My Lady of the Lantern

It is incredible really...in daily increments, I find a whole stack of nine months melting away. When this journey began, I thought nine months was just three months shy of an year, and a year is a long time period. Now that I am in my sixth month, I wonder where the time has gone. Of course, I see it in my blog...the milestones and appointments and reports, but still! This is not an original sentiment, but there is this saying that a moment lasts a lifetime, but a day passes quicker . Anyways, I met Dr. BS on Saturday afternoon. Kaiser was limb-dancing...all limbs out! He was curling and opening his hands, bending them at elbows. I still can't feel the 'fluttering'. Maybe I am still not sensitive enough, or the sensation is so minute that it fades away before I take cognizance of it. I am waiting for heavy-movements, when I can actually feel him/her doing a good warm-up inside. Kaiser measured 20w3d, had a galloping horse-heartbeat and the AFI was sufficient. I got my sec...

...I should not forget to tell you what happened to the happy prospect of PCT . Well, I have decided to not do it. As many of the wise commenters have stated, I have already gone through techniques that completely overcome the CM issues. I do not feel the need to go for it till push comes to shove I have a more solid reason to do it and rather than just emotional arm-twisting. Tests must not be for tests' sake, coz these tests are tests and not art. Sad metaphor, but that's alright because along with my uterus, my grey cells have also become defunct. ^WiseGuy^

Hey Mom, did they go for a PCT? ...mother turning around... Who Who? ...me pointing fingers... These Beggars. ...a family of streetdwellers, oldest less than 8 years old and youngest a few months old; four-five kids; two adult males, two adult females. No Response. ------------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever wondered why sperm count is such a hyped up number when the trophy sperm needs to be just one? Why God has so many of them swimming towards the subway when it will be just one in a million that may catch the train? ^WiseGuy^

And they are not even crazy. I am being egged to get a Post-Coital Test done. The person I trust here in City G is also a cousin of mine. It is her hospital I go to when I am to do my things here. Somehow, the EQ ( Embarrassment Quotient ) in these tests just keeps on getting higher and higher. I am hurt to have somebody hounding me at all places. First of all, the idea that s#x makes babies got chucked out, and now I have to get ready to allow medical voyeurism as well? Have s#x and spread your legs, honey! I feel sheer disgust. There is a mental block I am experiencing over this. First of all, I am not happy to be in this position. Second, I feel it is very violating, and thirdly, I do not see how easily DH would agree to this. One of things that I have been very happy about is that DH has mildly cribbed, but never gone back on his promise of SA. But to ask him to ‘perform’ like that, when we are just dogs in an open cage, is pathetic. It is tough to break somebody’s resistance, when...

I don't think you prayed enough for me... I am bleeding through. The pregnancy test is sitting cosily in the refrigerator. This time too it has to take its rest. But I have decided to not take any hormones or any other medicines atleast in the next cycle. My right ovary chocolate cyst has come back, but "Frankly my Dear, Now I don't give a damn".