My Lady of the Lantern

Non-Darn: Met Dr. BS yesterday for a regular appointment. Everything appears normal. Kaiser was in a head-down position. My BP was singing tra-la-la at 120/80 which is pretty good. I was 32w5d by LMP, and Kaiser was 34w3d by the average U/s Gestational Age( I-am-in-love-with-the-doc's-ultrasound-machine ). Kaiser weighed 2032 gms (2 kgs), and that is a good thing too. I got egged for not doing very good on the have-small-meals-frequently thing. We saw a loose cord around the neck y'day in the ultrasound, and I was told that it is not a big deal because it can wind and unwind/slip-off. I told Dr. BS about the fact that I would be going to City X for my delivery. I was feeling a bit guilty in telling her this, but thank God, she took it very nicely. She has offered me all help in case I need any medical aid before I reach City X. I promised her that once I come back, I will bring Kaiser to meet her. Darn: So I had in mind two boy names and one girl name for quite a fixated while...

Yes, AF arrived. Right on the date I had adjudged it would. I had stopped on my ASA from December 29, 2009 just hoping to have more controlled bleeding this time. I will write about how that goes. This cycle plan states Clomid (Siphene 100 mg) from CD2-CD6 which is January 3 - January 7, 2010. Also I will start Duphaston (Progesterone, 10 mg) from CD14 for 14 days. Hopefully, I will make eggs. Hopefully the follicles will rupture. Hopefully, I will conceive this time around. Jumping hoops of hope right now. ^WiseGuy^

I can’t believe that I am at the brink of saying goodbye to this year. I think it has passed at incredible speed. 2008 did not end well for me. As I end 2009, I am not at a better status baby-wise, but I am emotionally at a firmer ground. In 2008 end I was still reeling under the aftermath of the IVFw/ICSI cycle, and I believe that for quite a large part of 2009, I struggled with it – trying to understand, ignore, find closure, turn angry or just submit to it. I can hardly remember crystal like what transpired in January, it is all hazy to me. I had planned for another IVF (as recommended by the doc) in March , but somehow I was not mentally prepared to do it. I put the date at August , and had the dictum from my research guide not come in, the cycle would have gone through. I was mentally and emotionally ready. In September, I let go of a chance to do IVF in the city where I currently live. The place where I reside has reasonable medical facilities but is sub-optimal for IF treatments...

* I am relieved to not be packing AF protection gear in my bags this time. One less thing to worry about indeed. * Thanks to reading it here and there, I have become very sensitive to my own EWCM pattern, and even though I do not have any ovulation pain, the gush of EWCM tells me what my body is upto. Atleast for the last cycle, I was aware. And this cycle too, I could distinctly make it out. The report card for this month is yet to be published though. * Metformin? I started waddling in the medicine slush beginning August 2009. Immediate to me starting Metformin, I spoke of how my loo trips had increased . Well, even though that part is subsided, there is one persistent thing that still is staying with me, and that is the bowel department has got a little screwed up – not good or bad screwed up, but adequately anomalous to the routine. I am not writing any more on this as it is very embarrassing, but it was important for me to document this as a side effect. * Another thing is that...

# Thursday, October 15, 2009 I woke up to a live dream. I baked a cake for my daughter's first birthday and was discussing whether to ice the cake or not with my husband. I was not in favour of the icing, because I thought the cake looked beautiful even minus that, and my hubby thought that it would look even better with the icing. But I remember the little girl distinctly. She had a full head of black hair, she was tiny and delicate looking and had a light wheatish complexion. She was so light to carry. In fact, she was smaller than the size of an average one year old. And she had a name: A- . I actually woke up happy. ^WiseGuy^ P.S.: 1. I do not bake cakes, for the lack of knowing how to bake them. 2. I have never had named children in my dreams, and the name A- is not in my consideration list at all.

