My Lady of the Lantern

Trust me, the best part of this post is just the title. A big thanks to everybody who has offered to help or bear through what I talk about here (check yesterday's post). I am still cooking an idea in my mind. I posted about wanting to know more about Retroversion. It is not that I have never searched for it before....but yesterday's was one of the most organized searches I have every done. I am looking at Retroversion and UTI. I am not connecting them as of now, but I would like to start posting on Retroversion a bit more. I am not a medical doctor, so nothing phenomenal can be expected from me. It is just that I catch a line here and a line there and that is how, I am learning about it. So, maybe doing regular posts on my finds will add to a more specific one-place on this topic. Let me get it started in a couple of days, and if I am still steamed about it as much as I am currently, I may continue the series.... ^WiseGuy^

Hi, I am WiseGuy. You already know that? Okay, I have been trying 4+ years. I am not a case of RPL or Secondary Infertility. I have primary subfertility. Husband has great swimmers and I ovulate, but the grand union never happens. One of my ovaries (right) is more responsive than the other, but right one also had cysts in it. Now, the only clues I am using to guess the reason of my infertility are vague and inconsequential. I have a retroverted uterus. But one thing I am now recollecting is that as a child, I used to have frequent UTI (I bedwetted). Armed with this little information, I am researching as to why those thin red lines have been eluding me. Retroversion is not supposed to have any impact on fertility. I had UTI as a child and I got over it after, I stopped bedwetting. All the scooting around is not giving me any conclusive evidence. But I found some restricted research papers that connected retroversion and infertility. The abstracts of those research papers indicate that ...

DH is planning a trip for the two of us in beginning of May. I should be excited, no? This is our first trip together where we do not have any other company. Also this would be our first trip outside the hubby's dictionary of a good vacation - visiting his family, where his mom has a grumpy cookathon, and DH has a gleed eatathon. My problem? I could be pregnant by then. What if I am pregnant? Would I travel then? The tickets are so expensive. Will he let me cancel them? If I do cancel, I am sure to leave him in a sour mood. What? It is a repeat for me. How many times do I have to go through this? ^WiseGuy^

I am over it. I don't know why, but I am just not getting my groove back. It does not mean that I am not TTC anymore. It only means that I am not letting arithmetic get the better of me. ^WiseGuy^

Sharonvw gave me an award. And here’s what it is called – What is expected is that I need to - 1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. 3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself. Thank You so much, Sharon! Blogs I pick – Cassandra@ Baby Smiling in Back Seat Lindsay@ The Steadfast Warrior Brenda@ Hope Springs Infertile Polly@ In 2 Me See Another Dreamer@ An Unwanted Path Clio@ Dancing with Gaia Elana@ Elana’s Musings One-hit_Wonder@ (Mis)conceptions: An Infertility Blog 10 Honest things about myself – 1. As a teenager, I had braces on my teeth. 2. The orange comb that I use right now has been with me since I was 14 or 15. 3. Talking of footwear, I will always pick up comfort over style. High heels never make it to my list. 4. I am self-centred. I can’t handle...

For this Show and Tell, I am posting a photo of a gorgeous answer that I recently received to a test question. The paper being referred to is Consumer Behaviour and I had asked about the research process in Consumer Behaviour. One of the undergraduates turned in a super answer after pretending to really write his entire heart out for an hour. I present to you just one page of the torture – If you had trouble, reading it there….let me write it down here again and you will appreciate my tolerance. Consumer Behaviour very good performed in the business line because he had a lot of money but he never spent any of it there are very importance in the business in the marketing they are company in the good performance in the products in the consumer behaviour they have the only for any business line of the good products in the brands of the very importance of the human beings there are the good performance in the marketing in the consumer behaviour they have spent any more in the good function...

I had a backache yesterday evening.... I should have known. I have been 'late' before.... I should have known. I did not want to refer to the periods, talking to my mother, but I did.... I should have known. I had sex just once, this entire cycle.... I should have known. I jinxed myself just thinking of a 'maybe' miracle.... I should have known. I used up a HPT today morning, and had blood coming out of me, before the 5 minutes on check-test-results were over.... I should have known. My cool composure is fragile.... I should have known. ^WiseGuy^

Went through the latest Barren Advice column on SQ recently. The lady’s issue was the jealousy she experienced when she heard of a fellow infertile finally striking lucky. Mel’s advice was great, and I am not about to counter it….but I absorbed the question and inspected it from my own angle. Recently, two fellow IF bloggers revealed their positive HPTs. My first spontaneous reaction was jubilation . I was really happy for them, and I do frown on every worry that they reveal. So have I become the high-morals, priestess of good virtues in the IF land? No way! One of my later responses to their posts on their new status, is the constant urge to have the opportunity of posting the same kind of subject as they do. Is that a mark of jealousy? I would have to again deny that. But it kinds of raises the aspiration level I have from myself. I have had moments I am not too proud of. At a point of time in 2007, in-laws were visiting us. They had first visited my BIL (in a different city), and ...

