My Lady of the Lantern

Please Please Pretty Please do you remember the post where I told you my mother's plan to meet a bigshot doc in a big-ho city? And I pre-empted the responses I was planning to expect? Well the Grand Union happened today, and the doc pulled out Card #4 in a mutated form. He phoned me up, and told me that he had been through the papers, and he would like to please meet me personally ( I am so shocked not ) and preferably bring along with me the fellow who plans to father the brood ( that will be tough, doctor ). The doctor apparently discovered that nothing major seemed to be wrong and also said something like: "...I want to treat you, not the papers..." ( clapping and lewd noises... ) And it appeared that my mother had managed to tell him how stuckheaded I would be at the idea of me making the pilgrimage to his shrine. I just told him that I would consider it, of course and yes, as of now, I have had a very hard time reconciling with the results of my oh-that-cycle in 2008...

I opened my refrigerator to find my stock of the pee-sticks at zero. On 26th, I will buy myself the customary devils, coz I have resolved to test every cycle , no matter how vague my chances are. ************************************ This past week has witnessed me packing like crazy. Neighbours from the previous building popped up at random, enquiring my need to move during those two days of packing/shifting. One of the ladies was asking me about what other homes we had seen through for possible renting. I told her how we were stuck on finding a flat to live in rather than an independent house/bungalow for safety reasons (as DH tends to stay away from the city at sporadic intervals). She nodded in complete agreement at the DH-away angle. “And you don’t even have children, or that would have kept you occupied a bit.” She also wanted to know why we decided to move into a three bedroom apartment. Because I may reproduce. “Oh no other flat was empty, and this location is quite nice.” ( whi...

My guest of honour who was expected to reach me on 29th preponed the visit by three days. Even though I tend to Woohoo Whistle Welcome an earlier than usual arrival, this one arrival has left me calculating and reviewing my cycle plan. DH is going to be out of town from December 6th - 12th. Counting by my cycle days, he shall be out from CD11 to CD17, which is significant chunk of my harvest time. Given my plan to commence Clomid for 5 days from CD2, I now wonder whether it is worth it to do Clomid at all. Or that I should start it by let's say, CD4? Or I should just add December to another non-medicated TTC cycle? Questions. Questions. Questions. Thanks God. ^WiseGuy^

* I am relieved to not be packing AF protection gear in my bags this time. One less thing to worry about indeed. * Thanks to reading it here and there, I have become very sensitive to my own EWCM pattern, and even though I do not have any ovulation pain, the gush of EWCM tells me what my body is upto. Atleast for the last cycle, I was aware. And this cycle too, I could distinctly make it out. The report card for this month is yet to be published though. * Metformin? I started waddling in the medicine slush beginning August 2009. Immediate to me starting Metformin, I spoke of how my loo trips had increased . Well, even though that part is subsided, there is one persistent thing that still is staying with me, and that is the bowel department has got a little screwed up – not good or bad screwed up, but adequately anomalous to the routine. I am not writing any more on this as it is very embarrassing, but it was important for me to document this as a side effect. * Another thing is that...

Warning: This IS a TMI post. For those of you who have been tracking my blog, you must be aware that most of August, and a large part of July was spent on me obsessing about my AF. Well, at whatever date the AF was expected, I started with a practice which is usual for me, and that was to wear protection in case, AF comes all of a sudden. Well, waiting became way longer than expected, and even though I spared my vayjayjay any friction after coming home (from the office), I finally had an all-timer session the last 8-9 days of August. Why am I telling you all this? Coz I developed something like an allergy...deep red colouring, inflammation and pain...and it is not a very pleasant sensation. If I lose this cycle because of some infection, well I might as well have saved up the Clomid. Why do I have to have these W-T-royal-F situations? ^WiseGuy^

CD68. Need I say more? Of course! My uterus is developing a personality and determination of its own. This is not the first anovulatory cycle that I have had, but I am submitting this cycle to the Herself Book of World Records . My last dose of Duphaston (Progesterone) and Pregnistar was done away with on the night of August 15th. Yet, my uterus refuses to budge. I am sitting ducky for 2 more days, and then quacking will begin. Loudly. Edited to add: All the P got sucked into my b@@bs, I suppose. My nipples are really sore. ^WiseGuy^

I can't believe This could be the end The anatomy of grief is surprisingly foxy…the expression good grief , is a really funny one. Don't speak I know just what you're saying So please stop explaining Don't tell me cause it hurts Well, what can be told to somebody who has been standing in these trenches for so long? Nothing. I am expected to know. I was expected to know. But the wide-eyed gawky teenager in me refuses to sit down. Underneath these eyes, are the eyes of this teenager, and I expect the eyes of all my other personalities to be lurking around at the same place. If I had been making a fantasy movie…I would have shot myself standing barefoot at a cliff, overlooking a giant sea, with the moon over my head. The hands raised and facing the sky would have held a giant slithery sperm by its tail in one, and a ball-of-iron ovum in the other. Our memories Well, they can be inviting But some are altogether Mighty frightening Why is Aaafra Faafra playing with me? Be...

