My Lady of the Lantern

Two for the price of one - that's what this PM post is. - - - - -  I had a pink eye early this month. My right eye got affected, and though I tried to prevent it, my left one went down with it too. I cut down on physical contact with the kid. One evening, when I was already on the mend, Figlia was sitting in my lap, and I was rubbing her legs, asking her if she liked it. My daughter opened the palm of my right hand, and bent down and kissed it.  I had missed kissing her, and I think she missed it too.  I had thus received my first spontaneous kiss , though she keeps giving actual and flying kisses when asked. - - - - - We are never out of dirty laundry. We will never be out of it, unless they invent machines that load themselves, wash, dry and fold clothes.  Clothes are washed on priority basis.  I was sorting though the laundry, when I came upon this top Figlia had worn the previous evening. Don't know what came upon me, but ...

Yeah Yeah I am so cool I rap on my Aunt Flo I rap for my Aunt Flo, Sistah She came bang on time, I am rocking this one Aunt Flo, Aunt Ah-Flo Sista, Whutha, Butha, WhatthehellIamwritingHere, BrothA! tYPOS are a-coming You shall not escape it,  I shall rap and rap and rap, And not the knuckles, mind you, coz I can sing on my A-FLo I can sing on it, can you, Can you Sing with A-fLo.. I stopped my ASA four days before the le de de be baby expected caaaycle day one And I think that means a normal Aun-Flo. And daughter, She is teething Again, The molars are hellars That leads to whine happy hours But I am singing it, a-Flo, A-fLo, A-Flo! This is just mutha, Sista, Whutha, Butha, WhatthehellIamwritingHere, BrothA!

I have some sort of date anxiety.  I had this strange sense of restlessness, and dull agitation and had to recall what date it was today, and then I thought: "But it isn't a 14th, or 15th or 16th, so why this feeling?" But the question is, would that restlessness be justified it was a 14th or 15th or 16th?  And I found that I had calmed down, knowing that it was not any of the aforementioned dates. So it must be the dates shuffling my brain switches for sure.  Well, it does not affect my productivity, but I definitely feel the calendar. 

Nessa plucked the rosebud before I could say No, What did you do, Nessa? So useless, the bud now, which can no longer bloom before withering. Oh Nessa, what did you do! I put the bud on its earth, A tiny mud pot where the plant lived; Oh Nessa, we lost a flower. Till I came back on the balcony the next morning. A limp bud remained on the earth. Nature won't be kind to it. It won't open before it dies at what it is now. Till my eyes shifted to the plant. One stem looked startled. It looked shocked to see the bud it nourished to be fallen before it finished nurturing it. Its green stopped short at a point, awkwardly amputated. Oh Nessa, it was not just that rose. The stem is crying too.

Figlia's excitement at a thing she loves is visible. Her face lights up; she runs for it; she grabs it and holds it close or she will sit dutifully expecting the if-edible item to land in her mouth. She will nudge you if you are late. But she behaved quite the contrary day before yesterday. She wanted what was in my hands, but gave me a sideways glance of  ' obviously, I don't want it' and then held herself till I extended my hand and gave it to her. I have seen her do this before, but it such a remarkable thing - this idea of her expressing herself differently even when she wants something.  

Since I haven't overshared already about my mental yo-yo on wanting another child, here is a detailed breakdown on what my latest electrifying breaking-news decision is. Some elements of my decision are what they always were, and some elements are modified (obviously yet again, and again and again). Fixed/As Before - I am on Metformin/Aspirin already, and I will not discontinue it (till my deadline) mostly because my body is now adjusted to it. Fixed/ As Before - Since, I have always alluded to some mental deadline for TTC but never mentioned it here, I need to be specific and loud in what that personal deadline is. If not pregnant by my 37th birthday, I will discontinue Metformin/Aspirin and give up on TTC completely .   I need to know when to get down this roller-coaster or I will fuse my entire remaining fertile life on the pursuit of this . If I did not mention the deadline, you know what I will do? Sneak in 6 month increments to the deadline, and believe I am fooli...

Right around my last post, we hit the jackpot of viral fever and cold & cough .  Cue in 3 am crying wake-ups. I must however note that the reason was different every time. Fever spikes woke her up. Colic woke her up.  As of today, the fever cycle is completely broken. She is over it, but the cough and runny nose persists. Since the party was not loud enough, there has been teething drama too.  Dear daughter woke up at 5 a.m. and did not go back to sleep. When she started to cry around 7:45 and would not take a break, DH and I were quickly relegated to wit's end by 8:30 a.m. Everything was irritating her. We could not persuade her to stop crying. She refused to eat breakfast. More crying. Finally, she settled with a bottle of milk, and well, went to sleep. It has been ages since I carried a sleeping bub to daycare. I do not even recall the last time I did it! While bathing her I asked her to hold her mouth open for me, and in the nanosecond o...