where taking care of M during the night will come upon me stronger (since mum will not be there), but for now, I am happy with all the sleep I can get. - - - Involving Figlia in activities specifically catering to M is a way I am trying to please her need to help the baby. She is amazing help during diaper changes. And she is obsessed with peeking at the "sheeeee" potty of her little brother. She even talks about her baby brother in the school, and apparently they must believe that he...

~filled with TMI~ Bleeding pretty much picked up today at 2:30 am...bright red blood and clots and I just popped in another pill. Since I was pretty much awake with the baby since that time to 5 am, atleast not having to worry about the blood was a relief.  Bleeding resumed around 10 am...and my mum wants me to have patience with it. Why the eff am I having bright red bleeding? One theory is that my periods might have resumed...it is 3 weeks post-delivery.  See, I might enjoy pregnancy but this time is very tough on me...the bleeding makes me behave like a psycho.  I am thinking of when to go back to our basetown. And what arrangements would have to come into place there.  ...more thoughts of the darned bleeding... I am thinking of how certain things might get easier when DH is around. ...more thoughts of the darned bleeding... I have leave till last week of February. When do I go back to work? Do I go back to work? ...more though...

Figzy had just walked out of the room. The baby was settled for a while, and I took the chance to lie down and catch a video on YouTube. It was almost 4 pm. I felt a gush between my legs. Nothing unusual about it. And then another gush.  I sat up and realized that the gush was a neat flow. I calmly called my mother, constantly aware that the blood was slipping out uninterrupted. I had ruined my underwear, and my clothes, and had magically left the bedsheet untouched.  I was having a 'bout'.  It killed my mental peace instantly. I was jumpy, irritated, unable to function, afraid of sitting down, or getting up after sitting. I was afraid of lying down. I soaked my pad in 45 mins, and it stained the next underwear I had put on.  I took two pills to kill the bleeding. They took an hour to take effect.  I had very relaxed spotting in the days before yesterday, and I had been happy to believe that it was different from the last two times.  ...

Figzy threw a massive tantrum the day of M's naming ceremony.  It was not due to the baby, but slightly different reason. I have forgotten that I am raising a girl who is now becoming more and more conscious of her own looks and people around her.  Figzy wore a cute dress, but my (older) niece wore an ethnic dress, and well the fit was thrown because Figzy wanted a dress just like that at that very point. I had neither the dress nor the option of acquiring one quickly. I had a change of dress for Figzy for a just-in-case situation, but my girl wanted none of it. The whining and crying continued and my niece gracefully decided on her own to change into a nice T-shirt and leggings. The temperature came down immediately. Wow! I have never experienced such a thing from Figzy. I was hugely appreciative of my niece, and I will have to pay more attention to what to make F wear for such gatherings.  - - - M's appetite has been growing by leaps and bounds. Las...

So M arrived.  It must tinge your hazy awareness when the doc picks the baby from your open tummy and says, 'the baby is dull'. And then, tells that it is a boy and the baby is picked and Superped and his people get to work. I don't get to see the baby after that, except in the photographs clicked by the husband. And then next day, I get to peek at him in the NICU. Today M is eight days old. He went straight to the NICU with respiratory distress and tachypnea and all that goes with it. All my kids love getting too drunk on the amniotic fluid too.  He spent three and a half days in the NICU, including stay on the CPAP machine. The day he was shifted back to my room, he scared us again in the late evening after his breathing became peculiar after a feeding session. He again spent the night in the NICU. All included, we came back home past Sunday. It would be too early to say anything, but here are a few things I want to rattle. a. My hands are full. #...

I have never made pregnancy announcements on Facebook. I operate two accounts, with one of them filled with people I know in offline life.  I was seriously tempted to post this week about my pregnancy. I am almost at the end of this pregnancy. My chance won't come again. And I cannot put this announcement on pending list when I am most likely to be delivering the kid. I have wanted to feel what the ensuing two minutes of fanfare feels like.  I won't touch the sensitive account (the one filled mostly with ALI peeps), that is what I thought. And I still decided to not post anything.  I can't post this glowing bump because though I am having a trough full of heterogeneous folks on this account, I have people who would be hurt, even if they cannot show it.  This friend whose only son has DMD, this woman who can't have children unless they attempt ICSI, this beautiful couple that has been wanting children for years now and have failed repeatedly....