I recently read this at a blogger’s vent: X days away from the negative beta. I was quite struck with the expression, and it did make me grin. How sure are we? Anyhoo, today is CD5. Yesterday was my first day of Siphene 100 mg. [ Siphene is what is known to you as Clomid .] Good Girls start that on CD2 right? I got told on CD3, and I got the medicine on CD4, which explains why I was off at such a snail-rocket start. I have also had a medicine flush…and I am going to list out everything I get to savour, once I really am able to get the entire prescription filled. One thing that I have started since Tuesday is Syrup Gynova , which is a herbal formulation that improves among other things, the oocyte quality. And DH is getting a lot of love from Tab Spermon (The outer flap reads: The Spermatogenetic and Natural Anti-oxidant for Male Functional Infertility.) I am not sure if Spermon and Gynova are going to be of any help, but because they are purely herbal, there won’t be any unwanted s...

On the heels of my inordinately lengthy post on traversing the doctor jungle , comes this inordinately lengthy post that puts into words, dreams that I have had, and which I have found as directly connected to my fertility. I did not begin by thinking that dreams are messengers, nor did I ever go for scientific long-drawn analysis of what I saw while asleep. Readers of the blog, who have been reading it for at least a while, would know that I tend to remember what I see in my dream, or atleast the important dreams stick around in my woken-up state as well. As was the nature of Good Doctor Hunting , this post is also an effort to tie down all the different dreams that I have had, and the ones that I still have in my memory. And do read the post in your leisure time, not in a hurry. Maybe some of you would be able to explain me some symbolisms or meanings rooted in your cultural background. *** My dreams border on the bizarre side. Skip the post in case you are too sensitive, can’t hand...

Here’s the picture…you tell me…. What might dis be ? . . . . . . . . Oh, come on…you just need to see it more carefully…come a bit closer to the screen.. . . . . . No, not this close! Relax! Here’s another one. Tell me, what might dis be ? . . . . . . Stop making faces….you should have guessed it already…disco lights, flower power curtains? . . . . I am really asking you to tell me, what might dis be ? . . . . . . You got it? Did you really? Wow! Coz, if you still did not, alas, I will again ask, what might dis be ? . . . . . . . Those were gifted to me in October 2008. The package reached me during the IVF cycle….it was sent to G with DH, unopened, while I stayed back in City I . I opened the box, along with my birthday gifts somewhere in March 2009. That’s right; had I not been blogging or documenting anything….December to March 2009 would have been one big black hole. The first time I tried them on was March 22, 2009 and the pictures are from then. All my birthday gifts too had sta...

Did it again.... Iron Commenter for May 09 ...yes that's me! I think I am loving it...totally! Here's the deal on the whole lot of commenting I did.... ICLW Day 1 Trophydom: 1 - 31 [-8, my blog] ICLW Day 2 Trophydom: 1 - 49 [-8, my blog] ICLW Day 3 Trophydom: 1 - 62 [-8, my blog] ICLW Day 4 Trophydom: 1 - 84 [-8, my blog] ICLW Day 5 Trophydom: 1 - 114 [-8, my blog] ICLW Day 6 Trophydom: 1 - 130 [-8, my blog] The last day I got stuck on #116 , and Danielle helped me in overcoming that. Thank You Dove! I finished the entire list two days before the ICLW week got over! Unlike last time, I did a chronological sweep this time! Loved it! ^WiseGuy^ Image Courtesy: http://www.thedctraveler.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/cherry-and-blossoms.jpg

I did it...Last evening I sent a mail to Mel after having commented on the entire April ICLW list . I woke up today morning with a mail and a code to show off on my blog....I had done it. I finally, in the fourth attempt of ICLWing, added this bling to my kitty! Twitter was my best friend in this journey...It was easy for me to keep tabs on my progress because I tweeted frequently about my progress. I did a reverse sweep and this is what it became (at this point of time, the ICLW is not over yet). ICLW Wicket Count: 114-133 (Tally for the Day) ICLW Wicket Count: 71-133 (Tally for the Second Day) (+ 45, - 93) ICLW Wicket Count: 45-133 (Tally for the Third Day) (- 93) ICLW Wicket Count: 23-133 (Tally for the Fourth Day)(- 93) ICLW Wicket Count: 6-133 (Tally for the Fifth Day) (- 18) ICLW Wicket Count: 1-142 (Tally for the Sixth Day) (- 18) Highlights... #### In the end there was just one blog I could not comment, because it required a WordPress login which I do not have. ##...

