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Round and Round the Mulberry Bush

I know I will come around to writing this, about this. And then I feel like I dont want to write. I want to share, but not write. 

You know there are these intense movies where the protagonists always know what questions to ask, and that they always ask the most pertinent questions at the right spots. You know there are times when a person leaves, and then comes back saying that he/she felt like it, and the other person is in grave trouble and rescued by the return of the person who said that they were gone.

I have been told that I had become distant in the past couple of years, That I chose to swim in and out of being connected or bothered with my relationship with the other adult in the house. 

I still don't feel like I have actually digested the passing away of L. I can hardly tell you what I am doing right now. 

I am reacting. I get angry at the children. I hate myself. I hate my body with some new found vengeance. Going to the gym helps getting out the frustration, but has not yet made a dent on measurements.

Mostly, I am looking for pockets of quiet. 

Comments

  1. Stacie14 February 2016 at 00:24

    You've been quiet...which says more than words do sometimes. My friend, my heart is hurting for you. Much love today and always.

    ReplyDelete
  2. eep15 February 2016 at 20:51

    Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. areyoukiddingme17 February 2016 at 02:57

    Hmmm. I have thoughts on that "distance" thing. Don't our loved ones have some sort of responsibility to try lessen the distance one way or another? To weather it, when they know they can't alleviate the problem? To look into their own behavior, to see if they're contributing to the problem?

    I hope you find some pockets of quiet...and can resolve things in your house to your satisfaction.

    ReplyDelete

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