My Lady of the Lantern

Dear Kaiser, You seem to be doing so good. I am somewhere between 11 and weeks pregnant with you. We saw you on July 26, and you were measuring 3 days ahead! I think it was watching you flail and flap your arms that really got to me. Tears slid off my cheeks. I like the nurse in the hospital. She noticed my tears. It makes so much difference, Kaiser. People can be so kind in their silent understanding too. Last week, your Papa wished you 'Good Night' one night, and kissed my belly too another night. I have to tell you, I just could not control my laughter on the latter because it feel so weird. I call you Kaiser, but between me and Papa, we call you Baku. It was a name we picked from a movie we saw - 10,000 B.C. Nothing too impressive about the movie per se, but there were two kids in the movie, Baku and Tudu, and we simultaneously swooped up Baku. I was acting you out Monday night. Just like the way I saw you on the ultrasound screen. My food tastes have changed monumentally. ...

What happens when a colleague darts a 'Are you pregnant?' even before she manages to mouth a cursory greeting to you first thing in the morning? Well, when it happened to me today, I fumbled. I mumbled a 'No' and then changed my sentence to 'Yes, I am pregnant'. I had decided I would never lie about it. I had thought of revealing it myself, but I guess having too many married women in their reproductive age around you as colleagues comes with knowledge-strings attached. I know for one that I would have guessed it too. I know for two, that I would not have asked myself. The lady who asked me is not particularly close to me. The grapevine was fired up today in the office. I am planning to go meet my Director tomorrow and let him know. I am not sure if he has heard it already. Well, and my 'reveal' plans got butted out like some of the best-laid plans do. How do I feel about it? Well in one day, I had several pseudo- and genuine consideration filled encount...

Before anything, I really want to appreciate the lovely and wisdom filled comments you left me on my previous post. They brought me insight and I feel better about having spelt it out. --- Last evening was my fortnightly appointment with Dr. BS. Chronologically, I was 11wk1d yesterday. Kaiser measured 11wk4d!!! I am really exasperated with keeping all the numbers intact really....everything still seems to be very fluid. But I loved my little champ for this. Kaiser was flapping his hands and legs. I was amazed to see the growth spurt...from the tiny being that I saw last, Kaiser now resembled more like an actual baby. And I told myself that this was my uterus that was being visualized. I was watching...my baby! I have planned to keep my calculations as per the chronological details only. My prescription got modified a bit and the drugs I am taking will change from 6th August. One thing, the baby aspirin will continue till my eighth month. My BP measured 140/84...slightly higher than usu...

So this post captures a recent interaction/ the series of things connected to Birdman, me and my pregnancy. Before anything, I hope you don't have any husband - bashing genes out, and I totally hope you haven't had a World War scale skirmish with your beloved. The Feather Scene 1: Birdman: How do you feel? ( reference: pregnancy ) Me: Excited. How about you? Birdman: A little scared. I assumed he was scared because we still had a long way to go and all, so thinking that I asked for a little clarity. Birdman: Because you won't care much about me after the baby is born. And it struck me. I have been ruminating on that statement. * This was the first time that Birdman asked me on how I felt. He also planted a kiss on my belly. The first for that too. * We have been 'just us' for too long. Me and him, him and me. There was nobody to share the middle space ever between us. We are probably used to being 'just us' . The baby would change so many things. * Because n...

Every now and then, I love to shower you with all the icky and non-icky symptoms I am experiencing. Now is the time for another ahoy-edition of the same: - Skin: Oily, Very Oily ( spoken like you were James Bond ). - Hair: Here I fall, There I fall, Everywhere I fall-fall. - Clothes: Or the need for any modification to my wardrobe? Nopes...Guess I will be able to stick around with my stuff till atleast four months? Besides the little tummy, nothing else has changed in my dimensions. Blessings. - And My Lovely Intestines: You do not need TMI Alert here. It is expected that you would assume so. So dear doc gave me a laxative and told me it was safe in first trimester, and that I should not take it everyday...change my dosage, or skip a day. I skipped Monday, had issues on Tuesday, so took it on Tuesday, and now my bowels are on over-drive. I bow to your insolent might, my bowels. You are more whimsical than me. That much I admit. - Food: Can skip breakfast, can skip dinner. Don...

