My Lady of the Lantern

Before anything else, go sing a happy song for Barbara ...she just found out that she is expecting!!! Completely Awesome! And a pure ray of hope! I know that with the previous post, it appeared to some of you that I was all set to get that IUI. No, I won't . I have put on hold a number of things to be pregnant, or to the imaginary prospect of having conceived. I will not compromise a predictable outcome for the sake of something that remains as much a shot in the dark as ever. I have something lined up really...thesis, weight loss, good shot at pregnancy ( and the last two can run concurrent ). But I cannot keep up with the rush of u/s appointments and my guide's expectations. Plus, I am not a good multi-tasker ( ambiguous about it totally ), and I manage superbly only when I am playing Farmville, and tweeting and writing a mail around the same moment of time * ...I am just not upto doing it. I can get the IUI done in this very city, and that is the sweetest thing, you know. An...

I woke up as usual today...carried my cup of coffee to the balcony... Time of that kind is spent staring at the sky, the pigeons and the sparrows, and the ugly new cable that has been set up on my railing. It is also spent on watching my five tiny plants struggle to stay green and flourish. That time is spent in sipping the coffee, or staring into the cup or registering that I probably did not make it right today or fully enjoying what I made. I watch the sparse traffic on the road below, and the man (who is the keeper of a water tank). And then my eyes watered today. I was not crying, or I was. I am not sure of what it was. My tears sprung up too fast and rolled down in fat drops, and they stopped at that. I was re-living a moment that I lived through on December 4, 2008. I was also adding some fantasy to it. But more or less, I remembered the crying then. Is it going to be like this? Like reading through to Chapter 13 to be force-fed Chapter 2 again? ^WiseGuy^

...no September baby(s) for me. That still leaves October, November and December 2010! AF expected on Tuesday...let's get this party on board now! P.S. I had a funny moment with trying to POAS today. I have to remember not being too sleepy-brained next time. ^WiseGuy^

I opened my refrigerator to find my stock of the pee-sticks at zero. On 26th, I will buy myself the customary devils, coz I have resolved to test every cycle , no matter how vague my chances are. ************************************ This past week has witnessed me packing like crazy. Neighbours from the previous building popped up at random, enquiring my need to move during those two days of packing/shifting. One of the ladies was asking me about what other homes we had seen through for possible renting. I told her how we were stuck on finding a flat to live in rather than an independent house/bungalow for safety reasons (as DH tends to stay away from the city at sporadic intervals). She nodded in complete agreement at the DH-away angle. “And you don’t even have children, or that would have kept you occupied a bit.” She also wanted to know why we decided to move into a three bedroom apartment. Because I may reproduce. “Oh no other flat was empty, and this location is quite nice.” ( whi...

No farmer adds fertilizer to a land he is not planning to seed. Decision made: No Clomid for me this cycle. I was in two minds over this. A… On one hand I thought that there was a chance of late ovulation ( no Mam, I have no rational explanation for that ), and that I was quantifying the number of hours an egg remains inside post ovulation, and how long a sperm stays alive, and I had this faint hope that sperms may catch the egg a little late but still may ( no Mam, I have no rational explanation for that too ). The other reason is that the history of the trip that DH is about to undertake is such that it has been cancelled/postponed in the past. So, if I were not to take Clomid, and DH has his plans scuttled on let’s say, December 4th, I am going to be pretty pleased not. B… On the other hand, it makes a lot of sense to not take Clomid, when there is likely to be complete missing action in the most crucial days. It does not make sense to poke the ovaries into turning bubble-o when not...

My guest of honour who was expected to reach me on 29th preponed the visit by three days. Even though I tend to Woohoo Whistle Welcome an earlier than usual arrival, this one arrival has left me calculating and reviewing my cycle plan. DH is going to be out of town from December 6th - 12th. Counting by my cycle days, he shall be out from CD11 to CD17, which is significant chunk of my harvest time. Given my plan to commence Clomid for 5 days from CD2, I now wonder whether it is worth it to do Clomid at all. Or that I should start it by let's say, CD4? Or I should just add December to another non-medicated TTC cycle? Questions. Questions. Questions. Thanks God. ^WiseGuy^

* I am relieved to not be packing AF protection gear in my bags this time. One less thing to worry about indeed. * Thanks to reading it here and there, I have become very sensitive to my own EWCM pattern, and even though I do not have any ovulation pain, the gush of EWCM tells me what my body is upto. Atleast for the last cycle, I was aware. And this cycle too, I could distinctly make it out. The report card for this month is yet to be published though. * Metformin? I started waddling in the medicine slush beginning August 2009. Immediate to me starting Metformin, I spoke of how my loo trips had increased . Well, even though that part is subsided, there is one persistent thing that still is staying with me, and that is the bowel department has got a little screwed up – not good or bad screwed up, but adequately anomalous to the routine. I am not writing any more on this as it is very embarrassing, but it was important for me to document this as a side effect. * Another thing is that...

Cried. Sitting in the cabin right now...perfectly alright till a few minutes back. Thought over the visit of my aunts to my mother's home. One of my aunts has got me beautiful gifts over from England. Not that I have seen them, but with her taste, nothing can go wrong. Which led to the thought of what bedrooms they took in the home. Which led to my mother's statement that ever since I left her in December, the house does not feel as lonely as it used to. That there is some presence. A sense of company. Her insecurity, when Papa had to go away to a different city because of a transfer was reduced once I left. I remember that it was December 6th that I left. I was bleeding. Sounds like a blubber. Yes, that is how disjointed my thought process suddenly became. :( It could have been well into my second trimester now. Could have. Is not. ^WiseGuy^

I have still not recounted my ICLW experience. I have been on that list for the past three months, I believe. But the December 2008 experience was the most active one. Prior to December, I had a very ad hoc way of covering the list. I only got back to people who left comments on mine (I am pathetic, I know!). In December as well, I did not really aim to be an Iron Commentator. However, what I aimed at was covering the list as much as possible and more systematically than before . And the fact that I read about 52 blogs (several of them new for me) made the exercise very rewarding. I have left comments on 95 percent of the blogs. This really was serious fun. It is easier to cover the Show and Tell participants because they are more limited and I have found that the group which is active on that list is mostly common to every week. Since S&T happens more frequently, it is easier for me to maintain continuity and a sense of direction as to what that blogger/blog normally talks about a...

All quiet on the western front! Literally! Well, not much is happening currently. While my staple of pills and Progesterone support continues, the fruits of the ET will get verified only on December 4. I cannot call it an anxious wait, only a long one! I have stopped being stressed. I do not know how this super condition arrived, but luckily, I did get hold of my 'turn-it-off' button. I am sure my embies are there, and I keep on touching my tummy reassuringly. With my mother's magic touch as well, I am sure something good is going to come out of all this. Till then, I am wandering in magical mushroom land, killing time with TV and music and computers! ^WiseGuy^

Ah, DH was planning a Singapore trip for both of us in early December this year. I would have travelled back after the vacation and he would have stayed on for a couple of days, for business reasons. I should have been jumping with joy (after all, this trip was one of the reasons why my passport was rushed), but I am not. Want to know why? Coz, I may be pregnant then. And if I were to be preggie, it would automatically come into the category of a high-risk pregnancy. Of course, there is no guarantee that I will be preggie in December but my IVF is planned for November. So, What if ?