My Lady of the Lantern

There was a post clear and lucid just as I began to type, but I think I am losing the sand of thought already. The last few days have been busy busy busy. I do not know how I shuttle between work and home, and exactly how much time passes between 5 p.m to 9 p.m. I have no time to look at the clock...everything gets dictated. The hands of time keep pushing me to forge ahead, and somehow I am just floating through. I pause to think, but it seems to be waste of time. There is no time to think. I am on the verge of being utterly inefficient at work. At home, I am dealing with a baby who has a new flavour of sleep every night, a cold and cough we are not over with, and the star of this week has been the projectile puking. I keep thinking of making a to-do list, except that I seem to have no time for the list, and if I have free time, I want to sit down and do nothing. Lately, every evening, I come home before I go and pick her up from the daycare. That allows me to finish up stuff...

I no longer post assvice-y stuff that enters my ears. Unless. Two children at Figlia's daycare are special. One of them has Down's Syndrome. That boy's mum and I sometimes pick our wards from the daycare at the same time.  On Friday evening, when I was taking Figlia in my arms from those of a helper there, this mum was standing right next to me wiping the kid's nose. And looking at Figlia she commented something about how Figlia's nose was not as sharp or pointed as me, and 'if I would have massaged her nose bridge when she was younger....'. Really?  I was momentarily taken aback and I just said that I think Figlia's nose is fine.  When she went away, I realized that I was still feeling very irritated. And I wondered that I could be pretty vicious in my snap-back at her if I thought of it.  Shouldn't she use her grey matter before passing comments on other people's kids? Does her own position and progeny not strike her refere...

Dear Daughter, The diary says you are 36 weeks 6 days old today. At this point of time, you have been outside in the world for exactly the same amount of time as you have been inside my womb. And you have been whipping my rear for almost all of that while. Good going. I love you. -Mummy

Figlia almost tipped over today, because she managed to curl her legs under her, and snugly holding a rod, she almost stood. Almost. Mummy saved the day, and a possible head-on fall.  She still has not figured sitting on her own (from the lying down position), but she is pretty smooth at efforts to stand up from the sitting position. If left standing against some support (such as a table), she holds her weight well. And on the Sunday just gone by, she actually took two baby steps towards the newspaper that was far from her reach otherwise. I am not sure if I should claim that this was her first 'walk', but there were two tiny feet that rhythmically paced themselves on intention. She sort of stands also, with either of us (hubby or me) holding her palms. The ground rule is that it is she who curls her fingers around our hands, but we maintain a loose fist around hers too. And she will often release one hand, and explore surfaces with the free hand.  I passed her a ...

Figlia has received a lot of gifts in cash and kind from friends and family. She recently got one that has DH and me stumped. P gave her a set of books. It's not the books. It is their cost. She has given in a single sweep, books of over $2500 to Figlia. (The context: P is Figlia's aunt. She is a SAHM mostly and by appointment, sells these overpriced books to families. The books are expensive and sold in modules/sets.) I and hubby are stumped. Even if she had a discount on the books, it couldn't be more than 50 percent off. I have received gifts which were not quite right (usually clothes that are already too small, or unwieldy/un-Figlia type). I have given them away (almost always) to someone who was willing to take them in. The old me, would have been unable to part with the unused items simply for their emotional value, but I am now affected by the huge amount of baby stuff that is depositing itself within the household. There has to be a pressure valve for things ...

I was approached by someone who is battling infertility, last week. I was trying to keep it real for her. She curiously ran through the standard vocab that we here are pretty familiar with. My recounting of experience with her new dictionary made me go back in time. My D&C was 2008. My laparoscopy was 2008. ( 2008? How distant is that? ). 2008, I was already blogging. 2008, I was not any near to and not sure of how far off from progeny I was. I felt relieved. I am done with all that. I can't live through more years of hanging by the hair. Anyways, listening to her, I kind of told her to go to a proper consult. She shared her history with me. She has PCOS, raised thyroid levels and irregular periods. That's all. That's all? I told her, that I could see three red flags in her history. All of them, were either symptoms or causes of infertility. But she stuck to adding the 'that's all' to her story. She still does not think that they are that big issues....

Counting August and this half of September, I am currently running my third period. Yes, you can read that again. Again. The flow is heavy but not painful .This time around, I had crazy gas for two days prior to yesterday (CD1). I am not happy with the fact that my cycles are now just 17 days long. Not happy that when the period ends, rather than the finality of a CD5 climactic flow, I tend to have sporadic spotting requiring me to be on protection for longer than the five days of flapping the red flag. My body has definitely not gone back to square one on the drawing board, post-pregnancy. p.s. Figlia is on the mend. Thank God.