Tell me to shut my big mouth if I ever utter sleep and Figlia together again. I posted a while back about trying to get things on track sleep-wise.  Well, I give up. There are no rules. She can sleep when she wants. Because that is how it is.  However, sleep-deprivation for me is already setting in because she sleeps by midnight and by some biological o'clock I wake up any time between 1 and 3 a.m. for specific loo business, and I am fresh for a full 15 minutes after it, but I hate to sleep with interruptions. She is insistent on not closing the lights of the room. Insistent is the right word, and I feel like a bull being pulled by a capable torero into utter submission.  Can you draw a horse three times with your eyes closed? I can. Bow to me and kiss my hand, now. - - - I noticed that she uses her left hand sometimes to brush her teeth. She uses her right hand for most of the things, but she does switch hands while brushing her teeth.  ...

I am not very comfortable with how my body is shaped. While I can credit genetics for it, I definitely have dreamt of changing it. I am too lazy to actually get up and do something about it.  However, all my pregnancies have been a time of reveling. I love my baby bump. I love everything that happens to my body when I am pregnant. I even love the new shape I get into. If it were not for the sleep deprivation and postpartum bleeding, I might attempt pregnancy every year.  Pregnancy has restored my faith in my body - inside out.  This would be my very last (planned) pregnancy. Very soon, there would be a discussion on what I want to do next...and contraception still ribs my funny bone.  For now, I feel fulfilled and beautiful.

It's been a couple of weeks since I have realized that M responds to Figzy. If Figzy is in the house, you can always track her location from the sounds emerging....if she is in the house and too quiet, either something is getting messed up, or she has found something very engrossing.  But M really kicks hard when Figzy squeals in excitement, and I was really touched to see that happen. Figzy also spontaneously comes around to kiss my belly, and is accepting of an invitation to come and feel the baby.  If I complain that M is kicking too much, she defends M by saying that the baby is just loving me.  - - -  Figzy takes a noon nap again lately....has skipped just once in the last few days. But you can't reveal that you are trying to make her sleep.  There was a time when she would tell me to 'not close my eyes' in the afternoon, but lately she permits me, and plays next to me, and often falls into sweet slumber on her own.  Night time...

As the D-day approaches, one of my biggest concerns is to create an arrangement which is optimal for everyone including Figlia. To have too many stakeholders in this decision is a pain in the neck. We spent a large part of last week with DH's family. My FIL threw a firecracker tantrum on the first evening, and it sort of hushed up everything for the rest of the trip. I hate it when people like to knit sops and not de-tangle things, and that is the general tendency around. I hate the fatalism that abounds. One of my umpteenth SIL is due to give birth at the same time as me. That family has not revealed the transition about to happen to their toddler, while I have engaged Figzy from the get-go. I am curious about how our varied approaches would pan out. I had injections for M's lung maturity last week. Unlike Figzy's pregnancy, it did not freak me out at all. Last week has brought some great food my way. That was a huge plus.

It's like the calendar dates are burning since I hit 30 weeks. What appeared to be inordinately long, appears to be winding down to a single digit countdown. I hit 32 weeks yesterday, and we are trying to go till atleast 36 weeks. I have head lice. I caught it from my kid. And I have no idea who gave it to her. Managing her thick mop of usually uncombed hair is a trouble in itself. It is easier to manage my hair, and get rid of the darned suckers. I plan to go super short after hitting 33 weeks, so my life would be simpler.  Heartburn returned with a vengeance, and I found a cure. It is called jagg.ery....just a dollop of it throughout the day, and there is no acidity whatsoever. It is one of the pleasant-est things I have had to incorporate.  Nausea has come in, though not so strong. I am about to have my third IV injection, and the second time was more comfortable than the first. I gave up on the option of having an intra-cath inserted, because it will be aw...

- I am about to take my first intravenous iron shot today, and I am not excited at its prospect. - Mother dear returned yesterday, and Figlia has been on a high. - I have heartburn in early evening. - My back is killing me, and I want to stop and relish the reason behind it. - I cant stand tofu and the smell of cabbage being cooked.

My blood report indicates that I continue to have anemia. Supergyn has prescribed parenteral iron therapy from next week. Maybe the anemia is a quiet manifestation of my occasional accusation at Figzy that she is sucking my blood. - - -  Some of the difficult behaviour that I have faced from Figzy is a manifestation of the fact that she is missing a lot of important people in her life currently. She is attached to my mum, and my mum isn't here. Her father is not there too. She can't handle his phone calls because she ends up bawling miserably every time he tries to speak to her on the phone. When she is trying me, I try to stay compassionate to her desperation to know the life she had before I brought her here.  - - - There has been a daily influx of pics of my nephew and the 'new family' on my phone and social media, and I can't help but notice that my SIL looks great. She looks rested, and amusingly, I noticed that she changes her earrings...

