My Lady of the Lantern

There are too many things that abound around me. My aunt is here. She lives in a coastal area. I told her last year that I would bring the baby to meet her. I also wanted my kid to have a flavour of the beach. Well, that is not going to happen. My aunt is knitting something. The wool she is using is partly from the lot she had for knitting Kaiser/Lola's sweater. I think of Lola every day. On Monday I went to meet the SuperPed here in City X, and was surrounded by a sea of babies and family in the waiting area. He took me in immediately and I was crying by the time I came out. And the sea still existed. Lola should have been here for a routine visit/vaccination or whatever. Instead, she came summarized in a paper file . It hurts big time. And my ears! In UsualCity I could hear the cry of a baby coming from the adjacent building. And here in City X, there is an infant in the neighbourhood whose cry I hear now and then. It does not affect me in the sense of making me cry, but it seems...

Cried. Sitting in the cabin right now...perfectly alright till a few minutes back. Thought over the visit of my aunts to my mother's home. One of my aunts has got me beautiful gifts over from England. Not that I have seen them, but with her taste, nothing can go wrong. Which led to the thought of what bedrooms they took in the home. Which led to my mother's statement that ever since I left her in December, the house does not feel as lonely as it used to. That there is some presence. A sense of company. Her insecurity, when Papa had to go away to a different city because of a transfer was reduced once I left. I remember that it was December 6th that I left. I was bleeding. Sounds like a blubber. Yes, that is how disjointed my thought process suddenly became. :( It could have been well into my second trimester now. Could have. Is not. ^WiseGuy^