My Lady of the Lantern

Getting struck with something you did not presume to exist in your mind is a strange feeling. Or perhaps getting struck boldly with something that sometime crossed your thought field is a strange feeling. I was getting congratulatory phone calls from some family yesterday over something, and at some point then...I was thinking that perhaps I am not a mother, because I really do not actually have the mental make-up of a mother. Longing for a child is fine...but I can play when it plays, and when it poos, I still have the privilege of handing over the baby to the caretaker, but maybe I just don't have the stamina of living with the reality of the dream I think I want but I may be wanting it just because I do not have it. It is a very scary prospect. I thought about it and immediately corrected myself. I tried to bring myself to my senses, but I was thinking at the previous moment too. I was in my senses even then. Getting my PhD would open even more career growth avenues for me. Wha...

Well, doc eased the wand into the-land-that-is-fallow. I was almost also thinking that maybe she would ask me to chuck the blood test report and say that she could really see a sac inside and that was the reason why my periods had not come. She swung left, and she swung right. Caught on to zones and froze them eternal. But all she muttered: Nopes. No pregnancy. Ah okay, I knew that was the case, but anyways would not have hurt to be blindsided by a miracle. Overall her impression from the TVS was: ** Anteverted Uterus – That is the best part. The first time I have not heard retroversion/partial retroversion with respect to my U. ** Endometrial Echo Central Thickened; Hyper-echoic ** Both ovaries prominent and few tiny follicles – Woohoo! The cyst has not come back! ** POD is clear Summation: Non-gravid uterus (Secretory Phase) I have been given a ten-day course of Duphaston (10 mg) and Pregnistar (Levothyroxine, Pyridoxine Hydrocholoride and Nicotinamide). That should be bringing some ...

Was I not chiming August? Wasn’t I? Well, my doctors need to wait now for my thesis to get submitted. Either my thesis will get submitted and I will romance ART again or my thesis will get submitted and I will suddenly wake up to a positive HPT on my own. Come on, you can’t discount the latter possibility coz we are unexplained which is not equal to completely incapable on our own. The inside details are here . I did not choose this…I chose a March deadline (doctor's advice too)…I was mentally unprepared and I chose August and now here I am, with the choice having been temporarily taken away from me. ^WiseGuy^