There are two solid reasons: a. Once you start, repeating the behaviour becomes easier...the resolve to not do it has to be stronger. I think it is the underlying notion of all violence. b. Because I am raising a sponge. She hit me on the knee today, and told me, "Yes, you do want to know why I hit you, right? No?" --- Got my fourth Vitco.fol injection today. Rainbows and Unicorns, I have lost a kg since last week! I should be pregnant more often.  --- My craving for fried food has been duly rewarded by a ball of fart stuck somewhere down under inside me. Help me. --- Figlia has napped once this week (on Tuesday, the day I recorded the awful Monday) and she was a happy bee till night. However, getting her to repeat the behaviour, and ensuring quiet time is actually quiet time has not happened in the household.  So here's the golden rule: No nap, 8 o'clock. You nap, your o'clock. --- Profound lessons for the toddler this...

** Story of violence ahead, please do not read if you would like to judge me. It has been hard yesterday.  The day started fine. Fine is a variable term, by the way. I noticed that Figlia was up at 7:30 a.m., which is early by about half an hour for her. Lately, I have been putting my nap-avoider to bed around 8 p.m., because I do want a hold on my sanity. She begged for drinking my cup of tea, which I successfully got away from her by finishing the thing in big gulps. She went to school, and she came back. She went to pick up her grandpa from the hospital (we have a driver). She came back home, and refused to come inside. I knew she was hungry, and my father who is extremely impatient is extremely irritable if the meal is not on the table when he reaches it. So, I tried all known routes to get her to come in, since we usually have our lunch together. The whining had started already.  She got in, and I coaxed her to sit on her table and chair, but then she i...

Figzy was in playgroup at her daycare. When I brought her here, she was admitted in the Nursery class in a neighbourhood school. She is one of the younger ones in her class, and started there last week. It is just three hours a day, and for the first week, she was there for only an hour. It was not great last week. She resisted going in, and cried horribly when she saw that I had come to pick her up. She also asked for her friends (from her previous setting), and I could not arrange any meeting with any of them. This week, on Monday, she pulled in 90 minutes, and after confirming with her class teacher, she has been doing two hours there since yesterday. Her abject refusal to go in has gone, and is happy to see me, but does not cry, which is pleasant in itself. If she continues being this settled, she will get to be there for full three hours. She is relishing the rides and toys in her new school, and this is a huge plus. - - -  I can write a few lines on potty tra...

- My nephew was born yesterday... - Figlia is celebrating her 32 month milestone by completely giving up on siesta....she is switched on from the morning till 9:30 p.m. Is it too early to give up napping?  - I was completely flabbergasted by her absolute denial to nap for the first couple of days....but it became easier once I came to expect it. - Figlia asks me to 'get up' / 'not sleep' once she is up or at any other point of the day. I had awful pelvic girdle pain the night before. - Figlia had a strong attack of night terror last night. It is a good thing we co-sleep.  - My mum is away and currently with my bro and family to help them transition smoothly,,,,which leaves three people at my home currently - my father, Figzy and I. - It is exasperating to disentangle the quarrels between Figzy and my father. They fight like they are the same age. Figzy says her grandpa is a bad boy. Ugh. - She gave up on napping. Can you believe it? - Me...

I am on leave now...and six months of it. I will be shifting to my hometown by this weekend and that's where Figzy and I will be for the next few months. I have an appointment with SuperGyn this Saturday, and hopefully will also get an ultrasound.  - - - I am busy packing and relaxing and finishing some things before I leave. I hope Figzy will cope up well, in her new environment, minus the daily presence of her dad, and a new school. Her new school is just three minutes walk from our house, and I hope she will settle well.   - - - I am itching to get a haircut, not just a trim, but a really short style. I have crazy hairfall and I despise leaving 'evidence' everywhere I go.  - - - I missed taking the belly pic last week at 25w1d. I could have taken it next day, but I just don't want to do it on an odd day. 

