My Lady of the Lantern

My personal calls all get done wee early in the morning ( 6 am to 7 am anyone?) or when I am in office and making good use of the phone in my you-wouldn't-believe-how-big-and-ginormous cabin, and sometimes when I am returning to home from work. Yesterday, I was speaking to my mum on my trip back, when I managed to ask her if I was this way too - that fighting sleep bit. Yes, I was. How long? For a couple of months. My jaw dropped. I do remember references to my mother praying and carrying me around to make me sleep. I also recall references to the fact that I sometimes used to cry, and it was difficult for my mum to discern what was causing it. I remember those bits, but I had never digested that as well and as hard as I did, yesterday evening. And it never made as much sense to me as it did last evening. If Figlia is going my way, I do know that she will turn into a good sleeper eventually. But I now understand how hard it must have been for my mum. Last evening was ano...

I am not even sure if the title suits what I am writing. And it is definitely not the end of what I mentioned in my Saturday post. I should just stop counting nights. Saturday night, it was three vomits (Figlia has never vomited before), and lot of crying before final sleeping. Yesterday night, we bundled her in the car and took her for a drive. We were 10 minutes away from the home, when she stared crying. It was not colic. It was hunger. And she refused to breastfeed. And I was not carrying her bottle. It could be the longest 10 minutes of my recent history. Once home, she had her bottle, quietened down, and I gave her to DH. I was too wiped for any more cajoling for sleep. Just when I think that I can't take it any more, I end up surviving it. I was given a beautiful word once, in a different context though. That word was surrender . If I could just surrender to the fact that she will eventually give this up. If I could just surrender to the idea that I just have to ...

Fourth consecutive night, Aye refused to sleep. Car drives, feeding, killing lights, shushhhing, Aye refused to sleep. Griping, Singing, Praying, Ignoring, Aye refused to sleep. Mum actually searched Aye's back for her batteries because, Aye refused to sleep. What's wrong with her? She is tired, why doesn't she sleep? Coz fourth night in a row, Aye refused to sleep. Fighting with sleep killers for an hour and more, the room lights were finally turned on. Aye smiled at Daddy, Aye refused to sleep.

*TMI Alert* *TMI Alert* I woke up today morning 20 minutes before I normally do, which is way better than waking up 20 minutes later than my norm (which happened yesterday). It translated to not knifing myself for being sleepy clumsy, or driving mules over snail paced working in the morning. I am amazed at how much can be accomplished when there is no time to do it. But that's not what I want to mention here. I noticed a strong change in my CM today morning. It did not hit me at once, but in a few seconds I was able to compute that I had possibly ovulated, and what cycle day it must be today and then I stopped my train of thoughts. I am not TTC. But it is comforting to know that my body will attempt cooperation if I get onto the wagon (oh we are already asking Figlia if she wants a sibling, but she is refusing currently #ha ). It is #appropriateadjective for me to know that I still have cycle arithmetic in control. I can count, people. I totally can. I am so much better tha...

Days before I had gone back to work, I attended a party hosted by a colleague. In a conversation, she told me about one of our students who became a new mum recently. That bit of news, was just one tidbit among the various threads exchanged between us. When I went back to work, I asked how old the baby was. I do not even know what triggered the question, but it was some reference to one of her batchmates. 'Oh!' she said, 'the baby is no more.' It was shocking. The baby wasn't quite a month old when she died. I took my student's number. I texted her a message of condolence, and told her that she could call/contact me anytime. She replied back, thanked me for the message, and told me that she was trying to forget the baby's face, but was struggling with it. I want to clarify here, that I am only sharing the 'forgetting the face of the baby' part of her message. There were other bits to the reply too. I told her that it was impossible to forget ...

"Who are you talking to?" "Myself?" "You talk to yourself?" Inch-close to being married for almost nine years to this man, and he has never figured that I tend to talk to myself? Is your spouse/partner surprised at something that you perceived as common knowledge for him/her? Has your partner discovered something new about you recently?

Figlia started daycare from last Friday. I initially kept her for four hours and upped her hours on Saturday and then on Monday, so that she was on full-hours at the place when I joined work on Tuesday. She is doing well apparently, and her adult parents were apparently more worked up than she is at her new place. She has lots of company there, and when I leave her there in the morning, I don't leave immediately. I chug in a few moments, chat with the helpers, and the little kids there...and I sort of like it. She pays a lot of attention to the activity around her, and she will have lot of playmates when she grows up and starts understanding the playing with others on her own. Her naps have definitely changed...she has more fractured naps overall, and I find her cranky in the evening when I bring her back home. Sometimes she sleeps for about half an hour in the evening. Her being cranky means that I am more tightwired in doing anything at all in the house, and if hubby is not ...