I went on an uncharacteristic short trip to my parental home with Figlia for three days at the cusp of this week. I met my nephew for the first time, and it was good fun some relief to spend some time on myself. I got red streaks done in my hair, and I love the colour.
My parents (specifically my mother) finally have a whiff of something not being right, and so far, I have refused to talk about anything but hubby's workaholic ways. My mother is not convinced, but she has no way of finding out unless I speak.
I have become part of Ch.ump La.dy, and the characteristic of that website is the enthusiastic disapproval of continuing to live with a cheater, the basic premise being that once a cheater is always a cheater. (It's like a lion that has tasted human blood, and so the taste won't go, and the lion is bound to harm a human again.) But then I also now frequent other blogs of spouses who were betrayed and continued to be with their partners. It creates a very interesting chasm in terms of the ideology that one adheres to. For a fence sitter like me, it makes my life easier, and tougher in the same instant.
Hubby does not think I will leave him, and that realization irritates me. But I am not going to walk out only to spite his notion.
I feel disinterested at work.
I revealed my current heartache to a close friend. She was taken aback severely and did not know what to suggest. She has been asking me to atleast tell my parents. DH is such a great guy, is considered so level headed and dependable, that even my friend is unable to comprehend the filth that he has brought into the house. No one would ever expect my husband to do what he has perpetrated.
I feel like I am no longer a part of the IF blogosphere, I feel like I am now hung between two different worlds unable to secure a place in any one of them. But then, the blog is the only place where I am talking, so I am not about to shut shop.
Gracy today graciously informed that she plans to quit working for us in June end (she has a better pay offered in a bigger city).
Oh no! Gracy is going? I hope you have enough time to find a replacement.
ReplyDeleteHubby does not realize that you have already left him in spirit? And that whether you can return is what is under discussion?
I don't know if I would ever tell my mother if Mr S ever did such a thing, at least of my intention was to stay. A cousin went through similar things and her parents were terribly upset by it.
ReplyDeleteI'm a complete stranger to you, but I wanted to say I'm very sorry that your husband has hurt you & his family. I would lean against telling your parents, because they might turn against him, which would be an uncomfortable situation if you stayed. At the same time, why should you have to keep such a secret? If it would make YOU feel better to talk to them, then do so. I wonder if he realizes how many people his infidelity can potentially hurt? In the US, we have newspaper columnists who answer people's questions. One of them's favorite saying is - "Would you be better off WITH him or WITHOUT him? Maybe you could make a Pro & Con list to help you decide. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteSo I never expressed my personal opinion because I know it's likely not shared by the majority of people, but I thought I have known you long enough to perhaps let you inside my mind. I am not jealous at all. I think I lack that gene completely. i could not stay in a relationship where my partner thinks I belong to him. And I feel the same about my partner. Yes ideally one should be honest and maybe things and promises were done and said at some point, but for me the "why" would be very important. more important than "why did you do this to me". I listened with great interest to Ester Patel and one point that for me was key was that the cheater does not get to cheat to hurt the other, but it's the feeling of being alive once again that is irresistible. And so in trying and "getting married one more time to same person", if this is what you want, some analysis must be done also to understand what did he miss, what was he looking for, what did the other one give him. I personally would have never a problem with an open relationship and I never thought I am the absolute best my husband can have (and neither he is for me, we work somehow though) and I don't think I own him or his emotions. But i know, this is very likely just me, most people I know have a very different take on relationships.
ReplyDeleteFran,
DeleteI have asked "Why" and "Why did you do this to me" already. And the answer to both the questions was different, like you pointed out.
Both the answers are different, but it is my skin that is burning.
Sending you a mail!
I just want you to know I'm here, abiding with you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about all that has been going on. Thinking of you.
ReplyDelete