My ears are closed. No, literally, there is loud music blaring in my ears...I am at work and fed up of the number of walk-ins into my tiny space with students lined up for a submission. I can tell that my colleague is back in her cubicle because I can smell her perfume again. Super nose, that is what I have these days. I am slated for another blood test, and I am trying to delay it. I can't look at a sucky hemoglobin count. If it has dipped further, I have a free pass for iron shots. I hate shots unless they get you a high. I hate the nausea that does not permit me to have as much food as I would want to in actual terms. Figzy has fever again, and I am trying to not be too worked up about it. I am in the last week of work before I go on leave. I am surprised to be a little beyond 24 weeks now. It seems too fast. M is a kicker, and a mighty one. I like having Figlia place her hand on my tummy and we feel the baby together sometimes. I had a major shouting match with DH on Saturday ...

Technically, the last day of August is the last day of me in office. But it seems the break is light years ahead. The next few days are whirlwind, with Sunday being working too. - - - There is nothing much in terms of cravings that I have in this pregnancy, except well, potato chips. And I can't stand tofu...neither the smell, nor the taste. - - - My nausea is back.  - - - Figzy is again passing through a whiny phase and it is not pretty. It takes steel reserve to let her cry it out and not relent. Relenting would only firm up her resolve to repeat the crying, and I can do well without it.  And we are not crying on big things really.  Our common problem these days is that she does not want to get inside the door after we come back home. I adore standing outside the house's front door in the evening attempting persuasion and bribery and fancy stories to get her inside. Because it is very adorable to do so, we could be standing outside for a f...

Feeling M generously is such a blessing. I take out the time to cut myself from my surroundings to focus on what is happening between M and me. That 'separation' never happened, or had to be planned for either L or Figzy, but it seems I have too much going on all the time and don't pay enough attention to M.  - - - I felt BH very early this particular pregnancy. Over the last week, I have also experienced distinctive tightening of my uterus. For the same reason, I have been put on Ally.lest.renol from this week.  - - - M is mostly a night baby, and kicks the most around quarter to 9 p.m. But I can feel him/her throughout the day too.  - - - One of the things that weighs on my mind is that I documented offline, daily record of Figzy's first year, and I hardly feel it will be possible for M. I feel guilty about it already. I wouldn't be very scrupulous even if I gave it a go. - - - My parents are here, and Figlia is absolutely into the...

Figzy, where does Papa go to pee? Bathroom. Figzy, where does Mummy go to pee?  Bathroom. Where does Figzy need to go? *giggles* Here! - - -  Why did you pee here? Whhhhhy diiiiiid yooooou pee heeeere? It's just water. - - - Carrot:  Give me juice. Papa, give me juice. Figzy, tell me, where do we go when we want to pee? Bathroom. Good girl. 'gets the juice and finishes it' You do remember where we go when we want to pee? Here!  *headdesk* - - - Stick: Papa will not talk to you. Despite my telling you so many times, you still pee here. I will not talk to you. 'two seconds of quiet' Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa  What? I am not talking to you. *headdesk* - - - Figzy is refusing to go pee in the bathroom at home, even though she is doing it successfully in daycare. I wouldn't have been flustered, if she hadn't behaved otherwise before. We had bec...

So, my CBC was repeated this week (the reports came today morning), because of the awesome figures I turned out in the previous CBC. And my Hemogolobin has dipped further. :-( I have to up my iron intake and improve on my diet. My Thyroid function report is still awaited. --- I am looking forward to my family visiting us for a few days on the next weekend. --- Figlia is spectacularly articulate in her comebacks to my statements. Sometimes her replies defy her physical age. And then there are other things that make me wonder if how I will get past. Sample A: "Figzy, this is how you make 'A'." "Why?" Sample B: "Figzy, please colour inside the lines." "Why?"  I do not know the answer to Why. --- Our mornings have a beautiful tenor these days. Today she woke up and went crazy laughing at my saying "Baa Baaaaaa" and extending a hand at her. It was nuts. --- I have started feeli...

My ten minutes of peace are very important to me. The last weekend has been a rush at home, and rush at work. Ten minutes of myself for myself have been tough to find.  And then I still have the Sunday anxiety. You know, that anxiety I suffer from being alone with the little task-master on Sundays?  I get worked up simply by the fact that Sunday is approaching. This anxiety has fairly eased up since Figlia grew up, and is far lesser now, but it still kinks me.  Saturday evening was my SIL's baby shower (she is on a different continent), and there was a stream of images on Whats.ap.p and other spaces. I am happy for her. I am happy for my brother.  She commented that she felt like a queen thanks to her friends.  And I can tell you (and I hate to acknowledge this), that I felt very jealous. I had a baby shower when I was pregnant the first time around. I did not want it the second time around. And currently, I hadn't thought about it till it h...

