My Lady of the Lantern

I am back to work.  I tend to leave house before DH and F. DH drops her to daycare daily and I pick her up in the evening.  DH continues to breeze in late evening (8:45 pm - ish). He is divine when he is home. Figlia immediately slips off and hounds him. I can get a chance to go pee and not be followed by her.  Figzy has finally started watching TV, and is interested in directing what is played on it at what time.  I have this stupid rash someplace on my torso, and had crazy itching all over my back two nights back. I was okay the whole day, and the itching recurred last evening. Just like the night before, I took an antihistamine to kill the itching.  It is now that I realize that I am drowsy, yawning and feeling dull, and it could be the drug. I had a wave of sleep roll over me yesterday noon at work. And today, the waves are just crashing into me.  But I am not thrilled to be back here. I am just going through the motion of comin...

~~Squeal Warning: Put on your court dress, because here presented is a case that is otherwise attracting covert and overt judgement~~ March 8th was my seventh blogoversary; time for the itch to set in, I guess. - - - M was here with me in UsualCity till 16th. Our getting a nanny at home plan has not panned out.  I wanted to settle a bit before being back to work, but with the kids, it seemed everything specially crucial to me was just stuck on full speed snail pace.  It is 'season time' for hubby and he is gone out for the day on all days of the week. Figlia had her agenda, and M had his. Their demands were different, and often at the same point of time. Sometimes Figlia was too keen on playing with M, when M wanted to nap. One afternoon, she did not let him sleep till 4 p.m., when he was actually wanting to do so at 1 p.m. Figlia is naughty, and things that I don't let irk me, were making me yell at her. She has this glint in her eyes, when she is up f...

I am just passing through another panic/anxiety attack. Nothing awful, but it took a good standing under the shower to tell myself that panicking was not very helpful.  There is some can't-mention-here family thing drama running as a background process. It affects me obliquely and I can neither change nor quicken its pace. It will take its own course, the repercussions will continue to hit us, as the time passes, and I am losing my brain on why no one else sees it my way. After a lot of false starts, I just endured my first proper period. The thing is that after menstruating for half my life, I still can't say if my periods have ended or there will be some gush happening again. I am hoping for the better situation. Figlia is gone to UsualCity last week. My travel later this week is imminent. I have to pack, and have little motivation for it. M's 3 month vaccination was ugh . He had a fever and his legs ached, resulting in a very cranky baby. The discomfort wa...

Aryanhwy wrote about her daughter's reasoning skills in a recent post. And reading that post reminded me of what Figlia does.  She was eating her food the other day, and said: "In English, lotion is called like ocean". And then one recent evening, she excited pointed at the moon, and chirped: "See mummy, moon! Moon is like a lemon (shape)." It is amazing to watch the little ones develop a grasp of things, and a world that seems too obvious to me as an adult.  - - - I have been having flashbacks from the time immediate after CBub's passing - the time that I finally found that she was gone.  It is not very disconcerting, but I don't know what to do when it happens. I just re-live.  I am sitting on my bed, my feet resting on the floor. I watch myself watch out of our bedroom window in the darkness of the night...the only light coming into the room is from that window. I watch myself watching the shadows of swaying eucaly...

M turned 3 months old last week. Next day to that, he celebrated it with not doing anything as per the routine that had gradually set in, and that included napping. He was fine the day next to this anomalous day, and it was relief. Figlia was finally put on antibiotics, and she is on the mend. This week, she will go away with her Dad to UsualCity, and next week, M and I will follow suit. My parents would accompany us there and would be there for 10 odd days.  M is doing well developmentally...and he smiles easily. Figlia was a smiley babe too. Like his sister, he too has a lazy eye, but it is not as much as it was with Figlia. Figlia's eye became normal on its own around 4 months, and I expect the same with M.  Lo.la crosses my mind everyday. Once we go back to UsualCity, M would also receive all his vaccines at Dr. T's clinic...the very place where L fought her last battles. L walks with me everywhere. 

I have butterflies in my stomach. I can't fathom how we will make to M's first birthday.  I mean we will, right? But it appears a piece of work.  Figlia has come down with cold/cough and low grade fever. The baby has just recovered from a cold.  Here, I can lean on my mother to help me. Figzy slept in my parents' room last night (we are trying to reduce physical contact between F and M, while she is sick).  We are looking for full time help back in UsualCity, but I have truckload of doubts about it. Hubby will help me of course, and yet this feels so hard. 

Every night, I hope that it would be a good night of sleep. Sleep suddenly becomes the most important need from everything that Maslow mentioned as human needs.  - Children are very good profile pic material? I see happy, cute faces everywhere...on my whatsapp and on other social media. I am amused that we consider our progeny more presentable than ourselves. - People who were peers at different points of time....I feel left behind (not career wise, that should be different post). But most of them are way past family building or experiencing babyhood...there is a small fraction at the same stage as me, but still.  Instead, some of my students are now having kids or already have children of their own, and they are not teen moms/dads. - M has his first proper cold and ran a low grade fever this week to show it. Thankfully, the fever disappeared quickly and he has responded to medication. - M began to take his yummy hand to his mouth...he did it for the ...