My Lady of the Lantern

I woke up as usual today...carried my cup of coffee to the balcony... Time of that kind is spent staring at the sky, the pigeons and the sparrows, and the ugly new cable that has been set up on my railing. It is also spent on watching my five tiny plants struggle to stay green and flourish. That time is spent in sipping the coffee, or staring into the cup or registering that I probably did not make it right today or fully enjoying what I made. I watch the sparse traffic on the road below, and the man (who is the keeper of a water tank). And then my eyes watered today. I was not crying, or I was. I am not sure of what it was. My tears sprung up too fast and rolled down in fat drops, and they stopped at that. I was re-living a moment that I lived through on December 4, 2008. I was also adding some fantasy to it. But more or less, I remembered the crying then. Is it going to be like this? Like reading through to Chapter 13 to be force-fed Chapter 2 again? ^WiseGuy^

Almost seven days of the super diet are already up. I tend to squeeze in the swallowing business in the middle of my breakfast, so that the taste of those pills is not the last thing in my mouth. I have been asked to stay away from the troika of Coffee, Chocolates and Aerated Drinks. It is not the first time that I have been asked to resist it, but come on! I am currently on one cup a day of coffee, and so I do not think I am having too much of it. I love my Pepsi, and I love chocolates, and barring the Milka I finished last week, there has hardly been any chocolate consumed by me. The temperatures here are touching 104 degrees Fahrenheit and to stay away from an aerated drink is the toughest for me. I think my weakest link in the don’t-haves is the aerated drinks. The easiest for me to avoid right now is Chocolate. The one thing I am not changing is my coffee. One cup a day is not monumental. I am uber-glad that I have not been forbidden from snorting cocaine, smoking or getting dead-...

Yes, I returned back, late last night. I have meant to blog...but something or the other just kept on popping and so it is now that I am sunk to blogging, even though my mind is fighting the rest of my senses for coffee. Yes the trip was nice blah blah...blah, and I shopped a bit and got a thumb ring and a necklace for an exciting souvenir...blah blah! We did not travel alone. Another infertile couple was also roped in our quest for the Holy Smoke. So we ended at wherever and did the whatever, and guess what? We did not talk/share history upto the time that we we were about to take the train back to the place from which we started. Guess what, she too was a case of Unexplained Infertility, still trying to strike lucky atleast once. " ...There is such a big file. Doctors can't tell what is wrong... They ask me as to how come no pregnancies have ever occurred... We went to ABC in M and we went to XYZ in G...Oh, treatment? No, I have given up on it...I am sure it has got somethin...

So, I went to the doc yesterday (CD6) and had a Sonography. My uterus was ‘out of phase’, POD was clear and the right ovary was behaving like an over-excited school kid. As for the left ovary, it is not responding at all to the induction. Isn’t it ironic that the normal ovary refuses to budge? It is now that we realized (doc and me), that we were so obsessed with the right ovary and its chocolate cyst that we totally forgot its twin! The left ovary had appeared normal during the laparoscopy in January, but now it is clear that it is *just* a meatball. I have stopped the inductive drug and am continuing with just Lycostar and Duphaston (a 10 mg daily course for 10 days). This cycle is a complete spoil. Once I have my periods again, the doctor would like to check how many follicles are formed minus the induction. I am losing my faith. My hormonal levels are fine, and all other factors are okay, yet, I am on the path of desperation. I guess, for the sake of some utility, I must take m...