My Lady of the Lantern

Okay, this is a composite of random things I don't want to dedicate individual posts to: a. I have an anterior placenta . I don't mean that in a good or bad way, just matter-of-fact way. b. Reaction of family: My in-laws revealed my news to their side of relatives after my first trimester was over. Apparently, my baby is a community effort. Everybody ( ??? ) was putting in their chips with God ( Gawd!!! ) to have me and Birdman be blessed with the divine. I am so miffed at knowing that as soon as something gets done, people just want to highlight it meant so much to them, and was their indirect doing. And yep, Kaiser has been booked for temple appointments, because he/she has come through from the respective prayers to the respective God. Blech! c. I can't get over my cola cravings . I do actually, but only by consuming. I feel very guilty and satiated...it is the satiation that comes before the guilt. Coffee is not a staple for me anymore. I have had about three cups (ima...

Getting struck with something you did not presume to exist in your mind is a strange feeling. Or perhaps getting struck boldly with something that sometime crossed your thought field is a strange feeling. I was getting congratulatory phone calls from some family yesterday over something, and at some point then...I was thinking that perhaps I am not a mother, because I really do not actually have the mental make-up of a mother. Longing for a child is fine...but I can play when it plays, and when it poos, I still have the privilege of handing over the baby to the caretaker, but maybe I just don't have the stamina of living with the reality of the dream I think I want but I may be wanting it just because I do not have it. It is a very scary prospect. I thought about it and immediately corrected myself. I tried to bring myself to my senses, but I was thinking at the previous moment too. I was in my senses even then. Getting my PhD would open even more career growth avenues for me. Wha...