My Lady of the Lantern

Even though several thoughts are swimming in my mind, I am not sure how coherently I can thread them into a post. Mostly, the news is that I am back. And yes, combining tampons and sanitary napkins helped me manage my periods well, because I could stay away from the loo for extended time periods. My periods should have ended on Saturday, October 31 but minor spotting persisted yesterday, and when I saw a fresh red stain today as well, I decided that I had had enough. So, with today's Metformin, I combined an Etosys-MF and no ASA, and Etosys has done its work. No spotting, no irritation and all. Weddings are a potent time to get fresh bruises. Luckily, I came out unscathed. The first day though, I and my SIL were halted by a neighbour at her gate ( while we were walking towards the groom's house ), and her blessing to me was "Bhagwan tumhari god jaldi bhare." i.e. Hoping God will bless you with a baby in your lap soon. Unwarranted, but true. The actual wedding did not ...

On my recent weekend trip, I got to spend time with one of my SILs who I really adore. She and her husband have chosen to remain childless voluntarily, and I know for a fact that she is not an infertile. We met after a long long time...almost 10 years! And we got talking. And even though she did not outright discuss my troubles, we did end up talking about my IF. I do not allow too many people IRL to hold a conversation with me with regards to my efforts to have a baby. Humour and Wisecracks are my usual defence. Well, none of that happened with her. I did not even cry. She did not even ask me how long I had been in the rut. But she permeated the knowledge that I have been in the reins, and she knew it. But she told me that she appreciated how busy I kept myself. That was something I did not counter at all. Because, everybody should keep a part of their illusions about me. I do not keep busy to forget about Infertility, I actually keep busy because I like it that way. Also, every day, ...

(A Post where I play Doubting-Thomas, and hunt for nothing but ulterior motives) Past Monday, my FIL landed in a hospital when one of his legs refused to cooperate/move/wiggle an inch. He has been recovering from a paralytic attack, and had regained most of his ability to function normally. After he landed 'there', calls flew back and forth - MIL to DH, MIL to BIL...and so on... Also, suddenly they were a sentimental mish-mash, my FIL especially so, and my MIL did not have the liberty to be 'paralysed' by emotions. She had to be running around and making arrangements. My parents visited my in-laws in the hospital and next day my mom was speaking to me when she asked why I did not call on the very day that FIL landed in the hospital? My mother was present when my SIL had called, and my mother thought it was very inappropriate of me to not have called on Monday itself. (I did call on Tuesday.) I had to tell it to my mother. My SIL called up because my FIL gave her missed ...

Recently I was in a conversation with this small girl (7-8 years old) and the small talk included asking about who her friends in school were. She goes to a nice school - nice as in expensive and difficult to get into. Me: So who are your friends in school? Kiddo: A, B and C. Do you know what A, B and Cs parents do? Me: No. Kiddo: A's father has PPP hotel, and if I go to her house in the afternoon, I can eat food delivered from PPP. Isn't that great? Me: Yes! And what about others.... Kiddo: B's father has a mobile phone gallery...and you know, C's father is blah blah blah. Me: Oh wow! It must be nice. Kiddo: Yeah, B totally gives me models (sample pieces) of the latest handsets, you know! Me: Great! But what strikes me in the conversation is that this girl is aware of not just who her friends are, but also of the relative wealth of the friends.... Make no mistake, this girl is very sweet..but she seems to be having money seeping into her conversations more often than ...

Yeah! Thanks for the comments, ladies! And I am still hoping for more input on the previous post! There are a few things that rose from the comments left on the previous post. For one, I did not have to sing sad songs for people to guess our fertility plight. In the environs where I exist, it is quite acceptable to be having a baby in the arms before the first wedding anniversary arrives. (One of my school friends had a baby two months prior to her first wedding anniversary, and we used to joke that she conceived on her nuptial bed). The second norm is to wait for a year or two and then have kids. We are way past the norm. People know we have been going to doctors. My mother is an OB/GYN. It is obvious. If we are not showing sociopathic tendencies and there is no blooming in the garden, everybody has just guessed the condition. I am also blessed with nosy relatives/close family. And people ask on the face. That sets everything on the table. But it still pinches me when people ask. When...

Went through the latest Barren Advice column on SQ recently. The lady’s issue was the jealousy she experienced when she heard of a fellow infertile finally striking lucky. Mel’s advice was great, and I am not about to counter it….but I absorbed the question and inspected it from my own angle. Recently, two fellow IF bloggers revealed their positive HPTs. My first spontaneous reaction was jubilation . I was really happy for them, and I do frown on every worry that they reveal. So have I become the high-morals, priestess of good virtues in the IF land? No way! One of my later responses to their posts on their new status, is the constant urge to have the opportunity of posting the same kind of subject as they do. Is that a mark of jealousy? I would have to again deny that. But it kinds of raises the aspiration level I have from myself. I have had moments I am not too proud of. At a point of time in 2007, in-laws were visiting us. They had first visited my BIL (in a different city), and ...

As I end this year and stand at the entry of a brand new milestone in TTC battle, I think it is necessary to recap what this year brought for me. I began this year with cipher. And though there is no baby in my arms, I am not ending this year with a cipher . This year has been eventful. My lap and D&C happened this year. For a long time, I had a hard time convincing my own mother (also a doc) that ‘we’ may have a fertility problem. She was one of the last persons to realize this. I used to have super periods. I was lucky to be having them regularly and predictably. This year, my periods were regular but unpredictable in terms of actual dates. Most of them had me in pain . There was heavy bleeding and in some cycles, prolonged bleeding. I had just come out of Anti-Koch’s this year (six-month medicine course ending in Jan 2008). Overall, I will say that my general sense of well-being has been shaky for the past 18 months. When I started anti-Koch’s, I had an almost arthritic pain i...

Wondering what that title means? Not to fear, because Show and Tell is here! This is a pic of my SIL’s daughter, S (taken in end-October). At that point of time, she was still learning to turn herself and sitting with support. This picture is of an evening feed. Her mother is supporting the bottle, while she has a go at playing with herself. Only when she gets really hungry, would she not let someone else hold the bottle, and would do the honours of holding the bottle herself. I think it is one of the several memorable photos of her, I would like to share when she grows up. Don’t kids ask, “How was I as a baby/when I was growing up”? Well I have solid proof to show! What say? To find out about who else brought the apples for the class teacher, just click here ! ^WiseGuy^ Post Script: End-October, I was mentally preparing myself for the IVF cycle. End-October, I wondered whether I would be pregnant on my birthday.

My news is not a secret from you. Let me count the ways, Thursday brought us wrong news. The SIL of my mother's domestic help was 6 months pg and had severe jaundice. She lost her baby and is still unconscious. The day I had my ET, I told you about who all I shared my recovery room with. Well the other lady who had her ET on the same day (November 20) also tested negative. We learnt of a death (of a very young woman, under-30) in our close acquaintances. She was just out of labour. The baby has survived. ^WiseGuy^