My Lady of the Lantern

I typed something, and then I realized I am not liking it at all. So I deleted all of that and tried to type again. Life has been getting better by the hay-strand. Some days it is even better. I finally found the will as well as the space to go back to reading. I am an avid reader who did not enjoy reading anymore and could not find the time either. I have found my love back again in Hemingway. It's like going back to the loved tavern you passed by everyday because your doctor forbade you to drink, and now the curfew is over.  Figlia is decidedly naughty, and she keeps me busy. One evening last week, she jumped off our bed without her jetpack. There was blood from both her nostrils, and it got okay with cold press. She gets into everything, and is busy figuring out ways to get to things that are deliberately out of reach for her.  I can hardly believe that we are now on the other side of her first birthday. Last year, it seemed like forever to that milestone, that...

...are the same, but no two nights are exactly the same. She continues to be a restless sleeper. Falling asleep every night is a chore, but the great news is that eventually she does.  Her seventh tooth erupted last night. She has a neat vocabulary (I am stocking up on cotton buds, because I know I have a talker at hand) already. She responds to music and rhymes. She does not enjoy staring at TV screens, but fists down the laptop keyboard, unlocks her father's touchscreen phone, and has learnt to slide down from our bed. She is playful and active, and eats almost the same food as we do. Bre.astfe.eding stopped completely after epic biting began, and she has sort of forgotten them after her stay at her grandma's (I attempted a re-introduction), but I do know that she is missing it. She has taken to drinking from her bottle almost every two hours in the night, and she refuses to let go of the bottle. She actually fails the anti-colic bottles by the fact that she continu...

I find that just the time of the day, and being unable to write things when I want to, and then scheduling the writing for later completely changes the post that was till-then so clear and obvious in my mind. This time, I am actually writing this a few days after the thought of jotting this down has actually hit me.  I am glad to have chosen the theme that I chose for myself this year. 'Kindness' is a not a New Year's Resolution. I do not like New Year Resolutions. It's just that I want to be aware of that word throughout before I lash react anytime this year.  I have always been short-tempered. And my face gives away far too fast for my own comfort. The problem with being a short-fuse is that the burst singes not just the other person, but myself too. I was quite in control for a lot of years in between, but I see my old weakness rising up again.  This time is too precious, several things are too fragile and I do not want to end up fracturing things ...

First Girl, Second Birthday Second Girl, First Birthday

Dear Aunt Crabbie, I am just a typical 30-something balancing work, house and a not-so newborn. Along the way, I have dealt with infertility and neonatal loss as well. My daughter was not well, and recovery could not be rushed, so I sent her to be with my parents for a while, where they are taking adorable care of her. She is doing well, and I have in a year, finally charted the territory of sleeping all night long. Hubby works long hours, and does so for entire week on the go. I keep getting anxiety attacks about how to best take care of the girl. I have been able to go back to work only because I found a daycare that was sufficiently okay. I wish, I wouldn't have had to send her there, and that there was family close by that would look after her. I am grated by the idea that after she comes next week, my sleeping will go back to hell. And my anxiety attacks will resume. I have thought of the idea of leaving my job, but hubby is not supportive of that idea and frankly, I have...

Does the lack of posts for the fag end of December appear eerie?  Things have happened since I last posted here. What appeared to be a zit, snowballed into  glute@l cellulitis for Figlia, necessitating hospitalization, and I&D under Gener@l Anaesthesi@ for the then-11 month old.... All I wanted was to gradually slip off the weeks, and watch dates melting to her birthday, but life has been wrapped up tight and bumpy since Week 47.  I have waited deliberately before posting anything about it here, and I now feel calm enough to say anything on it. I would not have been able to keep my emotions in check before, but I am calm now. The fallout is/was that with my consent and active desire,  Figlia is now with her maternal grandmother, and I couldn't have decided better. She still needs care, and I cannot leave her at daycare till she is healed 100 percent.  It has been strange and weird to not have her around me on a daily basis. I u...

When I had one of those neighbour-neighbour talk with the lady next door. She is parenting a toddler and twins, and the latter are just a couple of months older than Figlia * . In September, Figlia had a bout of viral fever, and it was one of the worst ever things we had health-wise. My daughter was miserable and whiny and vomiting, and refusing medicines, and not sure what she wanted. She was tired, we were tired. One morning, as I was leaving for work, I met the NextDoorLady....the twins were awake since 2:30 am. They were a month away from their birthday, and had been running a fever. Figlia had been awake all night and finally slept at 2:30/3:00 am ish . I realized that we slept just as our neighbours woke up. In union, we had been up all night. Figlia is also less than a month away from her first birthday. And boy, we are in the thick of whimpering sleeplessness. Is that some crazy rite of passage to the first birthday? BTW, y'day, we noticed a giant boil on o...