There is Always a Price to Pay

It has been a few months since I discovered my lovely husband's infidelity. 

It's like this - I never in my life expected this to ever happen to me. My trust is shattered, and most days, my sense of self-worth is the same status as my trust (and then I do the sad job of picking myself up, and pushing to the next moment, with no expectations).

I know that it is completely his fault to have indulged himself in the promise of free slurpee from the whore. I also assessed from the transcripts available to me that she was very predatory from the inception, and planned her moves well.

My maternity leave was an opportunity she utilized very well. Even after M happened, I was pretty inconvenienced with things like tantrums, feeds, baby poop and sleep. She was free all night, as was my husband. 

Today, she is no longer his ho-worker. She is jobless and almost penniless (but her social media pics lie coz they show her toned body in beautiful dresses, perfect in every pout, attending parties of her friends, drinking booze that she cant otherwise afford). She quit on her own, though she does not know that it was pre-planned, and a trap she fell into. 

DH has apologized again, and again and again, and again. I have not forgiven him.  

I am suffering mentally, emotionally and physically. I am not doing very well at work, mostly because I am a bit disoriented. 

She is still a part of our life, and does not know that I am aware of her dignified poaching of my territory. The plan is to use the tested shock and awe for a final showdown, and we hope that it will be the end of the episode. She is psycho, and goes completely ballistic every time my husband tells her to end it. 

I find it very cruel and belittling on her part that she refuses to answers any questions about me or will just not comment if any references are made about me in their conversation.

Question like, "What if my wife finds out?" will get no response. If DH exclaims, "Elsie wanted me to come home early today but here I am, drinking piss from what you said was slurpee. What should I tell Elsie?", she wont bat an eyelid. The wife does not matter. I mean, it would have been good if she even expressed jealousy or resentment. But, no. Nothing for the wife!

(But you will be shocked to know, that she "craves the same attention from DH that is showered on Figlia." She is nuts on many levels, and this is just one of the angles.)

I am also very aghast at the idea that she has shared an intimacy with my husband that was never meant to be hers, and was meant to be all mine. I have to shut my brain with much force to refuse the visuals playing hop in my mind.

What is left for me of him that she has not touched?

She is completely unperturbed by the fact that she is involved with someone who is incidentally married with kids. She claims my husband to be the man of her dreams, and who she will never leave even though he wants out. His marital status is inconsequential, and her life is worth living only if he is around.

I was reading an online article sometime last year where the tantalising heading was about a nanny and the husband when the wife was away. Well, one would read the article thinking that the article reported an exciting, illicit affair between the nanny and the husband, but actually the article said that the nanny made a pass at the husband but failed to get suitable response. Since when has not cheating become more mentionable than cheating?

And this was my friends, hopefully the last post I make about this issue/Molly. I have been told that I am obsessed with her...thinking of, and talking of only her. She is a daily agenda topic for me, and I realized that this was really happening. I don't want to be consumed by her anymore. My body may not be the best there is in the market, but my intellect is far more desirable, and my time precious. I am going to try and disengage slowly from this.

She will exit his, and hence our life eventually. I don't really care for her well-being, and I think Karma will get to her. She deserves it all.