My Lady of the Lantern

I mean, I have met her. She is just one of the many who work in the office. I would even describe her as a nice girl. She is not the first nice girl that has ever worked there. She will not be the last. I am not their HR. I can't say anything anywhere.  Now there is this thin veil of suspicion through which I minutely look at every move. Is he being extra warm? Extra cosy? Extra attentive? Is he making a special effort? Technically, no bridges have been burned. But there are responses and then there are responses. When one says, it is not possible, it is more a confirmation of absence of conducive circumstances and opportunity than the lack of desire.  Technically, no big feathers were ruffled. But when the whole office calls each other with a formal suffix of one or the other kind, there is something wrong with a text referring to one's boss (at multiple occasions) in just the first name. That is a red flag.  Conversations where threads are deleted in be...

I am writing it now rather than last week, when it was a fresh shock and I would have opened up far more than what I would now, and hence regret posting stuff. I won't waste time though, and will still leave ample masala for a hot, angry curry.  I will just delve in and around and flit carelessly because that is what smart women like me do, when we can't deal with things and still have fog on the brain. Figlia and I are bound by the law of magnetism, I suppose. We are alike, and hence our clashes? She is 3 going on 16 some days. There is sharp logic, she questions stuff (cue: everything), and has choices. I will be unfair if I tell that she only acts in front of me, but I am still short on coping with the temper flares.  I lose control before she does. There is petty stuff, such as having a tantrum on the clothes she is wearing, and how she would rather be in the birthday girl's dress because her dress is not good enough.  She is amenable at points, and h...

Yesterday, I had a lunch date with a colleague/friend. I was gone for about four hours from the house, and came back to M napping and Figlia crying.  She said she was sleepy but was refusing to lie down. And Gracy told me that not only had Figlia hit M with a cardboard box, she was also scraping the lime/distemper off the wall and trying to feed the resisting M!  Figlia has never hurt or tried to hurt M before. So it was a new thing in the house.

I have experienced more headaches in last few months, than since whatever last it was that I remember.  The headaches are sometimes precipitated by a night of wakefulness, but mostly, as I have come to realize are stress related. Then, there is this low throbbing that starts at some grey gutter corner in my brain, somewhere between my ears, or sometimes the back of my head, or the middle of my eyes.  Since the headaches are psychology related, and psychology is the study of the mind and the mind has a brain connection, what was I saying? None of the times I had them, have I ever taken medication, because they often go away in their own time, but boy, do I love the rising frequency! In other excitement, M's cold has not gone away, and Figlia has been coughing since last night.

The title is a rendition of what Figlia tells me when she wants to say that she would like to shut up for a few long nanoseconds. Her chatter is non-stop and she follows me like a tail in the house. I cant even get up from the potty without her telling me to flush it (that sounds funny here). However, what really gets to me is the fact that Figlia is frequently in 'I am upset with you' mode, and sometimes, I have just entered into the house and that happens to be the first statement she makes to me.  Given that I do not expect a "How was your day?" from her, but I don't even want to hear that 'upset' line as often as it comes out from her. I know that she says that on a very superficial level, because it hardly turns out that there is some valid reason for it, but currently, she is still in the phase where I have to tell her repeatedly that she has no reason to be upset with me.  The second bite is food. My girl loves food. That makes my life ...