My Lady of the Lantern

I kept on wondering if I should post it or not...but then I decided that since this space is meant to document , well, I should write it down and all. I am pretty close to ending this cycle. I am normally a 33-day cycle girl, and for the past few cycles, my AF has arrived around CD31. I still don't feel like it is on its way. So this one cycle could be correcting back the pre-pone gene in all the three cycles that have whizzed past. On the other hand, my nipples are sensitive to touch and I had mild cramping a few days back. Atleast one part of this cycle is like the January one....but the difference is that I had taken Clomid then and was on progesterone in the latter half of the cycle. This cycle, I have neither been on Clomid nor have I taken any progesterone pills. Please hope for me, but don't leave me words that you believe I am pregnant or so. I can have all the symptoms and not one thing that comes out of it. There is now just one unopened strip of HPT remaining in my r...

Ah...caught you there... What? Oh, so you would have come here anyways? See, I am here hoping to replace the Small with Big soon enough. But as of today, it just happens to be ... CD1. ^WiseGuy^

Agendy Fugnimima arrived yesterday around 2230 hours. It was pegged for April 7. There were no warning aches, and we had just returned home from a dinner outside (preceded by a three hour work shift thing). I am so thankful for that, God. My chance of a 2010 baby = blown to smithereens. Hello April. ^WiseGuy^

#* AF arrived two days early on March 5 (Friday). It was in the afternoon. I was at work and managed to get into a full-blown showdown with a colleague. #* That would peg today as CD6. That's just trivia. #* As has been the case in the past two cycles, I stop consuming aspirin a couple of days prior to the AF. That has helped me in the sense that the bleeding is not as strong as it was tending to become. #* Sometime in January, I tottered off-Gynova. DH tottered off-Spermon. Hurray! * not * #* The words I am really googling right now are: PGD, antioxidants, pranayam and sperm quality. #* I tend to have random bouts of crying. I will attribute that more to the (work-related) stress I had been under lately than anything else. The quest continues. Edited to Add : As severe as the last bullet may sound, I am NOT crying in front of every other stranger or so. Nor do I have whistling spells in front of friends/family/colleagues. It happened twice over the past four days, all brought...

No, I do not remember what CD it is today. I won't be spontaneously doing the arithmetic anytime soon (hopefully). That device has suspended operation till the next come-awake snooze call. And it feels kind of liberating, you know.... ^WiseGuy^

...One last playdate tonight at CD22 for me... The thought that keeps bubbling throughout the day is that no amount of laughing, standing, climbing up or down the stairs or sudden movements will take away the outcome. Come on, what is mine WILL have to come to me, no matter what happens, right? ^WiseGuy^

Yeps, for something swimming in me for like three days now, this is too long to be able to find the time to actually type it down. First of all, I missed you bloggy-people. I was around, but not on the blogosphere. ******************************************* I have guests at home, and/but my cycle is still very much on track. Me and DH have been keeping our 'playdates', and I started my Duphaston (Progesterone) on Friday night (CD14). CM-Watch is still on, but not much hoopla is happening, and that could be because Clomid is supposed to reduce the CM, or that I may ovulate later than the usual this cycle. ******************************************* Remember, I told you about Xo ? I just came to know that her ICSI is in Feb 2010. I am mentally sending her tons of positive vibes (she does not know that I know her problem). ******************************************* Please God, An October Baby would be fantastic! ^WiseGuy^

Yes, AF arrived. Right on the date I had adjudged it would. I had stopped on my ASA from December 29, 2009 just hoping to have more controlled bleeding this time. I will write about how that goes. This cycle plan states Clomid (Siphene 100 mg) from CD2-CD6 which is January 3 - January 7, 2010. Also I will start Duphaston (Progesterone, 10 mg) from CD14 for 14 days. Hopefully, I will make eggs. Hopefully the follicles will rupture. Hopefully, I will conceive this time around. Jumping hoops of hope right now. ^WiseGuy^

Nopes, Agnedy Fugnimima is nowhere to be seen. She was expected y'day morning. When I woke up, I was not 'feeling' as if she was about to show up. This month my CM mutation happened around CD22/23, a little later than CD16/17, so I am assuming that I ovulated late and so Miss AF would rather be showing up around the 2nd of Jan? That is my guess. My guess is as good as mine, and as bad as mine. *smirk* Just be here, okay? ^WiseGuy^

Well, action night was only CD15 and CD17....I have had guests at home since then, and DH left again this morning. I have not been feeling good. I have been having blasphemous thoughts this past week. I have been thinking and pondering deeply over whether I want kids only because it is expected from me, or because I think it should 'have happened already', and such, and I am not decided. Sometimes, I am not sure what I want...this too will pass. But I really hope for the skies to crack open and get me out of myself sometimes . This weekend we will be shifting to another apartment, and I hope that I can get my Home PC up and running by Monday... but I am not too sure of that as well. I have been away from bloggyland most of this week, and it seems to be the scenario in the coming days as well. ^WiseGuy^

DH is returning home tonight, his visit cut short by two days. I am thinking this is good... CD15 for a 33-day cycler is not a bad time to have a little action...and since CM has not spiked yet, I think he is coming in good time. There may be a really faint flicker of hope for December yet. But Dear January, nothing will stand between me and my Clomid. ^WiseGuy^

