My Lady of the Lantern

I wonder how many spirits we collect around us. Don't imagine ghosts doing skeleton dances, but yes, spirits. In that tiny showcase I have at home are the three crows...the ones I bought in memory of the three non-implanting embabies. After CheekyBub died, and I went to the mall for the first time, I brought home a tiny joker. Who is that clown? Me, CheekyBub, God, Cosmic Forces - could be anybody when I am in the mood to see. The only thing that stays fixed is the saxophone pasted to his red smiling lips. I can't have any more symbols of dead babies in my house. I thought of the crows when I was carrying CheekyBub. I think of the embabies and CheekyBub, now that Season is in my womb. I do not want to buy an object with Season's memory on it. I wonder if I am being unfair to the new baby since I still think so much of my little girl? I hope not. I am not scared of being unrestrained in my jubilation over this pregnancy. My joy-virginity is brutally shattered. I am not...

On Tuesday evening, I made my way to SuperGyn's. Several things happened - my pregnancy card was formally made, my weight was taken, my history duly noted, and further investigations outlined. The ultrasound revealed Season at 12w0d. By my calculation I was 11w5d, so the two day+ is a good psychological boost for me. Season was moving the tiny little limbs, an active bub completely. The image of watching CheekyBub move her hands at a similar ultrasound still seems very fresh in my mind, but Season looked different, even when moving those hands. My one issue was that the sonologist was a closet farmer who was ready to plough through my tummy, that is how hard he was moving the wand on my tummy. My placenta is posterior and low lying. The lower lip was upto OS and covering it. Liquor appeared adequate. The CRL was 53mm. The EDD was revised to 31st Jan, 2012. There are certain tests that I need to get done at 15 weeks, and a doppler at 16 weeks. I will see SuperGyn after that. An...

Before I opened the package: Before anything, I just want to say that I have been feeling guilty about something. I informed Kristin (The Dragondreamer) when the package was received. I told her a certain date when I would get my hands on the package. It did not happen. We were travelling back to UsualCity from City X on the night on June 13th, and the package was to be brought to me on the train station itself. By this time, I had found out I was pregnant. And I knew that I would not be allowed to lift any luggage. DH was also involved in a minor road accident on 13th afternoon, and he had injured his left arm, scraped a knee and the left side of his ribcage ached. I could not expect him to take any more than the pieces we already had. So I asked for the package to not be brought to the station. I felt very scuttled because I was as anxious to see it. I had a awkward time telling Kristin about the fact that I hadn't taken/opened the package. It would be more than a month bef...

Tonight I make the trip to City X. My packing is 80 percent done. The rest of it will happen whenever the mood strikes again. It has been very bittersweet. The purpose of the change apart, I really enjoy being in this home and all, and I will miss it. The third baby is here. She was born a couple of days back and she and her mum are doing fine. Her arrival completes the train of babies that were due after CheekyBub - two boys and one girl. Of course, when Season arrives, he/she will be younger than all these three kids, but I will always consider CheekyBub as older than her cousins. I also had the dates wrong. Remember the time I told you about the EDDs of the three ladies. Well, the months were in tandem but the dates were not, and none of them hit the bullseye right on the due date. CheekyBub would have been six months old today.

I have been so quiet lately. It's not a case of blog fatigue, but more of wondering about what to say. When we (DH & I) spoke about the new pregnancy, and a new baby, DH requested me to please not cry anymore. It is not that he wants me to forget CheekyBub, but apparently crying on a routine basis is not good. I told him I wouldn't, and though I have cried in-between it has not been like it was before. My biggest meltdown happened after a SIL gave birth. I was happy for her, very happy. But my in-laws who communicated me the news started sobbing on the phone. I was okay till then, and then the tears came. I calmed only when I took a bath and the cold water shook me out of my state. This SIL's hubby was with us for a day this past Monday. He is a doctor. We got talking in the evening after I came back from the office and we spoke of CheekyBub. I asked him to explain me the term cardiac arrest. Of course, I have read about it. But I wanted him to clarify it. I asked hi...

Sharon nominated me for the following award , and I guess I can use it to break my blog lull. The rules are to thank the giver for their superb benevolence (Thank you, Sharon!), choose five bloggers as recipients, ladle you with seven random facts about me and let the recipients know they have this award from me. Seven Random Facts About Me: *clears throat* 1. Sometimes, I bend my palms inwards (from the wrist) and rest them on my pelvis when I am sleeping. DH calls me a penguin for that reason. 2. My oldest memories are from when I was a little around a year old. 3. I can't stand shoes/slippers that are not 'parked' properly. I will keep them together, set them right if one or both are unturned, and can't stand it even for neighbours/guests/friends. I will make the effort to set them right. 4. I can imitate my mother's signature. I was my teacher's pet in school. My handbook was kept active with the mundane notes my teacher would write for my parents...

I am very excited. Three more days of work and I will be off. I have to start packing my bags too. I am also in the process of decisions. I would have wanted to officially submit the leave application today. But (thanks to some tales of talk I heard), in perfect intention of irritating the curious stinkygossipcats of the office, I have decided to hold on to the application till Tuesday. Meanwhile, I will finish my sheets, two last classes, clear my cupboard, stash away my random things, and yeah, return my office-issued laptop. I am only going to take a framed pic of CheekyBub with me to City X. I am not going to carry the register I made (letters to her and her pics) for CheekyBub. Nor will I be carrying the tiny yellow top or her bunny. Her bunny entered my life way before she entered mine. In 2009, I bought a soft toy for my niece's birthday. In the same trip, I bought a bunny for my first child. My first child never got to hold or squeeze that bunny. I have it. And I th...