My blood report indicates that I continue to have anemia. Supergyn has prescribed parenteral iron therapy from next week.
Maybe the anemia is a quiet manifestation of my occasional accusation at Figzy that she is sucking my blood.
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Some of the difficult behaviour that I have faced from Figzy is a manifestation of the fact that she is missing a lot of important people in her life currently. She is attached to my mum, and my mum isn't here. Her father is not there too. She can't handle his phone calls because she ends up bawling miserably every time he tries to speak to her on the phone.
When she is trying me, I try to stay compassionate to her desperation to know the life she had before I brought her here.
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There has been a daily influx of pics of my nephew and the 'new family' on my phone and social media, and I can't help but notice that my SIL looks great. She looks rested, and amusingly, I noticed that she changes her earrings often. I can't for the life of me really remember wanting to feel pretty in the early days after having Figlia. I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted the bleeding to go away.
Some of her glee and comfort stems from the fact that she had a smooth flow to conception and a successful pregnancy.
Maybe my perception and comfort level would have differed if not for the loss I suffered with my first baby. The second pregnancy was new but not novel. The climax was anxiety-filled, and I was too focussed on getting the baby out and alive rather than living the moment of it. Then, my discomfort with my own body and sleep-deprivation completely compromised my eligibility to be the face of a glossy happy mother brochure.
This continuous observance of earrings by me is a stark manifestation of how different my experience has been.
When she is trying me, I try to stay compassionate to her desperation to know the life she had before I brought her here.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. Gwen has been doing *so well* with the transition/move, but there are hints that it's hard on her...like when she says "at home", and then corrects herself to "at Heidelberg". Or when she wakes up during the night, something she hasn't done in months, and calls for me. The layout of her new room is strange, and she asks me "Where is the door? Where is the closet?" and needs me to tell her before she settles. Even though I could really do without being woken in the middle of the night every night, I figure it's a small price to pay to help her feel safe and secure in her new environment.
Just when Figzy gets used to it, the new baby will be here, and you'll be back home! I think compassion is the key - keep telling her that yes, you understand it's strange, but it's also exciting to do something different. And you'll be back home before too long.
ReplyDeleteNow you know your post-birth goal! Daily earring changes! (I change earring so rarely - it could be a few weeks, but more likely it's many months. And I'm not that busy!)