My Lady of the Lantern

It's over. Agnedy Fugnimima made a two-day early trip to my uterus. I am in pain - physical as well as emotional. Why does this script have to read so horrible ? Why? Why do I have to end up looking like an idiot all the time? I have Meftal-Spas sitting on my table, ready to be consumed once I have forced down some biscuits, but I so wish I did not need it, but my lower regions seem to be churning. I could have done without this. When I was out of my bath and I was confirmed that AF had arrived, I was so so so sad. I came out crying the tears that I wished I had been crying out for different reasons. I had another 'feeling' today morning, and I am not going to jot it down because God may be reading my blog. Damn. ^WiseGuy^

Cried. Sitting in the cabin right now...perfectly alright till a few minutes back. Thought over the visit of my aunts to my mother's home. One of my aunts has got me beautiful gifts over from England. Not that I have seen them, but with her taste, nothing can go wrong. Which led to the thought of what bedrooms they took in the home. Which led to my mother's statement that ever since I left her in December, the house does not feel as lonely as it used to. That there is some presence. A sense of company. Her insecurity, when Papa had to go away to a different city because of a transfer was reduced once I left. I remember that it was December 6th that I left. I was bleeding. Sounds like a blubber. Yes, that is how disjointed my thought process suddenly became. :( It could have been well into my second trimester now. Could have. Is not. ^WiseGuy^

She came! Not banging yet....hope for less bleeding, less pain and no more than five days of usual engagement! ^WiseGuy^

Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a high tower. She did not have very long hair, nor her song was as sweet. She did not even meet dwarfs and bears in her whole life and her mirror could not talk. Her horse was just a horse. Anyways, her father got her married off to somebody in the next high tower and this princess thought that like all others - her maids, friends and neighbours, there would be blossoming in her garden as well. So year after year, when there were invitations from neighbouring kingdoms for baby showers and birthdays, the princess really did not realize anything was wrong. Are you actually reading this? I really don't want to continue the story like this. I am so pregnancy-unexperienced. Want to know why? I was talking to my mother yesterday and I came to know that the cramping and bleeding I had on Decemeber 2nd was when I aborted! What? I aborted? Seriously, is that abortion? Am I crazy? You mean there was no implantation failure? What? Am I turni...

I am still bleeding....And I have no conclusive evidence to say whether it is my periods I am going through or a protracted effect of Leuprogon Depot. I want to break free! Sanitary Napkins are a mind-sticker...invisibly stuck to your forehead, you can almost feel them there....rather than down-under! P.S. Thank God for Whisper!!! ^WiseGuy^

I peed on my ray of sunshine....literally! I am bleeding heavily. The sole relief is that at least, I am out of my WaitLand ! Will be visiting my doc today. This cycle, I will be on a new pill regimen. Watch and Watch and Watch!

Had a thick brown discharge in the early half of the evening. I quickly took precautions and am pleased to announced that I did not bleed after that. I am still sitting a bit uptight. I am trying to not think about the whole thing and am drowning my frowns in Stephen Robbins's Organizational Behaviour and 'Father of the Bride' on Star Movies..... I am not sure what to expect, but the fact that there is no active bleeding can be a ray of hope for me. Have to wait for tomorrow morning to come!

Bleeding again. So depressed. Yet a ^WxxxGxx^

I don't think you prayed enough for me... I am bleeding through. The pregnancy test is sitting cosily in the refrigerator. This time too it has to take its rest. But I have decided to not take any hormones or any other medicines atleast in the next cycle. My right ovary chocolate cyst has come back, but "Frankly my Dear, Now I don't give a damn".