Watched that movie yesterday (late) afternoon. Figlia and I had gone to the mall yesterday, and there were only two things mainly on my agenda - the movie, and a bit of shopping.
What we finally did was an overpriced ride on a dolphin that rotated on its axis, the movie with the costly popcorn, and an ice-cream, and another ride. Before that trip got over, I stopped for a while at a store that essentially sells girls' dresses. Figlia had attended a birthday party the week before (invitation received two hours before the event) and hadn't given a gift yet, and there was an invitation for this weekend. I thought I could browse for a few nice dresses to give to the two birthday girls.
Eventually, I picked nothing, and we came home.
Once home, Figlia turned back on her promise of washing her hands before settling down and watching her cartoon. When I pushed her for it, she began screaming that I never bought her new things, no new clothes, nothing. She was tired, and had missed her noon nap (that she rarely takes), and I wasn't ready for the yelling and her change of mood. She yelled at me, and at M (who was mimicking her, btw).
Once home, Figlia turned back on her promise of washing her hands before settling down and watching her cartoon. When I pushed her for it, she began screaming that I never bought her new things, no new clothes, nothing. She was tired, and had missed her noon nap (that she rarely takes), and I wasn't ready for the yelling and her change of mood. She yelled at me, and at M (who was mimicking her, btw).
I sent myself for a time-out, and sat in one of the inner rooms. I just wanted some quiet.
When she had been yelling, I came very close to hitting her. But I don't want to hit her, and that is something I did not have to. I think some great parenting moment of "Aha" should have happened, but it did not. She apologized later for screaming, and whatever she has said, but I hardly think she registers how much stuff she has, and how advantaged she is to have what she does.
Remaining calm during a tantrum is difficult.
ReplyDeletePutting yourself in time-out is probably the best plan. But, you should probably revisit the topics when everyone is rested, fed, and calm (We always wash our hands when we get home. We are extremely fortunate and have lots of wonderful things and should be grateful for that instead of worrying about what we don't have).
My daughter's nemesis is being dehydrated. She used to go from a generally lovely little girl into raging virago, just because she needed a drink. She wasn't thirsty, per se, so she couldn't just say she needed a drink. I had to figure it out from her insane behavior. So, think of Figlia as a puzzle - observe what triggers her worst behavior, because maybe it's just some physical thing that you can fix before it escalates.
(The kid once told me, in the middle of a perfectly pleasant and cordial conversation, that I should move out of the house so she could live there alone. Her dad could go or stay - didn't really matter - but I had to leave. She was 3. And dehydrated.)