There is nothing poetic about waiting for AF to come by. Not when it is clockwork and refuses to miss appointments in any cycle. I am sitting on the watch a wee bit early - expected tonight or tomorrow, calculating by last month's day-count. ^WiseGuy^

This is a lengthy post, and I did much rather have you read it at leisure than to have you hastily skim through. It is not brimming with opinion, just historical perspective. I just want to document the whole list of doctors; I have gone to with fertility related troubles. It is more of my desire to remember the misses, before I found my current one. I am most likely to be shaky in the details and might jumble up a bit as well. But I will keep on editing or modifying this if, as and when needed. 2003 The one doctor, who has been my stable rock, is my mother ( Dr. V ) who is into Obstetrics and Gynaecology. With her reference, I went to meet Dr. AB in 2003 regarding some advice about which contraceptive to use. 2004 For almost the entire 2004, I was quiet on the IF front because I was using BCPs and had zero inkling of what lay ahead. October-November 2004, was my first go at having a baby. I would still rate my efforts at having a baby as passive. I took advice from V as to how...

I am over it. I don't know why, but I am just not getting my groove back. It does not mean that I am not TTC anymore. It only means that I am not letting arithmetic get the better of me. ^WiseGuy^

I had a backache yesterday evening.... I should have known. I have been 'late' before.... I should have known. I did not want to refer to the periods, talking to my mother, but I did.... I should have known. I had sex just once, this entire cycle.... I should have known. I jinxed myself just thinking of a 'maybe' miracle.... I should have known. I used up a HPT today morning, and had blood coming out of me, before the 5 minutes on check-test-results were over.... I should have known. My cool composure is fragile.... I should have known. ^WiseGuy^

That sounds like a good question, doesn’t it? Several things – One , I am not going for any ultrasounds till March 2009. Two , No pill-popping whatsoever (discounting the tapering in Wysolone dosage). Three , No needles, no syringes and no Lupride! Four , No counting cycle days, no worrying about ovulation. Just keep a tab of when AF is expected. Five , Read books and unwind by stressing over Phd synopsis. Six , Introspection. Seven , Connect better – with everybody including the guy in the deep skies or the seas or wherever the humans claim him to be! Eight . Keep a low profile in office! Nine , what do you think should be the ninth item in my list? ^WiseGuy^

So, I went to the doc yesterday (CD6) and had a Sonography. My uterus was ‘out of phase’, POD was clear and the right ovary was behaving like an over-excited school kid. As for the left ovary, it is not responding at all to the induction. Isn’t it ironic that the normal ovary refuses to budge? It is now that we realized (doc and me), that we were so obsessed with the right ovary and its chocolate cyst that we totally forgot its twin! The left ovary had appeared normal during the laparoscopy in January, but now it is clear that it is *just* a meatball. I have stopped the inductive drug and am continuing with just Lycostar and Duphaston (a 10 mg daily course for 10 days). This cycle is a complete spoil. Once I have my periods again, the doctor would like to check how many follicles are formed minus the induction. I am losing my faith. My hormonal levels are fine, and all other factors are okay, yet, I am on the path of desperation. I guess, for the sake of some utility, I must take m...

I had a D and C on July 27th and God help me, coz I can’t forget how icky I felt. My hatred for that hospital loo, the smell of the consultation room, the needle-prick and drop-your-clothes-here just intensified that day. I was absolutely broken when I was out of the Anaesthesia. I can never describe how much I despised being poked, scraped and pricked. My doctor had planned an IUI for me this cycle. And had the plan panned on Tuesday (CD14, Aug 5). The follicle in my right ovary refused to rupture. My Serum Prolactin levels show that even though it fell in the normal range, the Prolactin level is on a higher side. Anyways, I was on a cocktail of Ubiphene, Nacfil, Fertibex, Cabgolin and Eudrin for this cycle. I was given an HCG injection on 3rd August. Even with the induction, no follicles were formed in the left ovary, which is perfectly free of any cysts. The fruit was borne in the right ovary (how ironic) which has a chocolate cyst and in spite of the HCG, the follicles in th...

So, I am trying out a new doctor. Last cycle was obviously a fizzler. She has recommended a Serum Prolactin and E2 LH test which I have dutifully applied myself to. Let us see, if the tests are normal. Otherwise, the only aspects that are being faulted in my case are endometriosis and cyst in the right ovary. My IgG and IgM results had been dubious and I have already run through a 6 month medicine regime for the same. I had a Laparoscopy in Jan this year. My cyst was removed but it wasted no time in recurring. Let's see what the next cycles bring.

Yeps, I have returned back to normal WaitLand.....Duphaston, Susten and Folic Acid and like.... Let's see what this cycle brings through... I am dying to see if this IUI did bring in any results. What happened to ovum when it came free from the tubes... Wait and Watch....

Day 18 of the cycle! Guys, the next two days are really hot ones for me! Wish me luck!