My Lady of the Lantern

#* AF arrived two days early on March 5 (Friday). It was in the afternoon. I was at work and managed to get into a full-blown showdown with a colleague. #* That would peg today as CD6. That's just trivia. #* As has been the case in the past two cycles, I stop consuming aspirin a couple of days prior to the AF. That has helped me in the sense that the bleeding is not as strong as it was tending to become. #* Sometime in January, I tottered off-Gynova. DH tottered off-Spermon. Hurray! * not * #* The words I am really googling right now are: PGD, antioxidants, pranayam and sperm quality. #* I tend to have random bouts of crying. I will attribute that more to the (work-related) stress I had been under lately than anything else. The quest continues. Edited to Add : As severe as the last bullet may sound, I am NOT crying in front of every other stranger or so. Nor do I have whistling spells in front of friends/family/colleagues. It happened twice over the past four days, all brought...

Well, I have been particularly grumbling and cribbing lately. Somehow I can’t get through to DH the way I want to. I get misunderstood so fast that I have started wondering if there is something fantastically wrong with my communication skills. I have quite a temper and I when I flare, the heat can be felt from any distance. Hubby dearest has recently taken upon himself to correct my human flaws and shape me into a perfect housekeeper and wife. I hate that when I am in a sour mood, DH would much rather count further mistakes I made, rather than trying to take away the pall on me. He wants me to ‘see the reality’ . You really want me to see further darkness, when I am already in the pits? One of the recent statements he has started making is – “ Don’t take out your doctor’s anger on me ”. I hate it. It hurts so much, but nothing on my face makes him understand that he is really pinching a raw wound. I am angry. And if I can’t share my feelings unrestrained with him, what kind of compani...

I have not turned cold. No, I am getting these bouts where tears do escape me. Today evening, my mother sat down on the floor, laid her head on my lap and just kept her head down. I know she was seeking some warm reassurance from me. That is what I did not give to her. I would have balled out - cried like crazy and somehow I am not into public displays of my frustration with myself, with God (I really am upset with this guy) and with why I always have to have the harder path to achieving simple things that seem to fall effortlessly into other people's life. I could not give in. Who needs that reassurance more? Yesterday night, almost my whole family cried in front of me. Dad and bro had their share of tears when I was not there. But my mother followed me upstairs. I wanted to take a bath. She did not let me go till we bear-hugged. She was shaken. She was like - "Oh God, so many injections, so many tablets?". She almost feels responsible for me for having gone through this...