I am 20w1d today. That's beyond the halfway mark. For me, it is more than halfway, because I am not looking at 40 weeks, but somewhere between 36 and 37 weeks.  - - - We have solved the clothing issue, by letting Figzy pick out her choice from the mound of clean laundry (that I do not fold) I stock in one of our bedrooms. The other mind-game is to stash away some dresses in her 'bag', and she 'discovers' what she wants to wear that day. - - - The kid just overcame viral fever this week. The fever was not as big a hassle, as the actual administration of the antibiotic was. The stuff was so bitter, that I just could not hide it in anything, and she started crying simply watching me approach her with the measured medicine in my hand. 

My mother shared the news of my pregnancy with a close family friend. Their daughter Xo has/had a life script similar to me. While I eventually did manage to fall pregnant minus the IUI/IVF route, Xo's two pregnancies were a result of ICSI.  Xo gave birth to her first baby (baby had died in-utero) a week before I gave birth to L.  We met a few months later, and it was a very emotional meeting.  She had an active infection and was asked to sit on the bench for a while.  She had her second child when Figzy was a few months short of her second birthday.  When my mother told Xo's mum a couple of days back about the current pregnancy, her spontaneous reaction was - "It was natural conception, right?". I can only imagine the tug of regret in her voice. Xo will not be able to conceive naturally. If she ever does try, it will be ART again. It was a moment to drink in the blessing that I have been given.  

Caught my reflection in the glass a few days back....couldn't resist.

Saturday night's scan went well, and that really helped my mental make-up. Amazingly, I have lost weight (about 1.9 kgs) between the last weigh-in and Saturday's weigh-in, and I was happy for that too. The baby is doing well, and frankly speaking I started the current pregnancy at a much higher weight than the last two, and it's not hurting to shed those kilos. My appetite is dodgy, and I struggle to remember to eat things I consumed religiously in my previous pregnancy - walnuts and almonds daily, without fail. Figzy is really rolling, and acknowledges the baby on her own. For everything we run short of, you know, things like chocolates and ice-creams and whatever else is the object of desire at a point of time, she tells me: "I will bring it from the market - for Figlia, Mummy and the baby. Okay?" I relish that little addition to her list of people she wants to get things for. I also feel a little scared that if things do not end well, it could ...

Figzy turned 30 months yesterday.  *** I have no shame left, and no need for privacy either. Figzy comes to check on me in the loo, if I have finished my potty business properly or not.  *** CBC was an eye opener. My Hemoglobin level came out as 8.6. That's like the lowest reading of my life.  I still have nausea, and do puke out complete meals now and then.  I am turning into a medicine gourmand - Between my metformin, aspirin, B12 and Folic Acid, Progesterone supplement, iron, calcium and stuff to keep nausea away, I feel like I can't take any more of it, and I will be glad for next year when I no longer ever need to be on metformin and aspirin. *** I am going to meet my Locodoc today evening. I am due for an ultrasound and I can't wait. My placenta with M is fundal. I knew of anterior and posterior and had vaguely heard of the fundus, but did not know that fundal was a position too. The good bit is that fundal placement is fa...

"This girl is getting impossible." - As declared by beloved today morning In a not so modest admission, let me admit that I am far less patient then my DH (in everything).  It's become difficult to clothe Figzy, because we are forever in the quest of 'something else'. For a while, I would choose clothes for her, and she would only make choices and inform - "I want to wear a frock" or "I want to wear the dog ( that's one of her favourite pajamas )". The change would be incorporated, and the dressing would get done. Now, she just fudges, sometimes endlessly, with "not this" and "something else".  What takes this to a different level is her intention to wear the thing herself. While she is willing for it, she has not mastered the skill yet, and so things get stuck, the foot won't pass properly, an elastic will curl somewhere and the whole pajama would get stuck somewhere, and then she can't pull...

So, there's a crying bug that has hit our house over the weekend. Figzy ran a fever on Friday noon, and was cranky all day. She became settled by evening, after her fever disappeared with the medicine I gave her. She cried Saturday evening. I think that day's dinner made her colicky because she kept on waking up and crying through the night. She was cranky yesterday morning. She was definitely not rested.  I had an exam yesterday and she was with DH at his office till then. She took a nap of thirty minutes when she easily aces 2+ hours of sleep on Sunday afternoons at home. She was exhausted and had a meltdown in the evening. She cried right before bedtime.  She wants to wear everything herself with no help from either parent but is currently unable to execute her wish completely. This means that we could be crying in frustration after half an hour of failing to get into the diaper (she pushes both her legs in the same hole). When that point is reached, ju...

