My Lady of the Lantern

Sometime last week, an ex-student e-mailed me asking for my whereabouts. He wanted to send me a book. I had not seen this fellow for almost two years, and here he was asking my permission for him to send a book. I told him that rather than UsualCity, I was currently in City X, and he told me he could send me the book to the latter as well. I received the books on Monday. On the box was the name of the online store from where he got the book. I was aware of the website, but had never visited it before. I went to the website, and browsing through the categories randomly, I stumbled upon a title I had been looking for a long while. I had a book of the Pancatantra tales growing up, and I loved the stories....years later, I found that I could teach some concepts to my students recalling stories from the same book I had read as a child. Only, that I no longer had the book, and that I usually found books in the stores here that had a few stories rather than most or all of the stories in ...

(This post is an anchor post. I want to re-visit it again someday in future and re-look at what I perceived at this moment, at this juncture.) Q. How many children do you want? I have answered that question on someone else's blog. I have also possibly spoken of it here and there on my blog. I want two children. Maybe upto three. But definitely two. I have never thought I will be having a single kid family. Even today, I can say I have two - my little darling who went away much too soon, and the one life I have inside me. (And Season, please do not have any CheekyBub plans, okay? I believe what she was, and what she became, but you are not taking it from your sister. Understood?) Q. Then what's the problem? But I wonder if I will be able to experience pregnancy again. I am not making a decision as yet. I am not saying this is my last pregnancy. But I am looking at ground reality here. I have no income. I am away from my hubby, and I hope to return to UsualCity with this p...

My Fetal ECG was preponed to Week 21, and it was done on Thursday afternoon. I was more worried about this one than the Anomaly Scan. The baby's heart is fine. For almost this entire last week, the baby changed its movement pattern significantly. The baby is quiet in the evening, and the only time I felt a good go at my inner regions was in the morning after I woke up. My theory was that the baby was probably awake all night and went off to sleep during daytime while I was doing my random business. Apparently, even this new play broke as a pattern during the ECG. The baby managed to kick right on those spots where the wand was moving on my tummy. Sonologist was smiling and telling me that the baby was moving a lot. Of course, I knew. I could feel the baby go bam-bam. Maybe the baby heard my talk about the changed movements to SuperGyn. I am sure that is the only reason baby's back to the usual again. The scuttled pattern had worried me a lot. I tried to poke and poke one n...

Something happening today morning reminded me of this tweet of a blogger that I read a long while ago. She tweeted something to the effect of - "I wish my bowels would brew faster in the morning." Since then, I have a new phrase in my vocabulary, and that is - bowel-brewing . Funny, right? And you wouldn't want me to explain it to you coz I guess you would have already figured that out. Just a moment in life where someone's tweet gets stuck in your brain and comes out at all the opportune times. On the other hand, I did read an update that did not go down well with me. ( Just know that as I am typing the words, I am mentally going 'Ewwwwww...' all over again ). The concerned person updated on FB -  "Eating a brownie and taking a dump." Of course, I did want to know exactly what was happening in your life! Thanks pal. What is the weirdest phrase you have ever heard someone use on Twitter/FB? Alternatively, what is the grossest thing you have he...

Z- comes to our home frequently - like almost every other day. It is fun to be around him. We don't have any conventional toys for him, no guns, cars or dolls or motorbikes, and he just plays with these tiny horses and elephants we have. He also asks for biscuits, or random other stuff. Sometimes we have it, sometimes we don't. Yet he is willing to take anything from me and taste it. I love that about him, and it also underlines how trusting children can be. His funniest is when you ask him what his father does. One would expect the kid to say, he is a doctor or maybe that he goes to office, but when Z- is asked what his father does, he will reply - 'He hits me.'* I laughed too hard the first time he answered that. He comes around barefoot number of times ( the logic of footwear is an unnecessary figment of adult imagination ). And the best thing is that even though he must touch everything he is interested in, he does not throw things around or play rogue with a...

I have a friend. We have known each other since school time. We were close, and remained so. We changed institutions after school. We still remained close. She freely shared her stuff (clothes, accessories) with me, and I was her confidante. We remained close. She did go out of her way to come and meet me, and sent me gifts out of turn. I was never as 'physically' reciprocating of the gifts, but we continued to be in touch, and remain close. Then, I got married. We still phoned each other. She was there for my wedding. I was there for hers. She had thyroid issues. I had no known issues. She conceived her first. We remained close. My mum was her OB. Slowly, our friendship evolved such that even our families got close. Her son celebrated his second birthday. We were obviously still close. Sometime after that they started to try again. Her second baby was conceived. I knew of her new status, even when her in-laws did not know. She was worried because the betas were not ...

