My Lady of the Lantern

We stopped at a grocery store on our way back from a wedding reception. We were pretty busy at the store. DH was picking stuff from his mental to-buy list. Figlia was busy picking things from our never-buy/dont-need list, and was trying out stuff with lids too. I was busy covering her tracks and cleaning the cart simultaneously. I veered towards the pastry counter, but something else stopped me in between.  I haven't seen myself in a full-length mirror the way I saw myself that evening. I was stunned to see my reflection. I have gained weight. Like, a lot. I don't need a scale, I have accommodated a whole baseball bat in my pelvis horizontally . I do have a full length mirror at home, but I have hardly needed it in a while now. I don't even comb my hair in front of a mirror. Sheesh.  I have always felt that I do not assess myself the way others assess me, and that holds true weight-wise too. But oh boy, would I like to go back to the weight when I...

I was cleaning a folder on my laptop  yesterday, when I decided to retain a couple of pictures in it. One is of L. The other one is of Figlia from the night she was released to us from the NICU, when I still had a head rush only from the fact that I had a kid and the kid was in my arms. She appears quiet, new-born kind, nestled in the nook of my left hand. Her lips look really red, and her eyes are closed.  L and Figzy look very different to me, but they definitely look sisters.  And there is something beautiful in that picture of Figzy where only she and my arm, and the print on my gown are showing. I never saw L's eyes open. She never came into my arms, and it seems that Figlia with her closed eyes and quiet rest in my arms is such an anti-thesis to the lonely pictures of my other child.  The truth is that never before yesterday had I registered the fact that I was attracted to this pic of Figlia and maybe the fact that her eyes were close...

Early days of November, we got to spend time with DH's side of the family. It was my first time with the new baby in the household, my four month old niece.( And things have wrapped up nicely, reproduction-wise for my SIL ). Several streams of emotions flowed concurrently on being with and around the baby.  - Amazement : Figlia bonded with her little cousin immediately. She showed no jealousy whatsoever at me or hubby fussing over the baby or carrying the infant around. She was generous with squishy kisses and "shake-hand' routines. - Relief: I was so happy to do everything for the baby - bottle feed her, sing to her, take her to the park, clean/change diapers and everything, and especially during the night, I felt relieved at the fact that it wasn't me who was set up for two wake-ups during the night. - Nostalgia: I gave away many of the first-year clothes to SIL. Seeing them on this new baby made me nostalgic. The clothes are the same, and it is amazin...

Some words are not birds, tapping eager feet on window sills; they can sit still and let winter hover yonder. Some words don't fall out; they linger, like curls of vapour from a steaming cup of tea. They rise to vanish, their existence ephemeral -  noticed only till the edge of the eager lip.