My Lady of the Lantern

...He sends updates on FIL's condition about twice a day. Those remind me so much of the medical bulletins I received recovering in the hospital after birthing CheekyBub. Except that those were fake. These are real. Adulting is not a joy anymore. Rather than building things, currently I feel like I am just trying to keep the ship from sinking. 

On Aug.ust 22, FIL slipped and fell in the bathroom. Since then, he has been unconscious and in the ICU. There is/was a haemorrhage in the right side of the brain. He is improving but very slowly. Chances that he will regain consciousness are high, but the future quality of life is questionable.  DH has rushed to the hometown to be with him. I am here with the kids. Though my inconvenience of being alone with two kids is tiny as compared to what he and my MIL must be undergoing right now, but I think the major pressure will commence when he eventually comes home and will need help 24x7 for every single thing.  That reminded me of my own death wish - quick, painless and in my own bed, hopefully. Having seen two grandparents  who were bed-ridden before their deaths while growing up has absolutely put me in deep desire of not wanting to ever become someone who needs another human to place a bedpan under my bum. Temperamentally, my FIL is not and has never been t...

M has been ruling our whineland lately. Figlia has just about fallen out of it. Or atleast she can be quickly distracted with food/play/juice/different-topic. Of course, she is 5 1/2 and M is 2 1/2, so that age band is way different too. M is a master at ignoring our questions, or supplications and can continue to harp on whatever is his demand - this leads to frequent tantrums.  Yesterday night, he threw a fit over something, and then today morning again, he was in the mood for a spoil.  By the time, we left home, Mr. Crankasaurus had already cried three times, and one of the reasons was that he was not ready to be fully clothed for school. His tantrum reminded me of the time when constant whine abounded with Figlia. That time when I handled Figlia, I was alone. I did not have DH around, and Figlia gave me a hard time almost the entire year that she did Nursery.  Today M was majorly handled by DH. I was there, but did not intervene. I was only the hu...

I shouldn't be blogging, but I am just so good at spending time in things I shouldn't be doing that I could not resist coming here. I finally swallowed a combi-kit antibiotic to tackle my problem.  I have been very fatigued and sleepy these last couple of days. My AF came earlier than the schedule, and my limbs were aching, and my head was throbbing on CD1. That's not how it is usually, so it was quite a noticeable thing. I have started a casual job search, and hopefully something will come out of it. I use the adjective casual, because I am keeping it low-key intentionally. 

I am again in the throes of mixed feelings about almost everything around me. My parents were here for a few days, and have just gone back yesterday. The house suddenly felt empty yesterday.  I am reaching a stage of meh at my office. A subordinate who happenchance is the Director's daughter, has been introducing herself socially in a designation that is higher than me. It's a promotion no one came to know about. She also happens to be from my department, and so it kind of rubs off on me.  Several people including I were vying a promotion, and this quiet event reeks of split milk. Spontaneous reaction would be to go speak to my boss and ask what is going on. Speaking to him about this is exactly the satisfaction I won't give him. I think the time to find a new meadow is close. On the flipside, I know that I don't have options to switch in the town I reside.  I am again having a bout of insomnia. It always goes away in a few days. And my infection has recurr...

Repeat bloodwork shows that I do not have to go and get the dreamy Proc.tosc.opy done.  In a brilliant discovery, I have finally identified hunger as the root cause of tantrums from Figlia and M. A tiny snack in, and there is immediate quiet, before whatever else ticks any of them. Gracy continues to be absent from work. She had pneumonia. I know I sound harsh but I am not, I am a very sweet, confrontation-avoiding, giver of many favours. She is recovered from the fever, and was supposed to come in on last Monday, but I asked her to delay her coming because she still had a cough. I asked her to report to work today. Guess who won't be coming today because they are unwell, and have blood pressure, and possibly sugar issues and a doctor appointment today? In the words of DH - "taking care of the caretaker". It's time to start searching for an alternative.  The reason we withdrew M from daycare and kept him home was his repeated Upper Respiratory Infection...

Things are improving a bit on the Figlia front. I remember something she told me right after she had crossed a line again - "What will you do? Yell at me? Hit me?". That question from her told me what I shouldn't do - react. So, I caught her at a calm moment, and I told her that she could go to R's place, but she cannot go without informing me first, and she will have to return when asked to. Apparently, my daughter thought that I would not consent to her going there, and that is why all those shenanigans were up. Once we reached an agreement, she is more open about her intentions. She did break a rule again, and got wrapped up pretty quick on it. I have asked her to use the stairs and not the elevator when she is alone but Miss Confident was using the elevator even when alone, and the elevator got stuck yesterday. She learnt her lesson.  Since I know that her confidence is a bit more than her ability at this age, I am trying very hard to set rules that s...