My Lady of the Lantern

As a teenager I once solved a maths problem in my dream. I had been working on it a little before dinner time. After I slept, my mind kept working on the problem and I figured out the solution in my dream. I woke up next day and tried what I saw in the dream and voila, the solution held true! That means I truly had the trapping of a great mad mathematician, barring that I managed to fail every Maths test except for the finals and that was the only one time I solved a maths problem in my sleep. Plus, dreaming about numbers was really not my best thought for a dream. Anyways, Monday night I woke up mid-sleep to relieve myself. After that, I had a tiny problem in regaining the sound sleep I was enjoying prior to leaving my bed. And in that half-sleep, half-awake state, there were delicious visions of the baby I was having. I realized that these were the few nights where I shared the bedroom alone with Birdman. I plan to have Kaiser sleep with us (in the same room, though not in the same b...

Possibly the first time I did it to myself. And I am not happy about it at all. About 90 minutes ago, when I was still settled in front of my PC, I suddenly noticed my posture. I have this particular way of sitting lately because sitting erect for too long on this chair makes me feel very uncomfortable. Then why was I comfortable doing it today? Why did my back not start killing me already? I suddenly had this crazy rumble that maybe there was something wrong with the baby. Yes, that's what I thought. I stunned myself altogether. Oh God, the appointment was still about 10 days away from today. Needless to say, it has taken a lot of WiseGuy Vs. WiseGuy cajoling to bring me back to normalcy. I can't really take anything going wrong with this pregnancy. P.L.E.A.S.E. G.O.D. Breathing deeply, I told my brain to shut the hell up. A part of my brain is still floating in the cynic-sauce. Not good. ^WiseGuy^

Before anything, I really want to appreciate the lovely and wisdom filled comments you left me on my previous post. They brought me insight and I feel better about having spelt it out. --- Last evening was my fortnightly appointment with Dr. BS. Chronologically, I was 11wk1d yesterday. Kaiser measured 11wk4d!!! I am really exasperated with keeping all the numbers intact really....everything still seems to be very fluid. But I loved my little champ for this. Kaiser was flapping his hands and legs. I was amazed to see the growth spurt...from the tiny being that I saw last, Kaiser now resembled more like an actual baby. And I told myself that this was my uterus that was being visualized. I was watching...my baby! I have planned to keep my calculations as per the chronological details only. My prescription got modified a bit and the drugs I am taking will change from 6th August. One thing, the baby aspirin will continue till my eighth month. My BP measured 140/84...slightly higher than usu...

Every now and then, I love to shower you with all the icky and non-icky symptoms I am experiencing. Now is the time for another ahoy-edition of the same: - Skin: Oily, Very Oily ( spoken like you were James Bond ). - Hair: Here I fall, There I fall, Everywhere I fall-fall. - Clothes: Or the need for any modification to my wardrobe? Nopes...Guess I will be able to stick around with my stuff till atleast four months? Besides the little tummy, nothing else has changed in my dimensions. Blessings. - And My Lovely Intestines: You do not need TMI Alert here. It is expected that you would assume so. So dear doc gave me a laxative and told me it was safe in first trimester, and that I should not take it everyday...change my dosage, or skip a day. I skipped Monday, had issues on Tuesday, so took it on Tuesday, and now my bowels are on over-drive. I bow to your insolent might, my bowels. You are more whimsical than me. That much I admit. - Food: Can skip breakfast, can skip dinner. Don...

I don't really have an elaborate tale about why the ban on New Moon nights. It is explained thus: New Moon nights are especially potent for Tantric practices and Black Magic. I know that there is nobody on this planet sticking needles into a lemon or tiny doll in my name, but apparently lot of things are attempted on such nights. That is the source of the ban. MIL dear is just being super-extra-frills-added-cautious. Here's my strategy - Won't go out if it I can help it. Will go out and not tell my ILs about my trip. I want to be comfortable in my skin. I want to do things that appear okay to me. I don't want to just acquiesce because somebody else has some prejudices. So, I will follow the line till I can, and then, well you know me. --- On a different note, here is my 9w5d belly . (I am not quite adept yet at taking pics of my belly. I will improve.) You are not permitted to comment on the clutter in the background. :-) I would be 10 weeks tomorrow! 10 weeks!!! ^WiseG...

