My Lady of the Lantern

Anxiety. Today is CD56. Like I told some of you in e-mails, I am actually planning to see a doc tonight. And please throw in an ultrasound too. That's right. An inquisitive wand will tell my sorry tale to the doc. I do not know what to expect. I have never ever been this late. Ever . You can't imagine the range of possibilities that have crossed my mind. Once the idea of meeting the doc (in case AF did not cruise in) got more and more fixated in my brain, much of last night and today's workday was spent running around the theme-bush. Almost three times today, I felt that my periods were at that very point 'arrived'. I just want to meet the doc and get it over with. Or not get it over with. ^WiseGuy^

Had a thick brown discharge in the early half of the evening. I quickly took precautions and am pleased to announced that I did not bleed after that. I am still sitting a bit uptight. I am trying to not think about the whole thing and am drowning my frowns in Stephen Robbins's Organizational Behaviour and 'Father of the Bride' on Star Movies..... I am not sure what to expect, but the fact that there is no active bleeding can be a ray of hope for me. Have to wait for tomorrow morning to come!

You know, that’s the thing with infertility….it is always on your mind! Was making soup for myself in the afternoon and voluntarily started chanting ‘Ram Ram Ram….’ mentally. That’s when it struck me that it was just a sign of my nervousness. When I was a child, my mother had asked me to repeat the words whenever I was afraid (and it did happen coz I couldn’t stop myself from consuming horror shows and then every dark nook of my house would start looking creepy). I have been on Eudrin this cycle. I always found that in ovulation induced cycles, my periods tend to come earlier than the normal dates and usually within a couple of days of withdrawal of progesterone support. Now, five days are already up and I am not bleeding yet. This is fraying my nerves. I don’t want my periods to come and I don’t know whether they would come or if there is any iota of hope I could stick to. I have been harassing myself all afternoon - imagining a work afternoon informing my colleague that I needed t...