Firecracker

Saturday was a very busy day for me, being the first day of our annual three day fest. I cam home around 2000 Hrs. and checked my mobile to find two missed calls from my mother.

My mother never gives up. An ex-assistant of a very famous Infertility Specialist in a Real-Big-City has recently become her neighbour and my mother had taken my file to her for a peek.

As usual nothing burning comes out from the file. But the fragmentation in the embryos seems to be the only clue. The doctor recommended a few tests.

My mother asked me to get the tests done. I told my mother in an equanimous voice that there was nothing on this front that I wanted to do in October - November. My mother told me that if I got the tests done at my own end, we would be able to take it from there in December.

I began to lose it really. See, my mother does not get the point. I don't want to do anything in October and November!

Next, my mother told me that the lady angel had advised her that lifestyle change really improved fertility.

So my mother has been after my life (for a little while now) that me and hubby must start Pranayam. As soon as I breather harder into the noxious fumes, my uterus will kick start into a whirring helicopter.

The Pranayam suggestion came out again last night. I was on a downward spiral already. I was exhausted and my raw nerves were frazzled.

I told my mother calmly that actually I had aready decided of a super fertility regime. [At this time my voice was still not revealing my irritation.] So I told my mother that I was already planning to introduce a regimen of Cocaine and Whisky for DH for about six months. I was sure that it would restore our sucky fertility in no time at all.

My mother was aghast. She was upset with me and asked why I was speaking like that to her. I told her, that there was no one else I could speak to this way because after all, she was the only one who was apparently so interested in my baby.

I told her that for the 50 right things that we had in our lifestyle, how could one ingredient be considered so significant as to totally boost or flip our chances?

I was upset that one of my tobacco-addict cousin has managed to impregnate his wife thrice and had a living son, with the wife electing twice to end her pregnancy. And a recovering druggie Cousin Bleep had two sons.

When I gave my mother the practical reasons why I should drug my hubby, my mother told me that anybody could have kids, but one also has to worry about the quality of the kids that one would bear.

"So, I would either birth Sant Gnyaneshwar* or none at all?"

My mother went silent. I went silent. I was choked.

My baby is so hard in the making because he or she will come out coated in Platinum while the rest of womenfolk only have sticky glue on their babies.

We did not end the call, my mother recovered and spoke of other things. I recovered and responded. I kept the phone. When I came back from my haze of thoughts, I found myself staring not in empty spaces, but the framed pictures of me and DH.


^WiseGuy^

*Sant Gnyaneshwar - a great Yogi and a revered spiritual master