Ha Ha Ha! You better go off all those things you are feeding yourself and your spouse, because it is all in your stupid mind. All those vain shots of hope? Gah! You just have to kick it out of your brain, and wham it will happen. After all the best attempts are made by people who have sex but do not want to get pregnant. History is replete with success rates there...and here we are thinking sex with progeny pasted on our faces. Climbing down the Preacher Pole... ^Deep Breath^ I was on a treatment break, not a TTC break. I was on a treatment break for several reasons: a) Having had my fill of medicated cycles. b) Having sub-optimal access to ART in my current abode. c) Energy sucked into a thesis (Nopes, Am not done with it yet/ Please Whip me to go faster, would you?) But I was noting my cycles, making an ovulation calendar, and intentionally having 'fun' on/around the dates. I was not relaxed. Whisper ads were rubbing on to me...In fact, I was too set to have my AF arrive in J...

In case you haven't noticed it yet, I suddenly have nothing to say. I find myself doing something that a lot of ALI bloggers seem to abhor - the tendency to only write pregnancy details post-BFP . I seriously don't have any more fountains shooting from my brain. I am still in awe of myself, and my body. I always wanted to, but did not really expect for plain sex to do the trick. My pregnancy is not a fruit of 'Just Relax', as I will like to point out in some other post. And when I read Barb's news , it hit me about how short-lived this can be. I am trying to be very positive. ( If you haven't been there already, please do so now....I hurt for her. ) My symptoms continue as usual. Fatigue disappeared for two short days early this week, but is back in full glory. And yes, I do sleep in my office . *he he he* (My cabin is at the absolute end of a long series of cabins and that grants me some privacy.) Off to get some housework done now...with all the precautions, I...

Kaiser! Yeps, finally did get to see my doc last night. Baby was measuring 6 weeks,1 day...and I am just too glad about it. So here's the rehashing...my life would change every Tuesday Sunday, as I make it from week to week into this pregnancy. Birdman was there. We got a pic of the ultrasound and he asked me about the contents of the picture....he was walked through the uterus, the sac and precious being developing inside. So we have this one perfect baby going super strong...and I pray to meet the little one in February 2011, safe and healthy in my arms. That would be so good really. ---- Rant ahead... Yeah, I told you about Dr. M right? The assistant to Dr. BS? Well everybody has to go through Dr. M, and then only Dr. BS would see the patient. Last night I was very hopeful of getting that ultrasound from Dr. BS, and was not very happy when I was made to sit in front of Dr. M. Two things really snap-cracked me : a) She told me, 'Let's see you .' I froze, because if I...

I would like to really really really thank everyone who has commented on the past few posts of mine...especially beginning from the June 8th post. For those of you whose e-mail address comes associated with the comment to me, I did hit 'Reply'. However, there are quite a few of you (and several new bloggers for me), who don't have an associated mail id, and so I could not get back to you. But I hugely appreciate your cheering for me. I would also like to acknowledge that some of you who commented have had it very very rough yourself very recently, and yet you came out to chirp with me. I am humbled by that. -- Dr. BS has an assistant called Dr. M. This past week, every time I phoned up to possibly be able to meet Dr. BS, the receptionist would told me that I could just as well book myself for an appointment with Dr. M. The thing is I did not particularly like Dr. M. Anyways, after I was ladled with another 'She won't be available today' , I decided to call Dr. B...

