So this post captures a recent interaction/ the series of things connected to Birdman, me and my pregnancy.
Before anything, I hope you don't have any husband - bashing genes out, and I totally hope you haven't had a World War scale skirmish with your beloved.
The Feather Scene 1:
Before anything, I hope you don't have any husband - bashing genes out, and I totally hope you haven't had a World War scale skirmish with your beloved.
The Feather Scene 1:
Birdman: How do you feel? (reference: pregnancy)
Me: Excited. How about you?
Birdman: A little scared.
I assumed he was scared because we still had a long way to go and all, so thinking that I asked for a little clarity.
Birdman: Because you won't care much about me after the baby is born.
And it struck me.
I have been ruminating on that statement.
* This was the first time that Birdman asked me on how I felt. He also planted a kiss on my belly. The first for that too.
* We have been 'just us' for too long. Me and him, him and me. There was nobody to share the middle space ever between us. We are probably used to being 'just us'. The baby would change so many things.
* Because nothing else had my attention before this, not in the love department atleast, maybe Birdman feels that the love would now get divided? I do not want to use the 'J' word here, because it really does not belong here. But the truth is, the baby would certainly get a loooooot of attention from me. How would I handle Birdman and Kaiser?
The Feather Scene 2:
No dialogues in this scene here. It's straight business.
Sex has been out for us. And the deprivation has hit Birdman harder than me.
What is it with men really? Now that he doesn't get his action, he wants my attention in other departments more...and sometimes, I just don't want to. And he is like:
a) You are selfish.
b) You don't care about me anymore.
Well, thanks honey! I feel like a million bucks here.
^WiseGuy^
P.S. I am selfish. I know that very well. Just that I don't like being called one.
:( Sounds like a rough couple of days hon. Big changes ahead, but if you keep talking about it, work through it this can change you guys for the better! Make you stronger. Just keep talking.
ReplyDeleteLots and lots of changes ahead for both of you. Sounds like he's feeling a bit insecure. That doesn't change the fact that you (the PREGNANT one) need to be taken care of right now.
ReplyDeleteI am certain you have plenty of love for both of them. Change is scary.
I think it's sweet that he cares so much about you. I know it will be really tough when the baby comes, but just as long as you keep reminding him that you still love him but need to be caring for the baby, I think he'll be fine. My hubby was neglected for a while, but he bounced back once my attention wasn't solely on the twins 24/7.
ReplyDeleteHe'll survive and get over it. And if he doesn't . . . you'll have the baby! hahaha!
ReplyDeleteChanges are not really welcome, especially when it involves 'demoting'. But he has time to adjust to this change. It is in the nature of things to change, and you either roll with them or get confused.
ReplyDeleteThe sex part won't get as it was any time soon. It does not mean that it will disappear completely, but it will be quite different. But there will be other tender moments, with a different emotional charge.
Selfishness is unavoidable. It is part of the protective mood you are in right now. And he should understand this. It is not that difficult to put oneself in the other's shoes.
I hope you find your balance together soon.
Men are from mars my dear. Se.x is like so much more important to them than anything else. Hard to imagine for us, but honestly, my man is so much less needy after s.ex! Are you not allowed to have se.x until the three month mark?
ReplyDeleteHe must understand that your relationship is going to change. And not only will you be putting a lot of time and attention on the baby, but he will too. It's just going to change. It sounds like he is trying to get used to that idea (from scene 1).
ReplyDeleteHe will get used to it; this is a huge change and I bet he feels left out of the process since it's all happening inside you for now.
Mr S is a s.ex camel and can survive long periods of time in the desert, so he was able to make it through an entire year I was pregnant with J/just has a c/s with barely anything.
ReplyDeletePregnancy kind of makes us focus our attention inward to our child, and some men have a hard time with that. They aren't experiencing the pregnancy physically, and don't feel as bonded- it isn't as real to them. Once he holds Kaiser in his arms, he will understand. He will be focused on that baby too.
i don't know if this helps you at all but, pre-baby, my DH was worried about a future lack of attention, too. after ninja arrived, he understood why i was so busy. he said that he realized that the baby has to come first for us both because her physical and emotional needs are so important.
ReplyDeleteand, really, i could make a case for a lack of attention from him, as well - because he is so taken with the baby, too. :)
i have no assvice re: sex. we are a bit dry in that department. either he's away from home or i'm feeling disgusting from having had no time to shower. *le sigh*
i hope you both figure things out. it does sound as though he is trying to get used to the idea, as gingerandlime says.
You know...mine was the same way. And the way it worked itself out was like this....somewhere around the end of the pregnancy, it snaps in their brains. AND, the minute they see you holding HIS child, he realizes that HE is a father, you a mother, and that baby relies on you both for everything.
ReplyDeleteAs for the action department...There's only so much you can (ahem) do about that. it's not fun.
In some ways its quite sweet that your DH voiced those insecurities, better than keeping it bottled up and letting it grow into something bigger than it is. I'm sure a lot of new parents have these anxieties and its only natural as your world is going to change for sure. But its like anything, we adapt and we find a new system that works. You'll find a way that works for you but I guess you won't know till the baby arrives exactly how that will happen.
ReplyDeleteAs for the no sex thing.. i dont think you are being selfish at all. After everything we've been through i've been quite honest with my DH that if we get pregnant again there will be no action of that persuasion until well after the first trimester. Its not like he's the only one thats being deprived!
Every few days, my Beloved gets that sad neglected look on his face. He has never actually said anything, but I know he has the same worries as your DH. One thing that has helped us (and I know this certainly wouldn't work with everyone) is that I keep him posted on pretty much everything that is happening with me physically. Whether it is the agonizing leg cramps or feeling the Halfling roll around inside me, he seems to appreciate being in the loop.
ReplyDeleteAs for s.ex, well, that's still hit or miss. He's got a valid point that I'm not as interested as I was when we were ttc, but he has been understanding.
I really try, when I'm feeling good and have the energy, to do special things for him. Make a dinner he will love, making sure we have root beer in the fridge, etc.