And everything is a-ok. We had a session yesterday for the scan, and had a good look. The baby weighs 281 gms. And the best part is that the placenta had moved away from the OS. I was relieved to know that. The baby's left hand was bent at the elbow and touching the right shoulder, and we got a good view of the baby's face... Armed with my anomaly scan report, I met SuperGyn today morning. Everything is fine for the moment. Fetal Echocardiography has been scheduled for 22 weeks (precautionary measure). I overheard a patient's attendant describe the patient's situation to one of SuperGyn's assistants. I don't want to reveal what the case was, but it just underlined how a basic awareness of our reproductive system can help anticipate and deal with avoidable heartache. It will not eliminate the pain, but will help in ensuring that time is not on futile pursuits.

No surprise there coz he/she may be ditto like yours truly. Tuesday was the anomaly scan. Season decided to show us - the spine . And more spine , and just spine ....the fetal position did not afford us a fantastic view of his/her tiny bits. We just looked at what we possibly could, including a peek at his/her side profile (facial), which was marred by a hand moving across the baby's face. I then had another appointment fixed for Wednesday, and that did not happen because the doc had to go out. Thursday, I have an appointment to finish the anomaly scan business, and I hope Season would have changed position so that we get a proper view. Yup.

And that dream came today morning. It was definitely post-afternoon. I was in an Operation Theatre, and two people - my mum and SuperGyn delivered Season. There were no nurses or any other staff around. I seemed to awaken from the delivery as soon as it was over and the baby was handed to me wrapped in a blanket. It was a boy. I was happy that the baby was alive. When I looked at the baby's face, I was a little taken over by how this baby did not look as beautiful as CheekyBub. On the baby's right cheek was a small scar, shaped like an arc and another mark on the same cheek. I immediately recoiled at how I was assessing my own baby and just hugged the little boy thankful that it was alive. When I woke up, I couldn't help but be reminded of the first time I had a labour dream during my last pregnancy . At that time, I visualized Kaiser being born in my office, and with the size and build of a five month old, and yup, the baby had a moustache.

What were you expecting? That I would be writing a hot, steamy, romance filled post, and hence the title? You are so wrong.....it's just a short note on movements and belly. ;-) Season has a pattern - atleast I am waking up to it now. Season tends to be more active and about at night. Anytime after 2030 hours, and I can feel the movements. Otherwise, I can feel the movements randomly around the day, and they do happen after I have had my lunch. Also, pregnant ladies, does your bump look different at times? Or did it change when you were expecting? Was your bump shape-shifting? I still haven't got a bump that shows from behind (oh, it does, it does for some women). But I find that sometimes, it looks like a bit pinched - like a standing pear, or otherwise it is more rounded. Do I sound crazy? Also, I can feel the tightening or loosening of the navel skin (if I touch it). I am 19 weeks something.

First of all, I should really start talking about that FB breast cancer awareness meme that has taken our blogs by storm. But sadly, I find I have nothing spectacular to say about it. I just believe that it is a meme that contributes nothing to the awareness of breast cancer. When I first found these queer status messages popping up, I was confused. One of the women who posted it is a grandma, and I was like, 'is she pregnant?'. It was only when I asked around that I came to know what it was. All I know is that reading any of those status updates did not raise my awareness at all. I know only as little or as much of it as I knew before that meme happened. So that meme has completely missed its purpose and raison d'être. That's that. I know a woman who lost her battle to breast cancer. I think if she could update her status, she would say: "I am 0 weeks pregnant, and I crave life." But I don't think she can do that at all. I don't even believe tha...

Do you wish you could deny your infertility? Seriously, I want the truth. If given a chance would you do it? If you could wipe the memory of your friends and family clean, would you reinstall the infertile status in their memory? Would you be able to do it if you remained childless? Would you peruse the fertile card if you chanced to be able to have a biological child? (I wish I could be THAT smug) This year has been the family baby carnival - series of babies being handed down from the skies to waiting parents. Technically , every year is a baby carnival - some or the other person in family or friends or acquaintances is keeping the stork busy. But this year was different. I was in the queue too. So, I meet this lady, who is telling me of this other couple (which relationship-wise plus socially is close to her) and their first-born who has arrived a short while back. And she chirped about them, telling me something to the effect of the baby having come after the parents finally d...