My guest of honour who was expected to reach me on 29th preponed the visit by three days. Even though I tend to Woohoo Whistle Welcome an earlier than usual arrival, this one arrival has left me calculating and reviewing my cycle plan. DH is going to be out of town from December 6th - 12th. Counting by my cycle days, he shall be out from CD11 to CD17, which is significant chunk of my harvest time. Given my plan to commence Clomid for 5 days from CD2, I now wonder whether it is worth it to do Clomid at all. Or that I should start it by let's say, CD4? Or I should just add December to another non-medicated TTC cycle? Questions. Questions. Questions. Thanks God. ^WiseGuy^

AF arrived yesterday evening. Bloggers, Aaafra Faafra is visiting me. Tweetypies, Agnedy Fugnimima has come! Am glad that she did not act up on me this cycle. I would have wanted an alternate scenario, for it to not have arrived at all. But, not being pregnant and not having the periods is horrible. The other thing is that unlike the medicated cycle in September, I won’t be doing Clomid in October and November. I had to decide on this fast because AF was here, and the cycle day count had been reset. I think doing round after round of ovulation inducing medication had contributed to the cyst (now disappeared, thankfully) and I do not want to make the same mistake again. I want to be more precise in terms of when I want to use these medicines. If I had an iota of hope that I would be able to manage timed s#x these two months, I would have given Clomid a shot, but I know that it won’t be possible. We would be travelling, or spending time with his family, or attending the two major w...

Today is CD20. This past Monday to Wednesday, I finished Zocon AS-KIT in sync with hubby...and already started with the ASA...and since yesterday I have also started the Duphaston (to be continued for 12 days)...All of this is in addition to the Diamet (Metformin) I am swallowing. There is one really nice thing that has happened...and that is that I can see my toes the way they are....bloating has reduced...and I feel lighter. Actually it was the fitting of certain clothes that I had noticed first...then came the realization that overall I am peeing more frequently...And then I kind of observed my body parts...but the best thing is that the bloating is reduced! ^WiseGuy^

I recently read this at a blogger’s vent: X days away from the negative beta. I was quite struck with the expression, and it did make me grin. How sure are we? Anyhoo, today is CD5. Yesterday was my first day of Siphene 100 mg. [ Siphene is what is known to you as Clomid .] Good Girls start that on CD2 right? I got told on CD3, and I got the medicine on CD4, which explains why I was off at such a snail-rocket start. I have also had a medicine flush…and I am going to list out everything I get to savour, once I really am able to get the entire prescription filled. One thing that I have started since Tuesday is Syrup Gynova , which is a herbal formulation that improves among other things, the oocyte quality. And DH is getting a lot of love from Tab Spermon (The outer flap reads: The Spermatogenetic and Natural Anti-oxidant for Male Functional Infertility.) I am not sure if Spermon and Gynova are going to be of any help, but because they are purely herbal, there won’t be any unwanted s...

Affycat, Affycat, where have you been? Had you been to London to visit the Queen? Affycat, Affycat, what did you do there? Did you get Brown to speak to Blair? CD2 today. You may kiss my hand . ^WiseGuy^

CD68. Need I say more? Of course! My uterus is developing a personality and determination of its own. This is not the first anovulatory cycle that I have had, but I am submitting this cycle to the Herself Book of World Records . My last dose of Duphaston (Progesterone) and Pregnistar was done away with on the night of August 15th. Yet, my uterus refuses to budge. I am sitting ducky for 2 more days, and then quacking will begin. Loudly. Edited to add: All the P got sucked into my b@@bs, I suppose. My nipples are really sore. ^WiseGuy^

A little secret on the go? Am on CD60 today. I have four (out of ten) days of Duphaston in my system, and my boobs are loving it. Now I hope that AF will come only after I am through with the weekend trip. My last dose will be on Sunday, and maybe within 48 hours of that, my AF will arrive. Any prior arrival will get labelled very uncomfortable. And even though I pray that AF be gentle on me, I am distinctly aware of the need to shed all the built-up weed. Hmmm... ^WiseGuy^

I thought I saw a light yellowish discharge today...I stared hard enough and I actually believed that there was a light red shade there too! But oh, nopes...it won't qualify as spotting, and it is certainly a zero shade of red. No cramps either. Can't believe this. It is totally bizzare. How can I, a 33 day-er be sitting seemingly this far away, when everyday, I have been taking one staple step towards the red ribbon? Counting on from June 11...I am CD50! Do you think beta may magically reappear? Any comments that label me stupid, are most welcome. ^WiseGuy^

Infertility is a journey where one cannot claim the universality of ‘As you sow, so shall you reap’ . This is the first cycle since January when I am proactively in the race. Prior to this, I was only worked about the impending arrival of AF, and how many days late or early it is/ was/ could be. We had sex. We did not have sex. And I cared two hoots about when that happened in the previous cycles. And even though I did not harp on CD this and CD that for the current cycle, everything was virtually chalked out. [That's my beautiful chart...Click for a larger view of my intimate life.] So, as of now I am in the 2ww (what a joke!). We have timed our lovemaking to specifically coincide with my fertile period. Let’s see how the natural IUI works out *smiling * . I plan to do this again for at least one more cycle and then just go for an ovulation study (yippee dildo cams). Since I have had one of the ovaries exhibit a single cyst before, and I have not had an ultrasound in months ( ...