My Lady of the Lantern

...One last playdate tonight at CD22 for me... The thought that keeps bubbling throughout the day is that no amount of laughing, standing, climbing up or down the stairs or sudden movements will take away the outcome. Come on, what is mine WILL have to come to me, no matter what happens, right? ^WiseGuy^

I wait. Aafra Faafra should have been here yesterday, but she is not even beating the front door yet! When it arrives, I would make faces, but would also know that it would be over eventually. Waiting for it, knowing she would arrive is an irritant. It stays on the top of the mind...classes, presentations, meetings, conversations, advice, suggestions, sleeping, eating, driving, bending, getting up...the loyal thought is everywhere . And dear God...please never ever make me barf in my 2ww. It is plain unfair. ^WiseGuy^

It started with my mother looking at me last night and commenting: ‘ Why do you look so yellow? ’…that verbal stir quite permanently disturbed my composure…. I was all set to give my holy fluid to a path lab today for confirming what the discussion was indicating – Jaundice …. Anyways, last night it was settled that she would observe me today morning, in the sunlight and make further judgement about whether I really looked like it. But the word Jaundice clung onto my psyche. Can you believe that one of the questions I asked her was whether I could have Jaundice and also be preggers at the same time? Then came sleep time…my favourite time. Well, hubby dear had already been on the bed for about 30 minutes when I trudged into the room…I took a bath and crashed onto my bed….with Jaundice Jaundice Jaundice running like a one word record in my brain. I went off to sleep. And I dreamt, I was pregnant and jaundiced . And I had a big belly and Jaundice …and my baby was fine, but I had Jaundi...

Infertility is a journey where one cannot claim the universality of ‘As you sow, so shall you reap’ . This is the first cycle since January when I am proactively in the race. Prior to this, I was only worked about the impending arrival of AF, and how many days late or early it is/ was/ could be. We had sex. We did not have sex. And I cared two hoots about when that happened in the previous cycles. And even though I did not harp on CD this and CD that for the current cycle, everything was virtually chalked out. [That's my beautiful chart...Click for a larger view of my intimate life.] So, as of now I am in the 2ww (what a joke!). We have timed our lovemaking to specifically coincide with my fertile period. Let’s see how the natural IUI works out *smiling * . I plan to do this again for at least one more cycle and then just go for an ovulation study (yippee dildo cams). Since I have had one of the ovaries exhibit a single cyst before, and I have not had an ultrasound in months ( ...