My Lady of the Lantern

Well, the winds of purge are blowing in this household, specifically on my territory. I cleaned through Figlia's closet. I cleaned through my clothes. And then I just hit delete on all the messages on my cell phone. Just kill all.  And somehow, it feels better and lighter. There have been times, I have lost messages I would not have been able to lose otherwise, and now, it felt better to let them go.  We are just out of February.  I have waited all of last year. Waited for the magical strike of a first birthday that transforms babies into running, independent, sleeping through the night bubble bums. Two out of three things in that list have not happened yet, but there is a wonderful timbre to our day now.  Maybe it is because hubby is not going to the gym lately.  We are sweeping away, and purging a lot of things that can't be physically quantified.  I am definitely sleeping better now than I was all of last year. We still wak...

Went to a restaurant last night for dinner. I had been there last in December 2010 on my birthday, when CBub was alive and kicking in me. That "I last came here when" had not struck me till we actually took our table and ordered. - - -  Feb 13 was the actual due date of CBub. I have been more conscious about that this year, than last year.

I am fascinated by his coat and the way he carries his hat. He looks so English even though he is not.  "Oh I play lawn tennis every evening. Of course, the crowd is so changed. I know it's an expensive hobby to be a part of that club. But I figured why not till I can. The only thing I miss is that none of my partners are alive anymore." What goes through the mind of a generation which knows that they are dropping off the face of the planet? That people they called their peers are now in the ranks of deceased.  When he told me the last line, I suddenly understood that his need to play was not just the quest for fitness, but also returning to a court full of memories, and rallies with ghosts from his past.  If not for the hunch in his shoulders, his gait does not indicate his age at all. I have seen old people. I have seen bitter and frustrated old people. I have seen old people who need help but refuse to acknowledge and sponge off others and remain t...

There is still a sputter of murmur of butter on the topic in the past post. ( I have been taking inspiration from Shakespeare for improving my writing skills. Why, thanks for noticing. ) In the his and her circle of friends, her friends and family have several people who have two and are surviving it well, there are few with one and declaring that digit enough, and couples who (are fertile, some ironies are tough to explain and expand upon ) have voluntarily decided to remain child-free. The her connections of Her Highness, at least the friends/colleagues bit, are vocal about why they made the choices about their family the way they made it. Her Highness keeps biting the ears of His Highness, picking bits from conversations ( the super female communication skill at its best, the ability to sneak up the same topic at any time of the day, and in any context ).  Her feels that he too does have communication of some sort in this regard with his connections. He and his connecti...

Figlia's boils settled down overnight. The antibiotics worked!  - - -  I can feel a general difference in a lot of things from last year. Maybe, its because DH is currently not going to gym in the morning. Maybe because Figlia is far more independent than last year.  But I feel a difference. And the difference is good. My concerns haven't died. They are of a new shape, but yes, they are different to what they were earlier. - - - I have decided to persist with attempting to clean them teeth everyday. I am hoping that I will finally ace why they say that patience is born from motherhood.  - - - I am not saying I am TTC. I am not. I am not any close to conception as close I am to preventing. Which means that I am not preventing, but I am not in any proton orbit that leads to conception. But I feel okay with not having more children. But I want to have a sibling for Figlia. I want to catch a couple of years before I make a full de...

we are, because every month we have to have our fill of antibiotics in this house. Figzy woke up with two boils. One of them on her forehead, and the other one cutely tucked behind an ear. I immediately had her started on an antibiotic ointment I had at home, and we later got a prescription for an antibiotic syrup as well.  The positives are that the area is not covered and hence is open to air. And we are too cautious, since our history is glorious .  In the two-minute shower that I took, I had an amazing recap of what happened to the December boil, and what if all that happened to the forehead boil. In the five minutes of dressing up after that, I shoved the thought off my brain. It won't repeat again. 

Figlia is pretty busy at home these days. So much so that it is possible for me to leave her on the floor with a sprinkling of her toys and manage to do my own work too, even with 852 interruptions in a five minute width. But it is possible for me to hold something in my hand and do two bits with it before she comes by pull it off.  There is some voodoo on the table in our living area because every object on it begs Figlia to be slammed to the floor, and she dutifully obeys.  My challengetticus is currently in the dental cleaning department. It's a kamikaze mission to rub her teeth with a finger, or a soft cloth wrapped on the finger. (I must have eaten razors during my pregnancy). So, I brought the modern advancement which is a toothbrush, but she does not understand what the thing is about.  At the sight of the approaching toothbrush, she clenches shut her mouth, and refuses to part her lips. All she remembers from her GI Jane training is that toothbrus...

Almost every evening after Figlia is back from the daycare, I take her out in the neighbourhood (weather permitting). The good thing about walking with the baby again and again in the same environs is that people tend to stop by, recognize her, and children stop playing to go marvel at her or touch her cheeks.  There is a pleasant woman that I occasionally cross paths with. Her daughter is several years older than Figzy. So, she was also walking and she kind of joined us * . Over the conversation that we were into, the issue of second child ** came up, and well, with that I ended up sharing my entire Infertility/TTC bio with. We began talking at the base of the steps to her apartment, and by the time we had completed one round of the block, my entire history had been told. It's amazing to be able to squeeze several years of happenings in a walk not worthy of more than ten minutes. I also found it pretty easy to share it in toto and without a tinge of any mood westerlies, ...