L doesn't go away from my mind. I mean, just cut the crap, I am not singing bleeding heart here but just saying she stays on my mind off and on through out the day. Day before yesterday, one of Figzy's cousin turned 3 years old. We phoned up in the night, and Figzy wished the boy "happy birthday". Before we phoned up, DH told F that we were calling her older brother, and she was asked to address him with that title. I hated it. I told Figzy to call the kid with his name. If L would have lived, all the cousins born that year would have been younger, and my daughter would have been the elder one. She would be the one receiving the title. Now my living daughter is the younger one.  And then to turn this glitch in my mind on its head, let me say this, that I hate the fact that Figzy will be the older sister of my baby.  Figzy was meant to be the younger sibling to L. She will have to bear the burden of being the older one, when it could have been another way.  Le...

We are done with bottles. Completely.  She still rues over the thieving crow, but does not whine at nap time or night time.  I hardly believed it could be so easy.  I washed her all her bottles one last time and let them to dry to on the kitchen counter. Today evening I will pack them and keep them away, and it feels like a huge achievement unlocked.

1. I have meant to post for a while now, but technical issues and time issues prevented me. 2. There will be ~~TMI~~ in some part of the post, so you have to be prepared for that. In the beginning of June, we made a short trip to our hometown. It was only a three-day visit, but quite a bit was accomplished in those three. We took care of some family thing at DH's side of the family, and I met SuperGyn. SuperGyn will be my doc for the last trimester and beyond in the current pregnancy as well.  That first week of June was significant also because I started 'feeling' the baby then. It was just fluttery, but I knew what that flutter was.  I had my Nuchal fold u/s in my hometown, and we saw the baby sucking his/her thumb, and then practicing for the FIFA matches. It was great to see that. My mother and Figzy were also there in the ultrasound room, and Figzy panicked. She thought the doctor was hurting me, and repeated told her grandma that the doctor was giving...

~TMI Alert~~TMI Alert~~TMI Alert~ I am just surviving in some sort of haze.  Nausea has again picked up. And my bowels are being rotten.  I woke up twice during the night yesterday to go poop. Today morning, I got up from the bed because I had to, not because I was feeling refreshed and ready to get up. - - -  I saw this video someone shared on FB of some daycare helper beating an infant like crazy. The infant was crying, and the girl pinched the baby, hit the baby and tortured the poor baby. The baby was not very mobile and was trying its best to crawl out the corner where it had been pushed to by this woman, and this woman just rough-handled the poor infant, almost throwing the kid everytime to the place in the corner.  By the end of the short video, the baby was just heaving, and yet this young helper would just not stop. I could see other children standing at the edges of the room but no one intervened.  My blood went cold and ho...

I have had a hard time staying away from aerated drinks this time around. I resist taking Pep.si, but the temptation for those kind of beverages is far too strong. I finally found a way. I brought a bottle of plain soda and then combine it with orange squash or fresh lime. It soothes my soda craving, and I guess it is way healthier than ingesting the commercially available soda-based drinks. My second issue was that I am a fast eater/drinker. The second thing especially was a problem because things go anti-gravity currently, and I couldn't control myself once the glass touched my lips. I used a straw, and decided to use a straw to drink up from the glass every time I decided I was too thirsty. That worked genius! - - -  Only recently has Figzy started saying "This is mine " or " I am doing this".  If one would ask her before, she would say - "Figzy is eating" or "Figzy wants this". It's a subtle but significant chang...

When I went for an ultrasound last Saturday, I kept insisting to my doctor that I was 8 weeks plus, when she informed me that I was 9 weeks plus. I asked her to recount from my LMP, and I was still not convinced. I came back to the office and prodded an online site to count how pregnant I was, and well it said I was 9w1d. Well, I have swept an entire week somewhere and I am not sure how I did it. Nausea came back, but without vengeance. If I can rest up a bit and/or try to check if there is something really arising in my throat, it kind of sets it right.  We share our bed with Figzy and I love this arrangement. However, I am now constantly aware and alert for any kicks in my tummy that I receive, and hence try to stick to a particular side position to save my belly.  I also feel very lethargic.  - - -  I did not have to bother with hiding and not hiding my pregnancy. I was supposed to be at the helm of an event happening in my office in August. I...