My Lady of the Lantern

..as normal is normal these days. I have an off today from work and so far I am just riding it out. In fact, as I am typing this I realized I left something on the stove that I have not stirred in the last 30 minutes... ... stir stir stir... There was a workshop these past three days, and I took care to stay comfortable. For afternoon sessions, I used to intentionally sit in the last few rows so that I could rest my legs on an adjoining chair. And oy, on Sunday (day 2 of the workshop), a colleague (*sniff sniff, yes*) asked me if ' my baby was a test tube baby or normal' . It was a little deja vu of what Mel had covered in a post not too long ago. Well, I just replied that I had conceived the baby naturally. Normal is an idiotic term to use really. I am sixteen weeks, two days today, and hopefully will meet Dr. BS tomorrow night. ^WiseGuy^

It finally peaked last night. I have been making small mistakes here and there. Ouch, I said and got forward knowing that it was too minor for anything. A jerk here, a foot stuck in some wire there, getting up too fast or having to use the stairs more than often. Cutting a little slack in the resting time, passing on the milk and all that jazz, I did random things wrong. Again very minor random things. Yesterday, X had organized a small get-together at my home. Few of my relatives were to attend the lunch. First of all, I did not sleep too well. Plus there was some excitement about the event. I took a half-day off from work and reported in the office in the morning, then dashed back home around 1230 hrs. The lift was not working and I took the stairs. The excitement quotient stayed high. What I ate was heavier than what I was accustomed to. Part of the visitors left, and one aunt stayed back. I thought she had gone to rest, but she was in the mood for chatting. We talked and her family...

X told me to not hold back my cravings or Kaiser would salivate excessively! Yep, it was just few days back that I heard those golden words. X is about to visit us. She will be here on Wednesday and will stay with us till Friday evening. God help me! And its a good time for me to already start looking for my invisible cotton earplugs. ^WiseGuy^

Dear K, There is a way mothers can get on your nerves like nobody can. And yes, there is not one thing you can do about it. I took several years to understand and acknowledge it, but you must know what you should now get ready for. When I saw you last time, you were sucking your thumb. That was so cute. Only that if that happens when you are out, that thumb would have to come out stat! I went shopping for greeting cards on Sunday, and I ended up looking for and identifying things I want to buy for you - a cute heart shape pillow, and a baby book cum picture album. Mummy was meditating and saw a young boy. She believes that she saw you. We will see about that. I want you to come out healthy and fine, and if you are a girl well, I will get to buy all the cute frocks that I only see and pass on. Oh by the way, if you want to take one thing from me, take my smiling face. That is so pleasant! Stay good baby! ^WiseGuy^

# My latest craving is pizza. # I have been quite well as such. But a point on my lower back now seems to be too eager to confirm its presence. Especially when I lie down on my back, it is as if the whole tension is concentrated on that one point. Thankfully, the pain disappears as soon as I turn and lie on my left/right side. # Frankly, I appreciate that I am on the path of having kids later than sooner. Make no mistake, I am not appreciating infertility. I am actually happy that parenthood is not a blech-obvious-succession thing for me. Case in point: A friend's friend X got married in December last year and she is due this December. X has still not adapted well with her new setting, but 'since she got married late, and had to have kids anyways' , she actually did not think about whether or not to become a parent already. How can having kids be equated with the same ease as having laxatives for constipation? She did not think of her reproductive choices, she did not consi...

I finally did manage to take belly pics last evening. Here is a glorious 13wk5d shot for your viewing pleasure. And since I don't want to end the post in just two lines, I just wanted to add that my BP dropped to 130/80 in the last trip to Dr. BS. ^WiseGuy^

Went in for a check-up on Wednesday night. It went well. Mummy was with me. We had an ultrasound. Kaiser has me confused. The blog ticker bombed-tick-tocked at 13wk3days but Kaiser was measuring 14wk2days. As usual, I will keep holding to the conservative figure. This trip of Mummy was also subject to discussion on where I would finally want to have my delivery. Still very fluid on that. I have not been able to take a pic of the belly, and I will perhaps do it in a couple of days. You guys be good. ^WiseGuy^

# Please skip this post if you are not in the mood for any sensitive/emotional heavy-duty stuff. One particular November I was preparing 'all guns out' to conceive. I was all out, and I jumped all hurdles listening to ' Perfect ' at all those jumps except....except for the last one barrier - that one hurdle that mattered the most to me. I was not prepared to fail. I processed it in shock, numbness, despair and disbelief. I grieved and mourned for the three babies I lost to my dumb body. And it was those three that I clutched to as my lost gems, till another bat hit me right on my face. A Sunday, not far from today, I was resting when I thought of the other six that did not make it. Look at me, I was so partial to the trio that I completely glossed over the other six lives I half-created. What if I had not failed? What if I had the triplets? The other six would still not have found me. I have never imagined having nine children. I created and managed to lose all of them...

I have too much to write and not enough time, so rather than posting separately and giving due honours to my ideas, I will just make a has-all kind of a post. I - Flashback We have a thing...mothers who drop something on their dress while eating sometimes quip that probably their kid is hungry. Before I say it, let's just say that I am not really Bella Swan in the eating department. But cleanliness? Yep, maybe. In August 2008, I was sharing some snack with a colleague and kind of dropped some tidbit on my dress. The fabric had a tidy splotch of oil from the drop. I quipped spontaneously, " Oh my child must be hungry ." My colleague rolled her eyes. She knew my stellar status. She asked, "Are you expecting?" I said ' No ' and laughed it off. Last Thursday, I and Birdman were enjoying ice-cream after our dinner, and I managed to have some chocolate drip onto my nightgown. I started smiling. I told him, " Oh Kaiser must be hungry ." I am so relie...

** Thanks for the superb doppler suggestion. I am trying to see if I can get my hands on one. ** The four things from hell: Pepsi, Coffee, Potatoes and Chocolate. Amount of Coffee intake since I found out I was pregnant: Zero. Amount of Pepsi/Soft Drink intake since I found out I was pregnant: One 300 ml bottle, plus short and long sips here and there. I have not been able to get rid of it completely. Amount of Chocolate intake since I found out I was pregnant: Good thing is no one frowns on my chocolate consumption now. Haven't had too much of the chocolate still. Amount of Potatoes since I found out I was pregnant: Well, I crave potatoes. And potato chips. It's the only dark side of my consumption that will irk my mother. ^WiseGuy^

Possibly the first time I did it to myself. And I am not happy about it at all. About 90 minutes ago, when I was still settled in front of my PC, I suddenly noticed my posture. I have this particular way of sitting lately because sitting erect for too long on this chair makes me feel very uncomfortable. Then why was I comfortable doing it today? Why did my back not start killing me already? I suddenly had this crazy rumble that maybe there was something wrong with the baby. Yes, that's what I thought. I stunned myself altogether. Oh God, the appointment was still about 10 days away from today. Needless to say, it has taken a lot of WiseGuy Vs. WiseGuy cajoling to bring me back to normalcy. I can't really take anything going wrong with this pregnancy. P.L.E.A.S.E. G.O.D. Breathing deeply, I told my brain to shut the hell up. A part of my brain is still floating in the cynic-sauce. Not good. ^WiseGuy^