I am not even sure if the title suits what I am writing. And it is definitely not the end of what I mentioned in my Saturday post.
I should just stop counting nights.
Saturday night, it was three vomits (Figlia has never vomited before), and lot of crying before final sleeping.
Yesterday night, we bundled her in the car and took her for a drive. We were 10 minutes away from the home, when she stared crying. It was not colic.
It was hunger.
And she refused to breastfeed. And I was not carrying her bottle.
It could be the longest 10 minutes of my recent history.
Once home, she had her bottle, quietened down, and I gave her to DH. I was too wiped for any more cajoling for sleep.
Just when I think that I can't take it any more, I end up surviving it.
I was given a beautiful word once, in a different context though. That word was surrender.
If I could just surrender to the fact that she will eventually give this up. If I could just surrender to the idea that I just have to sit through this. If I could just surrender to the belief that I am not the first one experiencing this, and not the last one to do so.
The truth is that if I could become accepting of the surrender, it would stop making me dread the approach of our sleep time.
If I could just say, it's ok, and just say it with conviction to myself...atleast I will stop bringing my anxiety to her sleep time.
If.
It is hard. It just can be so so hard sometimes. It will get better. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteYou will get through this, it's not easy, but it will eventually stop.
ReplyDeleteOh, my heart goes out to you! How awful for all of you. There was one trip we were on when I misjudged the availability of potable water for making bottles (and at the time that was all Gwen ate), and the time between when she decided she was hungry and when I was able to fix it was also only about 10 minutes, but I felt horrible, her screams were like nothing I'd ever heard before, I was almost in tears myself.
ReplyDeleteAnd that If is so hard.
Well, that's it exactly. There's nothing you can do to make her eat when, where, and what you prefer. There's nothing you can do to make her sleep. But it will get better eventually...or you'll turn into a zombie who just doesn't notice how tired and worried you are any more.
ReplyDelete"Just when I think that I can't take it any more, I end up surviving it."
ReplyDeleteYes, this. Exactly.
I hated it when people told me "it will get better". A bit less than the "you must be exagerrating" looks and the assvice that only meant people thought I were stupid.
ReplyDeleteBut... It does get better. In a year, you will forget how it was. The sleep, not the exhaustion from lack of it. :-)
Really, it is hard, very hard, but somehow you get through day afterday andrealise months later that it is easier.
Until then, just surrender.
And complain. And whinge. It does wonder to the morale, the commiserating.
Hugs.
Wishing you a bit of sleep and rest.
all i can say is it gets better. i promise it does. this can be a difficult age. louise had reflux and i can't tell you how tired i grew of being vomited on every day multiple times a day and everything in our house getting coated in vomit. she grew out of it around seven months and things got better from there. of course, with every age there are new challenges, but i find that the older she gets the easier things become.
ReplyDeleteI used to dread the coming of night time, each and every night(with the first 2 that is). I "babywised" the last one and it was an AMAZING life saver, it was very very hard but it worked!!!!
ReplyDeleteoh my... I feel for you. I hope this period is over - soon!
ReplyDeleteYou are bringing me back to the days when my son would not sleep. It was hard, so hard.
ReplyDeleteAnd it did get better.
This will all be behind you someday. But for now, it is just. plain. hard.
It's a really tough period, I know. You will survive this though, and eventually it will get better. We have lots of issues getting V down at bedtime, he's tired but he won't admit it, he's hungry but he won't eat because he doesn't want to sleep... the later the evening gets, the fussier the baby gets. And it's hard. So much screaming, crying, flailing, moaning... then it repeats the next day. It's tough, but you can do this (*hugs*)
ReplyDeleteYou are *not* the first one experiencing this! I was never able to surrender, dreaded sleep time too. This time it's a bit easier, but oh my, I don't want to be this tired anymore...
ReplyDeleteI have good friends who are dealing with *2* non-sleepers right now. The whole thing seems really miserable to me, a person who desperately needs 8 hrs a night or is miserable.
ReplyDelete