My Lady of the Lantern

Today, I woke up with a heavy head, and a light headache despite a full night's sleep.  Headaches were not my thing, but I am learning new things every day.  F has a sensitive tummy to three food items - gram flour (chickpea flour), watermelon and pomegranate. That has always been the case.  All these things are available in our house, and commonly elsewhere, but I have always ensured that F does not eat it.  Even with the chickpea, she is more sensitive to some preparations than others. Long story short, she ate a gram flour do-not-give-ever thing on Saturday morning, and then, that same night we dined out, and her plumbing went into overdrive. She had diarrhoea and stomach ache yesterday. Today, I sent her straight to daycare and did not send her to school. Here was a girl who was asking me to " mumma, make my tummy alright ", and I couldn't make the discomfort disappear. I felt awful that I could not do anything that would bring instantan...

Because of the trail of 'small things' that just kept on happening to me - weird rashes and allergy; an acting up of the hemorrhoid I got in this past pregnancy, and infection caught from using a public loo, I have not been feeling my 100 percent lately.  One of the things that came out of this was that I had to get my blood sugar checked for diabeeetus. I was anxious waiting for the report to turn in, and given that there is diabbbbeeetus on both sides of my family, I was worried. Thankfully, I do not have diabbeeeetus.  - - -  I have been cleaning and disposing stuff from the house. I am glad for the freeing of space, and for the fact that some things are being used with much enthusiasm elsewhere (I 'abandoned' one lot of F's clothes in a slum close to her daycare, and immediately a group of young girls descended on the bag; later, I saw that girls for whom the clothes were too tight were also trying to get into the dresses).  - - - My per...

I dislike being photographed. It isn't something that comes to me unconsciously.  I do not consider myself photogenic, and I tend to stand in for the snaps on deliberate design rather than for the joy of it. The camera does not love me.  And as has been the case recently, I have awful dark circles. I have had them for years now. They keep getting lighter or staying depending on the amount of rest I am getting, but they never disappear.  I hate my dark circles.  However, my dislike for being photographed has begun to show in other ways. There is a 15 to 200 ratio of the number of pics where I am there with any/all of my children versus the presence of someone else with the kids. There just are not as many pics of me with them.  - - -  I have had a series of health issues recently. Starting from that weird allergy/rash, to periods that were a week early, to general stress and gloom, to an infection of some other area, there appears to...

I miss my son. I miss his heart-melting smile.  - - - I am more settled at the office now. I am still resisting, and not feeling 100 percent, but here I am.  - - - A live-in nanny is supposed to join us from tomorrow onwards (on a trial basis initially). I hope she fits the bill, and solves the issue I have with DH's long and erratic and workaholic ways.  - - - Figlia starts school from the coming Monday.  - - - I am aghast at what happened with the recent Germanwings crash, and what is happening in Syria, and Libya and other boiling pots in the world. I am not able to comprehend how twisted a man's psyche can be, or how it can spread like a contagious disease. For that matter, it appalls me to watch such twisted notions being held up and enforced without guilt and much conviction by a huge mass of people. 

I am back to work.  I tend to leave house before DH and F. DH drops her to daycare daily and I pick her up in the evening.  DH continues to breeze in late evening (8:45 pm - ish). He is divine when he is home. Figlia immediately slips off and hounds him. I can get a chance to go pee and not be followed by her.  Figzy has finally started watching TV, and is interested in directing what is played on it at what time.  I have this stupid rash someplace on my torso, and had crazy itching all over my back two nights back. I was okay the whole day, and the itching recurred last evening. Just like the night before, I took an antihistamine to kill the itching.  It is now that I realize that I am drowsy, yawning and feeling dull, and it could be the drug. I had a wave of sleep roll over me yesterday noon at work. And today, the waves are just crashing into me.  But I am not thrilled to be back here. I am just going through the motion of comin...

~~Squeal Warning: Put on your court dress, because here presented is a case that is otherwise attracting covert and overt judgement~~ March 8th was my seventh blogoversary; time for the itch to set in, I guess. - - - M was here with me in UsualCity till 16th. Our getting a nanny at home plan has not panned out.  I wanted to settle a bit before being back to work, but with the kids, it seemed everything specially crucial to me was just stuck on full speed snail pace.  It is 'season time' for hubby and he is gone out for the day on all days of the week. Figlia had her agenda, and M had his. Their demands were different, and often at the same point of time. Sometimes Figlia was too keen on playing with M, when M wanted to nap. One afternoon, she did not let him sleep till 4 p.m., when he was actually wanting to do so at 1 p.m. Figlia is naughty, and things that I don't let irk me, were making me yell at her. She has this glint in her eyes, when she is up f...

I am just passing through another panic/anxiety attack. Nothing awful, but it took a good standing under the shower to tell myself that panicking was not very helpful.  There is some can't-mention-here family thing drama running as a background process. It affects me obliquely and I can neither change nor quicken its pace. It will take its own course, the repercussions will continue to hit us, as the time passes, and I am losing my brain on why no one else sees it my way. After a lot of false starts, I just endured my first proper period. The thing is that after menstruating for half my life, I still can't say if my periods have ended or there will be some gush happening again. I am hoping for the better situation. Figlia is gone to UsualCity last week. My travel later this week is imminent. I have to pack, and have little motivation for it. M's 3 month vaccination was ugh . He had a fever and his legs ached, resulting in a very cranky baby. The discomfort wa...