My Lady of the Lantern

Want to know how my Sunday is like?  Ever since Figzy discovered that there comes a time every week where mum has an off and Dad goes away to work, she cries to see him going or gone. I haven't set up a tally, but for very long, every Sunday, I take Figzy out of the house (that's around 9:30 a.m.) and we roam the neighbourhood, while her Dad pulls out his car from the parking lot and departs for the day. This routine ensures that we completely skip the "I am crying coz Daddy's gone" activity. Eventually we land up in a park close to our home, which has a few rides. There are no swings, but a few things that Figzy can now play with without much intervention from me. That's when I get to sit for a while. A family often invites Figzy (and hence me) to play with their kid who is almost the same age as Figzy, and we easily kill an hour or more there.  But us going home is completely Figzy's turf.  When we come back to home "as usual"...

I was involved in a tiff with someone at work.  I actually had no idea that I had rubbed salt in her eyes till I landed in her cabin for some routine follow-up and got tonged by her. She yelled at me. In hindsight, I feel I should have kept quiet, but I acted on impulse, and lost my cool. And then there were two yelling orangutans in the cabin. I gained my senses fast, and I came out from the cabin.  The wisest thing I did was to immediately report to my Director, and that saved me any chances of her reporting the incident first and dressing the whole thing her way. But she has made me feel very small. I felt slighted. I tried to forget the episode. As the days have passed, I have felt better. But just looking at her makes me feel stressed. She is pretty slick. My sense to speak to my superior was really the wisest thing coz her special talent is presenting facts her way.  How do you deal with such people? What if avoiding them is not an option? ...

I caught up a full fifteen minutes of TV right before I went back to pick Figzy from the daycare yesterday evening. And fortunately I spent much of those minutes in catching a movie - Julie & Julia. There are two scenes that I especially love in the movie - one when Julie has a meltdown because she can't truss the chicken, and the other scene that secretly flutters my heart's window curtains is the one where Julia reads a letter from her sister Dorothy who is writing to inform that she is expecting. That moment is so powerful.  Meryl Streep is amazing. The husband's immediate move to comfort his wife is amazing. The silent acknowledgement of someone's worst pain, is so beautiful. And I was fortunate that I caught both the scenes in those scanty 15 minutes.  My brother is going to be first-time Dad this year. I am extremely happy for him and his wife. They had been trying for a year before my SIL conceived. I have/had been very curious to see how this TTC wo...

I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I sometimes have a fleeting feeling that there won't be any child after Figzy, and that my womb has gone back to its barren persona.  When I am in the grip of that sensation, I feel awful. When I am coming out of that sensation, I feel relief that it indicates at the fact that Figlia is growing up every day and getting over all the small-infant/toddler challenges, and that life can become less overwhelming, and that if I don't have another child, I am no longer having to go through this again. But then, this relief is not a persistent thought, so yours truly sinks back to hoping for another pregnancy.  I again had a bumpy ride with my sleep. I think I have mentioned it before when it happened, and it's happening again. Once my sleep is broken, I have trouble going back to sleep. I don't want to leave my bed, and I just want to sleep, and the sheep can please go floss their own teeth. But when that episo...

- We have mild success in the brushing department. Spider-Man is awesome. Figzy doesn't let me or her Dad touch her teeth, and we just play-act what she is supposed to do and she does it when she is in the mood to. Otherwise, she just sucks the bristles, and that's also progress in my diary.  - Your prize for avidly following this blog is lice stories (come on, I know you live for them.). Figlia is not convinced that she needs to comb her hair. Or we must comb her hair. Thrice a week was the best performance so far. I am in constant fear that she is really vulnerable to the creatures-that-be making a cozy nest in her thick black hair. And she cries every time I finished with her hair.  - Once upon a short time ago, I used to average about 200 pics of her in a month. And then I would process them and send monthly updates to family. I have a simple point-and-shoot camera, and my kid knows how to turn it on, and push buttons and rotate that tiny silver disk. And if she s...

A close friend who has been with me for two decades now and is currently living in another country, has been telling me in unambiguous terms that I must re-consider the decision to want another child. She's raising two kids herself and finds herself terribly challenged. In her "outsider looking in" world, she thinks that I must not think of another child till I can muster more support at home for taking care of the new kid and me. When she speaks to me, her reasoning seems logical to me, but I have found that her words do not extinguish the baby fever in me at all.  I have always stopped short of asking her if she is sorry for her younger kid, or whether she would like to undo her birth. But I know that her concern is not out of spite but rather from 'concern' itself. She is a SAHM and is constantly dazzled by the fact that I am working full time and still raising my child. But she thinks that another child is not an addition but a multiplication, and s...

Feb 6 was CD1 for me. This was supposed to Clomid Cycle #3 for me. But I have effed up in getting my meds on time, and so this time there is no Clomid/Progesterone on board. We are still going to be timing, and micronutrients/Metformin/Aspirin are playing lead roles as usual. My mind is not horribly worked up about not doing the Clomid because as my history is evidence, none of my babies were conceived on it.  If I do get my periods in this cycle, then I will do my Clomid. If.