Anxiety....Subsided

I peed on my ray of sunshine....literally! I am bleeding heavily.

The sole relief is that at least, I am out of my WaitLand! Will be visiting my doc today. This cycle, I will be on a new pill regimen.

Watch and Watch and Watch!

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I am a Bloody Fool

Lola had a cardiac arrest on Jan 16, 2011 which she did not survive. I was kept in the dark.

I Should Have Known

...On the night of 19th when my breasts became hard and sore to touch, the nurses brought me hot water bottles rather than my baby. I should have known. ...Birdman was apparently away to Very Big City with our baby. Every SMS update sent to me about her after 16th Jan was fake. I was a donkey eating at his trough. I should have known. ...Visitors who came to see me in the hospital did not look me straight in the eye. I should have known. ...My mother sounded reluctant every time I asked her on a timeline on when my stitches would be cut and I could travel to Very Big City. I should have known. ...I grieved at how many pricks and tubes were affixed to my little baby while she lay cold and unfeeling at the bottom of an earth pit fatigued from all the effort she put into staying alive. I should have known. ...Family dropped clues on how oxygen deprivation could affect the brain. I spelt it out for them. I told them that Lola was my daughter even if she came out r-e-t-a-r-d-e-d from the o...

Season...

With very limited time and access to the netz, I just want to declare that Lady Season is here. She arrived last Wednesday, and I will someday in future speak of how due to SuperPed's preparedness a crisis was averted. I tend to have firework endings. Her with me, and my first chance of mothering is like a spray of cold water on my face. I am very sleep deprived. Apparently, wise birds said to me that I should sleep when the girl sleeps, but so far my body schedule and kid's schedule are haywire. I hope to be better adapted to this soon. It is tough for me to find net time as of now, and there are a couple of things I want to post online, since CBub's dates also passed by recently, but so far it does not seem to be happening. And I just want to say thanks. Even though I am craptastic at responding, I am reading off and on as I can manage.

My Lady of the Lantern

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