My Lady of the Lantern

I opened my refrigerator to find my stock of the pee-sticks at zero. On 26th, I will buy myself the customary devils, coz I have resolved to test every cycle , no matter how vague my chances are. ************************************ This past week has witnessed me packing like crazy. Neighbours from the previous building popped up at random, enquiring my need to move during those two days of packing/shifting. One of the ladies was asking me about what other homes we had seen through for possible renting. I told her how we were stuck on finding a flat to live in rather than an independent house/bungalow for safety reasons (as DH tends to stay away from the city at sporadic intervals). She nodded in complete agreement at the DH-away angle. “And you don’t even have children, or that would have kept you occupied a bit.” She also wanted to know why we decided to move into a three bedroom apartment. Because I may reproduce. “Oh no other flat was empty, and this location is quite nice.” ( whi...

Monday night (April 27, 2009), we were about to conclude an intimate business when I asked DH whether he ever believes that we may remain childless. Answer? No. But the No is not as in, "No, we would not be childless" . The No stands for "I do not think about it" . Here I am, tempting my wrinkles to start coming around any day now (huh..overstatement) and totally aware of the prospect of being barren, and here I have a partner who does not think about it at all!!! I egged on. I was not convinced by his line of thinking, but DH had clammed up. Either he withheld his inner thoughts or he really was telling the truth to me about his attitude towards having or not having children ever. He said, 'Why fret over what is outside our control? '. I think as far as IF is concerned, in terms of Locus of Control, I am an internal and he is an external. Now his line of thinking has advantages, and possibly the biggest is that one is exempted from the pressure-cooker perfo...