My Lady of the Lantern

So, I did explore and come out of my cosy skin a bit more, and found something important about the town I live in.  Essentially, it is easier to find a divorce lawyer than to find a therapist around here.  I have also been suggested that thinking positive things would keep the negative thoughts away (the apple - doctor relationship?).  My husband says that I must try to forget and move ahead (that was duly nominated for joke of the day). He thinks that I can stop torturing myself only if I stopped thinking about it.  Also, there has been a major fight couple of days back, and I was very hurt when he told me that I pretended to be supportive, but I was not. A few days prior to this fight, I had "indicated" with examples of how he was not listening to me, and did not bother with simple requests and small things I asked from him. Our recent fight did not have my one-up status as the root, but the fact that he assumed me to react a particular way that I ...

Needless to say it out loud, the days in house are not on an even keel. The children are getting serially sick, Figlia had tonsillitis, and now M is recovering from diarrhoea. Life is about ensuring that prescriptions are filled on time.  I have not had any major meltdowns with him.  But there are off and on flares, and I dig and I dig and I dig. The digs often lead to very intimate questions. And the saga of their intimacy gets to my brain every time. There are small details - tiny, sharp shards that pierce through everything core. I have to work hard to not to bring in my natural flare for snark and sarcasm in my comments, and instead focus on asking questions and then more questions. Revelations and Realizations are great friends, I must tell you. I have used very colourful language recently in describing Molly...words that I am ashamed of speaking loudly, and words that don't naturally come to me when thinking of people. But God knows that I have used ...

So thankfully, I do have other things to write about. Write for example, that a couple of weeks back I had this crazy headache that would not go away (atleast I thought that it was a headache)...the pain was located behind my ears and base of my neck. And when I put my fingers inside my ears and pushed, my ears did not ache. I tried the painkillers I had at home, they worked but the pain returned as soon as the medicine's effect waned. It turns out that I had swollen lymph nodes, and the sense of malaise and fatigue came from - measles. I had an awful time.  I stayed back from work (A medical leave and me? Never!) for five days. I had trouble swallowing food, my plumbing was bust. My bones ached. I had bouts of fever. My skin went berserk, and I still feel like my face is swollen (though everyone I ask says it is not).  Figlia had tonsilitis, and M discovered that water is not all that bad, which meant that you could take him for a bath, but there was blood ...