I don't really have an elaborate tale about why the ban on New Moon nights. It is explained thus: New Moon nights are especially potent for Tantric practices and Black Magic. I know that there is nobody on this planet sticking needles into a lemon or tiny doll in my name, but apparently lot of things are attempted on such nights. That is the source of the ban. MIL dear is just being super-extra-frills-added-cautious. Here's my strategy - Won't go out if it I can help it. Will go out and not tell my ILs about my trip. I want to be comfortable in my skin. I want to do things that appear okay to me. I don't want to just acquiesce because somebody else has some prejudices. So, I will follow the line till I can, and then, well you know me. --- On a different note, here is my 9w5d belly . (I am not quite adept yet at taking pics of my belly. I will improve.) You are not permitted to comment on the clutter in the background. :-) I would be 10 weeks tomorrow! 10 weeks!!! ^WiseG...

* To watch the ticker progress to another day is such a blissful sensation. Way better than the ticker that pegged my attempt at ttc #1. * I had to reveal in to another colleague. I was forced to do it so that I could get some legit reprieve. It was not my intention. I am just hoping for the first trimester to roll over so that I can officially go and inform my Director and let it out in open as such. Anyways, she calls me 'Mama', whenever we are apparently alone. She is lucky that I am not feeling violent at all. * My leak-safe colleague ? Remember her? Well, a colleague poked me twice on my stomach and my blood boiled over. Seeing my change in expression, the colleague stopped, but Ms. Leak Safe started smiling. I just could not take her smiling. 'What are you laughing at?' was my question to Ms. Leak-Safe. She should have known better, but alas! * My MIL has forbidden me to leave the house on New Moon days. Yep, you read the sentence correctly. Forbidden. Till now t...

Dear Baby Kaiser, The ticker tells me that I am 9wk0d today. I would be hopefully seeing Dr. BS tomorrow so that I can see you once again. I think the bump is starting to appear. You know your momma is not flat-tummied anyways, so she can't really make out if it is your presence or just her old bloated belly showing through right now. I tend to sleep lot lesser in the afternoon, but I make sure that I do lie down for about 10-15 minutes after I come back home from the office. Hope you appreciate that. :-) Your Dadi called me the past week to ask me how you were doing...and how well I was coping. Was so glad to tell her, "All is well". I started having almonds from July 7 (Wednesday). I had soaked four on Tuesday night. Your dad cleaned his hands on two. Yep! Anyways, next day onwards, I started soaking more because you know...bleh! With the way my food cravings have shifted gear, I am yet to decide what you really like. Or anything that I want to eat in particular now get...

Ha Ha Ha! You better go off all those things you are feeding yourself and your spouse, because it is all in your stupid mind. All those vain shots of hope? Gah! You just have to kick it out of your brain, and wham it will happen. After all the best attempts are made by people who have sex but do not want to get pregnant. History is replete with success rates there...and here we are thinking sex with progeny pasted on our faces. Climbing down the Preacher Pole... ^Deep Breath^ I was on a treatment break, not a TTC break. I was on a treatment break for several reasons: a) Having had my fill of medicated cycles. b) Having sub-optimal access to ART in my current abode. c) Energy sucked into a thesis (Nopes, Am not done with it yet/ Please Whip me to go faster, would you?) But I was noting my cycles, making an ovulation calendar, and intentionally having 'fun' on/around the dates. I was not relaxed. Whisper ads were rubbing on to me...In fact, I was too set to have my AF arrive in J...

In case you haven't noticed it yet, I suddenly have nothing to say. I find myself doing something that a lot of ALI bloggers seem to abhor - the tendency to only write pregnancy details post-BFP . I seriously don't have any more fountains shooting from my brain. I am still in awe of myself, and my body. I always wanted to, but did not really expect for plain sex to do the trick. My pregnancy is not a fruit of 'Just Relax', as I will like to point out in some other post. And when I read Barb's news , it hit me about how short-lived this can be. I am trying to be very positive. ( If you haven't been there already, please do so now....I hurt for her. ) My symptoms continue as usual. Fatigue disappeared for two short days early this week, but is back in full glory. And yes, I do sleep in my office . *he he he* (My cabin is at the absolute end of a long series of cabins and that grants me some privacy.) Off to get some housework done now...with all the precautions, I...