Dodged Bullet

Some moments require far more thoughtful responses than others. And one such moment presented itself recently. 

Figlia has been all over the place recently. We found a clump of dark hair, about four inches long, that had been hastily pushed under a bed in her grandfather's room. She wouldn't own it, and then she admitted to chopping her hair. "But it's just a little bit". Unless that hair were found, there was no way that we would have realized what she did. She swore off it. She assured she would never do so ever again.

Then, on Saturday morning, while I was getting ready, she told me about "a dirty thing that P (the neighbour's six year old daughter) makes her do". I think all my senses went racing at the same time.

I sat down, and asked her. She was like : "You will scold me, I know you will". And I was like, "No, I won't". Ultimately, it turned out that P dances with Figlia, and two steps of that routine are dicey. They include steps that are suggestive, and one step involves ki.ssing on the neck, because that is what boys do to girls when they are dancing?

I asked Figlia that she needs to say No when she is not comfortable. I haven't spoken to P's mother about it. P happens to be the only consistent playmate of Figlia, and if her mother takes it otherwise, the friendship may be ruined. Meanwhile, I have come to know that even when Figlia and P are playing inside their house, they are rarely supervised, which means that they get to do whatever they fancy. 

"Have you ever told P that you are not comfortable dancing like that?", I asked. Figlia said that P told her that she will never play with Figlia ever if she refused to participate. "You guys fight so much, and always say that you will never play with each other again, but then you do play, right?", I said. Figlia accepted that they did eventually start playing again, even if they ended with quarrels. 

Figlia has already had "Good Touch, Bad Touch" sessions at school. I re-asserted to Figlia that she can come to me with anything, and can share anything with me, and that she need not be afraid. That if she feels someone misbehaving, she has the power to refuse, and she must. And so, Figlia realized that she could say to P that she was not interested in 'that' dance. And that P could not make her do it, and could not withhold playing just because Figlia wasn't relenting on the dance. 

Let's see how far the lesson has been absorbed.