Today I am on the threshold of a new week....and I just look at how close I am getting to those highlighted milestones ( have marked dates on a calendar )...12 weeks is far off, 28 weeks is even more away...and yet every passing date is such a blessing. My symptoms are fluid. My nausea has ceased. Thankfully my boobs and pee-circus still remind me hugely about my present condition.... I also tend to have this dull bitter taste in my mouth, and I appreciate it whole-heartedly. I have my appointment scheduled tonight...and I am pretty excited about the prospect of seeing the gestational sac....I hope and pray that I do see it... I am taking every step with a lot of caution, and I have still not allowed myself unbridled joy over this. I want to be reassured. To this and beyond!! ^WiseGuy^

CONFIRMED!!! 1306 at 17dpo!!!! Woot Woot! Will go with a more composed heart for Tuesday's appointment.... Please keep praying for me/ keeping me in your thoughts. I can't quite believe it... ^WiseGuy^

I was stretched on the bed, and Birdman was moving around the house, doing his usual morning stuff. He came back to ask me: "Hmmm...would the baby be like you or like me?" I did not need to really respond coz he answered himself - 'Surely like me!!! '. Please remember that I am not even 5 weeks yet... ^WiseGuy^

Why do women start acting up when they are pregnant? Why do they believe that men cannot understand what they are going through, and that husbands are slaves? DH came fuming over a colleague's tale. I won't narrate the whole details of the incident, coz that would confuse you, but the story goes like this... hubby's subordinate's wife is expecting. That couple has been at loggerheads for about four-five days. The wifey and her hubby are playing one-up by shooting each other's suggestions down. This subord had seeked to share my domestic help for a while to relieve his pregnant wife a bit. He finalized the help, but when the hired help visited the home, the wife turned him down, just to spite her husband. What has happened is that, the couple had been driving down a road, and the hubby missed a pit, and the woman felt a very strong jerk. She is pissed off at her DH for being so careless. And the husband is pleading innocence, saying that he never meant to do so, that...

No farmer adds fertilizer to a land he is not planning to seed. Decision made: No Clomid for me this cycle. I was in two minds over this. A… On one hand I thought that there was a chance of late ovulation ( no Mam, I have no rational explanation for that ), and that I was quantifying the number of hours an egg remains inside post ovulation, and how long a sperm stays alive, and I had this faint hope that sperms may catch the egg a little late but still may ( no Mam, I have no rational explanation for that too ). The other reason is that the history of the trip that DH is about to undertake is such that it has been cancelled/postponed in the past. So, if I were not to take Clomid, and DH has his plans scuttled on let’s say, December 4th, I am going to be pretty pleased not. B… On the other hand, it makes a lot of sense to not take Clomid, when there is likely to be complete missing action in the most crucial days. It does not make sense to poke the ovaries into turning bubble-o when not...

I have been meaning to see the movie for quite sometime now. And it happened last night. Several things strike me: ~~~Ellen Page is amazing. She really did not appear to be anything older than 16. ~~~How come the Dad is so cool about having a pregnant daughter? ~~~Juno’s boyfriend – what a twerp! ~~~Juno gives birth and gives the baby for adoption and both she and her precious boyfriend refuse to see the baby. ~~~That girl screaming – Every child wants to be borned ! ~~~What is the emotional, mental and physical aftermath of this pregnancy and giving up of the baby? Does Juno carry any guilt? Does she ever want to find out about Vanessa and her son? ~~~Juno and the boyfriend are shown singing and kissing in the fag end of the movie. It is as if Juno lost a year not because of the baby, but an exchange program. As if the pregnancy and the baby passed away in the blink of an eye. I am not being judgmental. Am I missing a point here? ^WiseGuy^

Ah, DH was planning a Singapore trip for both of us in early December this year. I would have travelled back after the vacation and he would have stayed on for a couple of days, for business reasons. I should have been jumping with joy (after all, this trip was one of the reasons why my passport was rushed), but I am not. Want to know why? Coz, I may be pregnant then. And if I were to be preggie, it would automatically come into the category of a high-risk pregnancy. Of course, there is no guarantee that I will be preggie in December but my IVF is planned for November. So, What if ?

I don't think you prayed enough for me... I am bleeding through. The pregnancy test is sitting cosily in the refrigerator. This time too it has to take its rest. But I have decided to not take any hormones or any other medicines atleast in the next cycle. My right ovary chocolate cyst has come back, but "Frankly my Dear, Now I don't give a damn".