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Non-jolt

I tried new dresses for myself yesterday at a local store. *Groan* because I was not very happy seeing my selections on me. 

Eventually, I ended up buying nothing, because I deserted my cart right at the cash counter as there was a neat time-sucking queue ahead of me. And I had a bad case of momma guilt because yesterday noon I decided to head out of the house and catch a movie in the theatre, so I did not have the time to kill more time. 

When I was in the trial room, and faced my moment of truth with the very first dress, my initial thought ran to the gym membership my husband got for me, which I could not utilize. 2015 is a year of lot of things, but "personal fitness" feels like a priority much lower than full night's sleep. 

M's birthday is 50 days away from today. Wow, right?

Figlia has joined her Dad on a office trip/short vacation that I was invited to, but too many things were out of place for me to join in. And that left just M in Gracy's care yesterday, so I could disappear for a while in the day hours. 

My ex-classmate left a cryptic status on FB. Her second kid celebrated her first birthday yesterday. Anyways, I pinged her in private and that is when she told me that last week she had a positive pregnancy test and she did not continue the pregnancy. Here is a lady who faced secondary infertility for years to achieve her precious daughter, but thanks to the rigours of raising kids without the proverbial supporting village, and the costs involved, she decided to let go of this unplanned child. I sent her my hugs for there is nothing else that I can really do.

Early this year, my menses got delayed a particular month. I am Miss Clockwork, so I got worried. Incidentally, it was also the month of some ahem-friskiness. 

'Oh my God, what if I am?'
"Oh please....don't let it be so."

When the first idea of "I should test" came to me, my brain got shot on its own. It was too much to absorb. What if I were pregnant? But in my heart I knew that if I was, then the new baby was coming. Whatever I had in my mind about not having any more kids was kaboosh. Luckily, my periods came (it was a 49 day cycle, rather than the 33 day one). 

That was the first time I had to even think like this, because before this all I wanted was baby(s) and pregnancy.

I have never really liked to label myself as pro-life or pro-choice, but I now know that if I had to decide for myself, I am pro-life. And I do believe that every other person does have the right to choose (so I am not that crazy person deciding reproductive issues for everyone else).

Comments

  1. Yep, I so identify with this. I'm pro-life for myself (which I suppose is easy to say when I haven't ever actually been in the place of having to decide these things), but I'm pro-choice for women in general. Isn't it bizarre to be thinking about NOT wanting a baby/pregnancy? So weird.

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  2. I think it's crazy that any person thinks they have the right to decide the course of someone else's life. I've been having the FB arguments with a childhood "friend" regarding this topic. (Not really a friend so much as my friend's stepbrother) He's all about the pro-life stance, although we haven't been arguing that particular arm of the overall octopus that is abortion rights in the US. My cousin, who is similar in views to the "friend" merely asked for further information, which indicates he is open to discussion. I'm sorry that your friend had to make that choice.

    I often ditch items that I planned to purchase when I see how long I will have to wait to pay. I am so impatient! And I never like anything well enough to wait around to pay for it...

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