Screenshot of this as on April 26, 2009. She has been spared. Thankfully. Click on the image for a larger picture. ^WiseGuy^

This is a lengthy post, and I did much rather have you read it at leisure than to have you hastily skim through. It is not brimming with opinion, just historical perspective. I just want to document the whole list of doctors; I have gone to with fertility related troubles. It is more of my desire to remember the misses, before I found my current one. I am most likely to be shaky in the details and might jumble up a bit as well. But I will keep on editing or modifying this if, as and when needed. 2003 The one doctor, who has been my stable rock, is my mother ( Dr. V ) who is into Obstetrics and Gynaecology. With her reference, I went to meet Dr. AB in 2003 regarding some advice about which contraceptive to use. 2004 For almost the entire 2004, I was quiet on the IF front because I was using BCPs and had zero inkling of what lay ahead. October-November 2004, was my first go at having a baby. I would still rate my efforts at having a baby as passive. I took advice from V as to how...

For one, CPT is not hearing from me ....thanks for all the helpful comments. I have had mails to increase my manhood, buy Rolex replicas and purchase Viagra online minus any prescriptions. But I was not spam-prepared for a mail that invited me to write. Second, I am going to travel in May. In another of my previous posts , I had spoken of my travel what-if. I have decided that I am making the travel plans full-steam. If the trip gets scuttled, the reason will not be my what-if. Third, my doctor had asked me to not go for another round of IVFw/ICSI till March 2009. And that is what I had really planned then. But right now, I do not feel mentally up for such a cycle. I am thinking of not using any medical intervention till August 2009. That's all, folks! ^WiseGuy^

Went through the latest Barren Advice column on SQ recently. The lady’s issue was the jealousy she experienced when she heard of a fellow infertile finally striking lucky. Mel’s advice was great, and I am not about to counter it….but I absorbed the question and inspected it from my own angle. Recently, two fellow IF bloggers revealed their positive HPTs. My first spontaneous reaction was jubilation . I was really happy for them, and I do frown on every worry that they reveal. So have I become the high-morals, priestess of good virtues in the IF land? No way! One of my later responses to their posts on their new status, is the constant urge to have the opportunity of posting the same kind of subject as they do. Is that a mark of jealousy? I would have to again deny that. But it kinds of raises the aspiration level I have from myself. I have had moments I am not too proud of. At a point of time in 2007, in-laws were visiting us. They had first visited my BIL (in a different city), and ...

Dear God, I wanted my Valentine's Day on Valentine's itself. But you have already delayed my rosy blooming. Meanwhile, I have waited and waited. Had I got lucky with AF on 14th, I would have been in the fag end by now. Alas, that was not to be, given your great desire to test my patience and keep my faith rock-solid. As usual, I am creeping up on your holy blessings wall of fame, one more time. You see, I expect a very busy workday tomorrow and some amount of local travelling. Can you please deliver the goods a little later than tomorrow? I know I am demanding too much from you. I have already demanded babies, but they do not seem to be coming by my way....atleast let my proof of infertility be controlled? Thank You God! Everybody keeps telling me that I must not lose faith in you, ever and that you are just testing my faith. Unfortunately, why am I the subject of constant examination is something I fail to understand. W who had a baby in the last week of January 2009, is tempo...

Hello World, Unless there are some real pearls that come cracking out of my cotton brain tomorrow, I will be missing from the blogosphere for about a week. If not tomorrow, my next blogosphere trip will be on next Thursday - February 12, 2009. I may even talk about what I did, once I return. The chances that I will be tweeting are very high,and I hope to update atleast once every day! Be happy everyone and take care! ^WiseGuy^

Hope you all have a wonderful 2009! All the very best! ^WiseGuy^

My egg retrieval is tomorrow. I am nervous already. I am away from City G (and hence my workplace) for a while, till my protocol finishes. I want to take it easy even after I return back. I had a major official responsibility (an event scheduled for March-end 2009)on my shoulders. Today, I spoke to my Director and have hereby surrendered the lead organizing position. This is bittersweet for me. On one hand, I gave up a to-die-for credit on my resume and on the other hand, I will have a slightly easier life in office for the next few months. ^WiseGuy^