My Lady of the Lantern

** My AF is officially over but I had fresh bleeding on Sunday night (controlled with Trenaxa) and then again light bleeding yesterday night. I did not take any Trenaxa last night. I hope it is just my body trying to completely normalize. ** Had the bleeding episodes not occured, I would have started my low-dose aspirin from today morning. I am holding out for two more clear days. ** My offline charting lovediary is now back in action. I am diligently recording dates and such. ** My mojo is back to a great extent. I have started my thesis work again. Not much is left, but unless I get down to it, it will remain 'not much is left' pending forever. ** My iron-folic gave me constipation. I stayed away from laxatives and my body has eventually gotten over it on its own. ** Today is my niece's third birthday. It is the first of all the occasions that I will conspicuously mark Kaiser as absent from.

For one, I have gossip value. For two, people want the juice straight from me, no second grade and hearsay....real juice from original source. Yeah so people ask - "What happened to her?" I am bored of reciting it again and again and then realizing that people may not necessarily understand what happened actually, but rather will replace the details with the closest possible explanation that they understand. So, I say, like I told a neighbour last night - "She took her potty in her mouth and there was cord around her neck." Yeah, I am serious. I actually dish that out. And people nod in complete sympathy and as if they are sure of the fatal value of both the things completely. Till a first of sorts happened (last evening). This lady (a grandma herself) asked me - " So what happens because of that?" ( as in what if the baby takes the potty in the mouth ) I replied weakly - infection. Jeezus! I have a hard time taking people through hypoxia, PDA and all t...

I was going to write a sonnet for my AF, but I did something so superb today that I need to *excited* share it. I deleted my farm! Not from the earth, fellas - coz I don't own no inch of farming land on this planet. I deleted my Zynga driven farm. I am so freed by it. I was sucked-obsessed with it and the promise of the second farm would have taken me down from knee-deep to neck-deep. I played FV knowing I should be doing other things, and yet I remained hooked. I felt anxious when my crops were to mature, or things were ready to be harvested. I felt guilty when I actually started tending to it. Lately, I found myself glued to game feeds...it was crazy, I tell you. I am feeling so good really. And now comes the other restoration. Today is CD3 and I began my Metformin and micronutrients again. Birdman will begin his micronutrients when he comes back to UsualCity. Bleeding has been disciplined and I do not feel as ill-at-ease and incompetent at handling it like the February love I h...

The title affords me to mess my text, fudge sequence and be non-sequitur in my paragraphs. I think I am a strong person. I told that to Birdman the other night we were returning from raiding the local food joints. Birdman’s colleague, his wife and nine-month old daughter were there and came to meet us. Not only did I say ‘hello’ to the kid, I even took her in my arms and baby talked with her. I was ‘watching’ myself if I could handle doing it and I could. It was the first time since January that I held a baby. I am still having my reservations over people – meeting them and talking to them and things like that. I just don’t want to do it. In about a fortnight, I will go back to work and maybe that will crack up this crust for me. I keep fighting this blue-bug that settles on me at random moments and sometimes hours at a stretch. I was reading past entries from my blog (and specifically the letters to Kaiser ) and I find that it was such a happy time…it was such an incredibly beautifu...

I am having trouble with Blogger over certain settings. I want to be able to add a new id from which to edit this blog...I tried the Help section of Blogger and it is not working out for me. The second part of my help is to remove the original id from which I edit this blog... (But I do not know if this is possible.) Can any of you help me here? I will turn over my pwd for three days to you to do the job...and I will be very grateful....If you can help just leave a comment below this post. Thanks!

Means trying to communicate to/with God. Do I believe in God? Yes. It would be hypocritical of me to deny it. But I have been having a hard time thinking that He/She allowed this to happen. I read the Chalisa during my pregnancy. I read it to myself and to Kaiser/Lola. I read it on the morning of 14th January. When I was overwhelmed and had no other thing popping in my mind and was very anxious about Lola's fate, I used the Chalisa to soothe me. I heard it on 16th I suppose (I have it on my cell phone), and then beyond that I would just repeat it to myself mentally hoping to invoke some blessing of life for her. Well, most of my 'saying' happened after Lola had died, but I did not know. I keep asking everybody who tells me to keep the faith as to why my faith did not protect her. All I know (and perhaps when I may someday develop a greater insight) is that something higher was achieved by her. As much as I try to cling to why-me and why-my-baby , I think Lola was a higher ...

It makes me incredibly sad to know that this universe cracked such a massive joke on me and I can't find myself to laugh on it.