My Lady of the Lantern

My sis-in-law is visiting us along with her six-month old. I was playing with the kid when I realized that when I was bored or tired, I could hand over the baby to her mom. When I turn mommy, I will lose that liberty. Would I mind it? She quit her job to spend time with her baby. I wasn’t in favour of it because I was aware of how much hard work she had put in to get on company rolls. I always thought that she would deeply regret her decision. I am happy to report that she is not. I always thought that when a woman has tasted financial independence, she would feel her sense of worth dented if that independence were to be compromised. Ahem!

I came back from my City X trip today morning itself. I spent the past two days at the above-indicated place. A detailed history of my fertility woes was noted and a new file with a new doc was created. ~~~~~@~~~~~ The centre is run by a husband and wife duo DJ and SJ, and both of them are doctors of repute. In fact DJ knew me as a kid, but we lost regular contact while I was in my Wonder Years. I had a lot of frank discussion with DJ and I posed him the same question, I have been posing a lot of my doctors….why do so many other people who have so many known root causes for infertility, so lucky in procreating (like my past-druggie cousin, and a schoolmate who was a Pan Parag fan). This guy was the only one who had a funny answer to that. He quipped, “ Does every hardworking guy get a promotion ?” Ah, thanks! Pretty soothing, you know! I have to admit, this was the only time I was smiling at the response. ~~~~~@~~~~~ DJ began his sermon with the line – It takes only one sp...

This cycle, I am going to Indore and getting cozy with a new doctor that my mom (the resident backgrounder) has recommended. With so many failed IUIs and Mother Nature's indifference, my mom feels it is time to think about other techniques. A part of me is repelling it, the other part feels compelled emotionally and none of my parts are hopeful of anything, thankfully.

Oh, so my periods yesterday morning and I am scheduled to meet my doctor today for a sonography. This cycle, I will be off any kind of medicines and basically undoing the effect of medicines, I did not necessarily need to begin with. I did not have any problem in ovulating. That did not stop me from being induced - n number of times, by n different doctors. I had a lot of pain yesterday and took a cocktail of Meftal Spas and Buscopan to get over with three classes. The truth is I have been less than effective yesterday and today in my daily liaisons. My Mom (let me introduce you to my stable background doctor) is now on my back to go to M and meet a Dr. Pataki. What good will come out of it? a. Oh beta, zyaada koi problem nahi hai....![ Agar nahi hai to teen saal maine kya jhak maari? ] b. Oh ye factor to humne ignore kiya! [ De do uski bhi koi dawai, meri zindagi mein ab bacha bhi kya hai? ] c. Apna weight kam karo! [ Kyon, haathi conceive nahi karte? ]

I had the last Duphaston on Friday night. Doctor had told me that I would get my periods within 48 hours of finishing the dosage. Here I am, 72 hours on, still waiting for the holy blood to flow through. I am sure I am not knocked this time, coz I have spent an almost celibate time after my last irrigation! I hate waiting..... I am totally thinking of giving up on all doctors.....what is happening to me? Am I listening to the doctor more than I am listening to my own body? Maybe my body is not ready yet and I am coercing it with my expectations into bleeding. What should I do?

So, I went to the doc yesterday (CD6) and had a Sonography. My uterus was ‘out of phase’, POD was clear and the right ovary was behaving like an over-excited school kid. As for the left ovary, it is not responding at all to the induction. Isn’t it ironic that the normal ovary refuses to budge? It is now that we realized (doc and me), that we were so obsessed with the right ovary and its chocolate cyst that we totally forgot its twin! The left ovary had appeared normal during the laparoscopy in January, but now it is clear that it is *just* a meatball. I have stopped the inductive drug and am continuing with just Lycostar and Duphaston (a 10 mg daily course for 10 days). This cycle is a complete spoil. Once I have my periods again, the doctor would like to check how many follicles are formed minus the induction. I am losing my faith. My hormonal levels are fine, and all other factors are okay, yet, I am on the path of desperation. I guess, for the sake of some utility, I must take m...

I embarrassed myself yesterday at my workplace. The behaviour I put up was exactly like some newly menstruating school babe, who could not handle the flow. I darned destroyed my undies, part of my clothes and the most exasperating of all, my office chair. I just did not realize how heavily down I was! Anyways, I cancelled a class and rushed back home. Saw my doc in the evening and she has given me Tranostat- MF. This cycle, I will be starting Lycostar and Letromet from day 3(which is today). Sixth day I will be visiting my doc for a sonography.