Dear God, I wanted my Valentine's Day on Valentine's itself. But you have already delayed my rosy blooming. Meanwhile, I have waited and waited. Had I got lucky with AF on 14th, I would have been in the fag end by now. Alas, that was not to be, given your great desire to test my patience and keep my faith rock-solid. As usual, I am creeping up on your holy blessings wall of fame, one more time. You see, I expect a very busy workday tomorrow and some amount of local travelling. Can you please deliver the goods a little later than tomorrow? I know I am demanding too much from you. I have already demanded babies, but they do not seem to be coming by my way....atleast let my proof of infertility be controlled? Thank You God! Everybody keeps telling me that I must not lose faith in you, ever and that you are just testing my faith. Unfortunately, why am I the subject of constant examination is something I fail to understand. W who had a baby in the last week of January 2009, is tempo...

I am still waiting for AF to come. I hate to wait...for anything. The faster it comes, the faster it goes away! ^WiseGuy^

Well AF has not arrived yet, and that led to some kind frisky behaviour last night and....the streak of abstinence stands.....broken! ^WiseGuy^

I had been away for the better part of the past 10 days. For this week, I am posting some of my clicks while on my trip. All the pictures posted down below are from the same location. I did not expect such beauty to be unravelled in so mundane and unassuming a manner. But these sculptures are on the exterior wall of a much-visited location in that city. Absolutely accessible! I did not get any authentic information about when this compound was created, but the guess I am making this architecture is of at least the 18th Century (if not older). Go till the last picture, there is a question that you may want to answer. ; ) ----------------------------------------------------------- Dancing Elephants – Located on some walls, about one and a half feet above the ground level. Brahma – The creator of the universe and part of the holy trinity Shiva and his consort, Parvati. Shiva is also a part of the holy trinity Shiva again! I don’t know who or what they represent, but it’s poetic to see...

And the time has come! AF Baby, where are you? I know you are lurking there somewhere, eager to visit! Make no mistake, this cycle I have absolutely no apprehension or worry about whether I may or may not be pregnant or I may or may not get my periods. This entire month has been one of abstinence - willing, unwilling and unplanned. Travelling, work, guests, and my lack of appropriate desire has taken its toll. Anyways, since it is not a question of whether, but rather when, I can only wish myself: Fitting! ^WiseGuy^

I went to Yahoo Answers, and typed a simple question - Can sperms make one pregnant? The resultant was several questions that were close to what I had asked, and I chose the King of them all - Can a 3.5 inch peni make a woman pregnant? also how can I know if my sperms are healthy? (Be scared that the asker was titled 'The Hawk') I wanted to sing - "Old MacDonald had a farm Ee-ya-ee-ya-oooo And on the farm he had a peni Ee-ya-ee-ya-oooo And a spew spew here and a spew spew there here a spew , there a spew, everywhere a spew spew, Old...." But I have a case of bad throat, so I stuck to reading everybody else's emerald advice and replies. Sample the cutest! answer one: yes. Two: Keep trying and wait for weight increase, not your weight Oh but I was told that weight increase maketh the sperm weak in the knees and the uterus incapable of its divine duty? yes not the size eat more proyein food like me cos eat a lot of beef and spinches that is why my wife ie expecting G...

Day before yesterday, dear MIL had a sudden/or not so sudden bout of deep empathy for me. She told me that she understood my position (being infertile in a rapidly reproducing world). She herself has fought it. Yeah, is it so? She told me that she had my hubby after four years of marriage and it's a long time to have kids. But let me reveal the secret fertility history of hers. She was not experiencing primary infertility. She did conceive twice before the birth of my DH, and lost both the pregnancies in the second trimester. Both the times, the miscarriage did not happen on its own - she had done hectic travelling and if I understand correctly, she jumped off a running train once and lost the baby. And another time, she started having contractions in the night, but waited for the morning to arrive and then used a bus to travel to the hospital. She delivered the baby before she reached the doors of the hospital. I would attribute those losses to carelessness rather than God's ...

Hello World, Unless there are some real pearls that come cracking out of my cotton brain tomorrow, I will be missing from the blogosphere for about a week. If not tomorrow, my next blogosphere trip will be on next Thursday - February 12, 2009. I may even talk about what I did, once I return. The chances that I will be tweeting are very high,and I hope to update atleast once every day! Be happy everyone and take care! ^WiseGuy^

Hope Love Life Sanity The Steadfast Warrior and every moment in my day that makes me want to not quit! Cheers! ^WiseGuy^

For this week’s show and tell, I want to present to you a very recent entrant to my wardrobe – a Kashmiri pheran . The pheran I bought from a local fair here is in black and is perfect for winters. It blends well with multiple dresses but may not go well with western-wear barring jeans. It is long (reaches well below my knees) and looks awesome with several colours! And here is a closer peek at the embroidery on it. To go back to Mel’s, click here ! ^WiseGuy^

No, I am not tuning into too much Amy MacDonald. I was at the railway station yesterday, to see off my mother. I did not go alone. My father, hubby and a cousin were also there. As is usual with the trains here, the train was rightly late. So we were left waiting for the train to arrive for about 1 hour 15 minutes. Not long after we were there on the platform, that we had our first beggar for the evening. Even after a few rounds of saying No, he did not leave. After that we all fell into ignore mode to fend him off. Several minutes on the second beggar made an appearance. I looked at the beggar. The child looked like a boy with the very short, awfully dirty hair. The child wore filthy white shirt and pants and had one hand raised seeking alms (for food I suppose, because he was strung up on taking the cup of sweetened milk that my cousin had in his hands). The other hand was perhaps left free for scratching the head or whatever else. But the child had a nose-ring, and that’s when I und...