My Lady of the Lantern

My cruddy self is out, so bear with me. I was feeling very licked after this last BFN. It should not be any different. After all, I have made it a habit to belt out BFN after BFN after BFN like clockwork. But then something happened. It is all in the mind, you see. I have been frolicking in a dark blue and green sea. It is shaded with lime and violet and red. It is pink and orange. It rises and heaves and grasps at everything. I am floating effortlessly. Wednesday night, I spoke to my mother....after a four day break (the break was not deliberate). I asked her to sing out the whole conversation she had with Dr. Bigshot. It is since that call that I am floating in the sea. I am not swimming, and I am not drowning. You see, the doctor wants to meet once before he can chart out some course of action. Any such hint would have me irate, but I don't know what broke in me, and I just was tempted to try it out. My stuckheadedness did not knuckle in at all. BabySmiling had asked how far wo...

She woke up to find that the house was empty. She walked around and revelled in the absence of her evil stepsisters. Her dining room was lonely-looking. She sat at the table, tapping her fingers. Maybe this was the right time. She stood up and opened the window....the creeper had still not flowered yet. Hmmm....she wondered. She reached for the cookie jar and quickly grabbed one. A clean bite into the cookie, she realized that there was a tiny paper set into the cookie centre. She opened the paper and it read: "This Lottery Ticket Did Not Win." ^WiseGuy^

Let's get to the technical aspect of this failure. I had apparently good eggs and good sperms. Apparently, my fertilization potential is also superb. Apparently, I am too good to be true. :( It is obvious that there was implantation failure. For what reason? There are no clear reasons for the same. My doc told me that some 'fragmentation' was visible in the embryos that were created. Fragmentation is not a sign that pregnancy will not occur. But, it is certainly a demoting factor in embryo grading. But lower quality embryo does not mean that embryo is not viable. My doc recently had a successful conception with severely fragmented embryos. But I have always been on the wrong side of statistics. That, apparently, is my problem. My embryos, did not go beyond the four-cell stage. None of them did. If you remember from my previous posts, 9 embryos had been created, out of which three were transferred. Well, my doc did not freeze any of them. None of the left-over grew! The next...