My Lady of the Lantern

Nopes, Agnedy Fugnimima is nowhere to be seen. She was expected y'day morning. When I woke up, I was not 'feeling' as if she was about to show up. This month my CM mutation happened around CD22/23, a little later than CD16/17, so I am assuming that I ovulated late and so Miss AF would rather be showing up around the 2nd of Jan? That is my guess. My guess is as good as mine, and as bad as mine. *smirk* Just be here, okay? ^WiseGuy^

I can’t believe that I am at the brink of saying goodbye to this year. I think it has passed at incredible speed. 2008 did not end well for me. As I end 2009, I am not at a better status baby-wise, but I am emotionally at a firmer ground. In 2008 end I was still reeling under the aftermath of the IVFw/ICSI cycle, and I believe that for quite a large part of 2009, I struggled with it – trying to understand, ignore, find closure, turn angry or just submit to it. I can hardly remember crystal like what transpired in January, it is all hazy to me. I had planned for another IVF (as recommended by the doc) in March , but somehow I was not mentally prepared to do it. I put the date at August , and had the dictum from my research guide not come in, the cycle would have gone through. I was mentally and emotionally ready. In September, I let go of a chance to do IVF in the city where I currently live. The place where I reside has reasonable medical facilities but is sub-optimal for IF treatments...

...no September baby(s) for me. That still leaves October, November and December 2010! AF expected on Tuesday...let's get this party on board now! P.S. I had a funny moment with trying to POAS today. I have to remember not being too sleepy-brained next time. ^WiseGuy^

I opened my refrigerator to find my stock of the pee-sticks at zero. On 26th, I will buy myself the customary devils, coz I have resolved to test every cycle , no matter how vague my chances are. ************************************ This past week has witnessed me packing like crazy. Neighbours from the previous building popped up at random, enquiring my need to move during those two days of packing/shifting. One of the ladies was asking me about what other homes we had seen through for possible renting. I told her how we were stuck on finding a flat to live in rather than an independent house/bungalow for safety reasons (as DH tends to stay away from the city at sporadic intervals). She nodded in complete agreement at the DH-away angle. “And you don’t even have children, or that would have kept you occupied a bit.” She also wanted to know why we decided to move into a three bedroom apartment. Because I may reproduce. “Oh no other flat was empty, and this location is quite nice.” ( whi...

Oh God, I am so ready to be pregnant. ^WiseGuy^

It struck me when I was brushing my teeth today morning ( Yes, I CAN think when I brush ) that the flat I am moving into is in the same building as the first doctor I hunted (Dr. MA) here in G. I wonder how awkward or not awkward my first brush with her is going to be. ^WiseGuy^

Well, action night was only CD15 and CD17....I have had guests at home since then, and DH left again this morning. I have not been feeling good. I have been having blasphemous thoughts this past week. I have been thinking and pondering deeply over whether I want kids only because it is expected from me, or because I think it should 'have happened already', and such, and I am not decided. Sometimes, I am not sure what I want...this too will pass. But I really hope for the skies to crack open and get me out of myself sometimes . This weekend we will be shifting to another apartment, and I hope that I can get my Home PC up and running by Monday... but I am not too sure of that as well. I have been away from bloggyland most of this week, and it seems to be the scenario in the coming days as well. ^WiseGuy^

DH is returning home tonight, his visit cut short by two days. I am thinking this is good... CD15 for a 33-day cycler is not a bad time to have a little action...and since CM has not spiked yet, I think he is coming in good time. There may be a really faint flicker of hope for December yet. But Dear January, nothing will stand between me and my Clomid. ^WiseGuy^

Scene 1: Thursday Night Hello? Yes, what is your weight? What? Why? Oh, I was at ABC’s. I was writing down your history. What is your weight? Duh…PQ kgs. Ok! Bye! --Click-- Scene 2: Friday Morning …some topic… …some topic… You were sounding too rude last evening. And hey, BTW, when did you check your weight? I don’t really remember exactly when actually. Then how come you know it is PQ kgs? I don’t. I was approximating. The first scene starred yours truly and Mummy. The second scene starred yours truly and Prince Charming. I feel bad for my mother sometimes. She is cracking her head completely fretting over her daughter’s trouble. But I also not want to feel like being discussed with everybody in her allied community. I know the colleague she had been meeting up was also into IF busting arena, but still. I did not want to sound rude, but the realization hit me spontaneously, and my irritation crept in automatically. It feels like an awesome Cardiologist is aware of his child’s heart co...

Why do women start acting up when they are pregnant? Why do they believe that men cannot understand what they are going through, and that husbands are slaves? DH came fuming over a colleague's tale. I won't narrate the whole details of the incident, coz that would confuse you, but the story goes like this... hubby's subordinate's wife is expecting. That couple has been at loggerheads for about four-five days. The wifey and her hubby are playing one-up by shooting each other's suggestions down. This subord had seeked to share my domestic help for a while to relieve his pregnant wife a bit. He finalized the help, but when the hired help visited the home, the wife turned him down, just to spite her husband. What has happened is that, the couple had been driving down a road, and the hubby missed a pit, and the woman felt a very strong jerk. She is pissed off at her DH for being so careless. And the husband is pleading innocence, saying that he never meant to do so, that...

...in dreams... ...in judging the pram choice another couple made at a store... ...browsing through lines of baby clothes... ...thinking of the pink bunny and when it will be given... ...having gut feelings... ...thinking of 2010... ...hearing anecdotes from colleagues, friends and family, taking mental notes... ...asking SIL about why she prefers a certain brand of diapers to the other brands... ^WiseGuy^