My Lady of the Lantern

My cruddy self is out, so bear with me. I was feeling very licked after this last BFN. It should not be any different. After all, I have made it a habit to belt out BFN after BFN after BFN like clockwork. But then something happened. It is all in the mind, you see. I have been frolicking in a dark blue and green sea. It is shaded with lime and violet and red. It is pink and orange. It rises and heaves and grasps at everything. I am floating effortlessly. Wednesday night, I spoke to my mother....after a four day break (the break was not deliberate). I asked her to sing out the whole conversation she had with Dr. Bigshot. It is since that call that I am floating in the sea. I am not swimming, and I am not drowning. You see, the doctor wants to meet once before he can chart out some course of action. Any such hint would have me irate, but I don't know what broke in me, and I just was tempted to try it out. My stuckheadedness did not knuckle in at all. BabySmiling had asked how far wo...

Please Please Pretty Please do you remember the post where I told you my mother's plan to meet a bigshot doc in a big-ho city? And I pre-empted the responses I was planning to expect? Well the Grand Union happened today, and the doc pulled out Card #4 in a mutated form. He phoned me up, and told me that he had been through the papers, and he would like to please meet me personally ( I am so shocked not ) and preferably bring along with me the fellow who plans to father the brood ( that will be tough, doctor ). The doctor apparently discovered that nothing major seemed to be wrong and also said something like: "...I want to treat you, not the papers..." ( clapping and lewd noises... ) And it appeared that my mother had managed to tell him how stuckheaded I would be at the idea of me making the pilgrimage to his shrine. I just told him that I would consider it, of course and yes, as of now, I have had a very hard time reconciling with the results of my oh-that-cycle in 2008...

...my mother plans to carry my file/records to another stalwart of her fraternity who is in a big-city. She plans to go see my recuperating aunt and she has fixed the appointment in consonance with the dates of the visit. 'Sure!' I said, 'But do not ask me to accompany you.' I really don't care about that dodo's opinion. Mostly, he will peer on the file and go like this: Yeah, everything appears to be normal. It is indeed surprising that it has not happened already. I think they should continue trying on their own. Statistics for couples with unexplained infertility say that... OR My mother will add the little 'but', and he would recommend that weight-loss is my key to becoming a super-fertile. OR He will express that there is a phenomenal new range of blood-hungry tests, that the patient must immediately undergo. Every prick takes my mother's daughter (aka me) closer to my baby. OR He will give his telephone number and ask my mother to make me call ...

Yes, AF arrived. Right on the date I had adjudged it would. I had stopped on my ASA from December 29, 2009 just hoping to have more controlled bleeding this time. I will write about how that goes. This cycle plan states Clomid (Siphene 100 mg) from CD2-CD6 which is January 3 - January 7, 2010. Also I will start Duphaston (Progesterone, 10 mg) from CD14 for 14 days. Hopefully, I will make eggs. Hopefully the follicles will rupture. Hopefully, I will conceive this time around. Jumping hoops of hope right now. ^WiseGuy^

No farmer adds fertilizer to a land he is not planning to seed. Decision made: No Clomid for me this cycle. I was in two minds over this. A… On one hand I thought that there was a chance of late ovulation ( no Mam, I have no rational explanation for that ), and that I was quantifying the number of hours an egg remains inside post ovulation, and how long a sperm stays alive, and I had this faint hope that sperms may catch the egg a little late but still may ( no Mam, I have no rational explanation for that too ). The other reason is that the history of the trip that DH is about to undertake is such that it has been cancelled/postponed in the past. So, if I were not to take Clomid, and DH has his plans scuttled on let’s say, December 4th, I am going to be pretty pleased not. B… On the other hand, it makes a lot of sense to not take Clomid, when there is likely to be complete missing action in the most crucial days. It does not make sense to poke the ovaries into turning bubble-o when not...

My guest of honour who was expected to reach me on 29th preponed the visit by three days. Even though I tend to Woohoo Whistle Welcome an earlier than usual arrival, this one arrival has left me calculating and reviewing my cycle plan. DH is going to be out of town from December 6th - 12th. Counting by my cycle days, he shall be out from CD11 to CD17, which is significant chunk of my harvest time. Given my plan to commence Clomid for 5 days from CD2, I now wonder whether it is worth it to do Clomid at all. Or that I should start it by let's say, CD4? Or I should just add December to another non-medicated TTC cycle? Questions. Questions. Questions. Thanks God. ^WiseGuy^

A day before Wedding 1, I decided to wear my silver anklets that had not seen the light of day for several years. I wore the anklets for a day, and when I felt a lot of discomfort I removed them in the night, not continuing them the next day or the day after. That entire day, I bent and used my feet for all the usual walkathons/movathons. Recently, in Wedding 2, someone commented on the spots that were there on one side of my left ankle. When I examined the other ankle it had spots around the same area. I thought it was some allergy I developed to the silver. In a conversation on Sunday, I came to know that those tiny red dots were actually petechial hemorrhages...the reason why they had persisted for long was my ASA. Anyhoo, today morning I placed an order for Siphene(Clomid)100 mg, another month's course of Metformin and ASA. I am expecting AF to come visiting around this weekend. I would scream with joy if it does not appear for the right reason, and I would begin Siphene from D...

Just a quick listing of everything I am swallowing this cycle and beyond. a. Syrup Gynova (and Tab Spermon for DH) b. Siphene 100 mg c. Folic Acid 5 mg (currently taking Folsafe) d. Zocon- AS KIT (Fluconazole, Azithromycin and Secnidazole Tablets) e. Diamet SR-500 (Metformin Hydrochloride 500 mg) f. Ecosprin 75 mg (divided into half…taken everyday, Acetylsalicyclic Acid) g. Duphaston (Dydrogesterone 10 mg) I have to continue Gynova, Diamet and ASA for three months. There are two combikits of Zocon, and me and hubby are expected to synchronize the once a day, three-doses medicine such that both me and him have the same M&Ms on the same day. I have a major problem with Ecosprin, especially about taking just half everyday, and so I am replacing it with some ASA (left over from my IVF days), and I have asked for even more ASA (which has to be swallowed whole and not in parts). Saves me the guaranteed bitterness. Also, even though my periods were expected to end on Thursday, they persis...

I recently read this at a blogger’s vent: X days away from the negative beta. I was quite struck with the expression, and it did make me grin. How sure are we? Anyhoo, today is CD5. Yesterday was my first day of Siphene 100 mg. [ Siphene is what is known to you as Clomid .] Good Girls start that on CD2 right? I got told on CD3, and I got the medicine on CD4, which explains why I was off at such a snail-rocket start. I have also had a medicine flush…and I am going to list out everything I get to savour, once I really am able to get the entire prescription filled. One thing that I have started since Tuesday is Syrup Gynova , which is a herbal formulation that improves among other things, the oocyte quality. And DH is getting a lot of love from Tab Spermon (The outer flap reads: The Spermatogenetic and Natural Anti-oxidant for Male Functional Infertility.) I am not sure if Spermon and Gynova are going to be of any help, but because they are purely herbal, there won’t be any unwanted s...